Cosmos #11 | Mind blank

I had a day off yesterday but it wasn't that well spent since I had no idea what to do other than going to the salon. I went for shopping around the area since I had to travel that far just for the salon trip, so might as well I should just walk around and see what I can get. But alas, there isn't any interesting things around nor on sale. What vexed me is that the small backpacks that I spotted on have to be in black!! All of them! It's annoying that they don't sell in other colours and the clothes around are so appalling. Not a good shopping time. There you go, wasted an hour and a half of walking for nothing. lol.

So this week, what's up with me? I was stunned for a moment when my co-worker pointed out that I seemed to be getting really moody. And she suspected that it might be due to work. I was taken aback for the sudden comment to come when there's only both of us in the room. Damn, did I reveal myself too easily? Am I really that obvious and unable to hide my thoughts? I shook her off saying I have no idea whatsoever. But her response seems like she might not believe. But, WHATEVER. I don't care what she thinks. She has too much to complain and be poky about anyway. I had enough of that. What's even making me down is that manager has to complain to me about them. They complain about each other at me. Why do I have to be the one to absorb the negative energy? I had enough too. But can I complain about them? Noooo!! Why should I turn myself to be like them? Yeah but I really need a place to vent out my frustration and dissatisfaction too since it's been making me feel a lot worse and  as time goes, it made me dislike my job even more.(T ^ T)

Yeah, there shouldn't be any problem with me. The problem is not with me but the people who worked too long to abuse their authority. I hate that I have to blamed for something while the seniors won't be. Well there could be unfairness everywhere isn't it? But the fact that this constant bearing is gonna take a toll on me. (┯_┯)

Maybe it was for the fact that I have to go through such nonsense for the past working days that made my mind blank. I have no idea what I can do about it. I just don't feel like appearing for work anymore. I felt so dreaded to work that I've been late for the whole of this week. I wonder did anyone noticed. I was unmotivated. And unhappy too. There's another thing which brings my concern is that even my hairstylist told me that I looked really pale yesterday and thought that I might be too stressed from work. Damn I got a shock when I hear this from her! It must be obvious how bad I looked like that made her think that way right? I didn't know it reflected so much on my face. Although I just got recovered but shouldn't I be looking better? Since my throat was much much better now.  (・・;) I was also tired yesterday even though I did nothing else before I went out. Well... one thing for sure is that, I'M REALLY UNHAPPY.

Did talking about this right now helps at all? I can't leave because I need the money to support the family. It's tough since I have to bear it all because of obligations. So it makes me really unhappy that I cannot do something I like at all but to always do a job for the sake of the money. I'm really tired out. If this is carrying on any further I think I will be ruined. Why do I have to be the one? Who cares about me? Somehow this world is just shit.

I know there's too much negativity here. But I still need my place to at least cry my heart out. Whether or not I feel better. Whether or not things get better. At least I did something today.

And know what, I had the worst buffet ever in my whole life today. The only decent food that I can eat is salad. So not worth to be there at a buffet restaurant. But seriously the food sucks like hell. Nothing is working for me now.


So let me cry at the end of this tonight. Just before I go to bed.

~( ´•︵•` )~