Life has to be worth living by being happy each day.✨

What a coincidence! During this week, I was feeling down from work. Too many things happened lately especially with people who keep coming and going. It's just tiring to deal with different people from time to time and also customers with stupid demands that makes no sense. This all made me find work to be meaningless now. What I'm doing now is just for the sake of getting the pay and nothing else. Since I know there won't be a chance for me to learn more and progress but instead be thrown to cover shitty things in the future who knows. I don't really have a good feeling about it anymore. I'm really getting so tired from all the crap to face cos I always have to do double work. And things that can be solved by others they rather throw to me and then back to them. What's the problem with them huh? Or can I say the work process is just dumbass? What if I messed up the work cos I'm unsure? Yeah that might ended up that my co-workers will be angry with me cos they'll have to do the correction which means they'll have to deal with double work. But why am I the one to bear with it just because I'm the most junior. Fuuu~~!! But then, I'm angry with them in the first place because no one is passing instructions properly. It made me almost making a mistake which might be huge. I really wanna give them a tight slap on the face cos they like to push work about and always throw this sentence "You should ask." YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SHOULD TELL!! Who the fuck knows what you're thinking and what's right. How would I know what are the right questions to ask? Will you always answer me with patience? [Mostly, is no] Is it so difficult to give proper instruction than assume? How can you compare me with you who've worked for mushroom years? You know better but you rather sit and wait for others [me] to know what you want and do it for you. Damn, just damn!!! I'm getting so pissed with the people here. ⋋_⋌

Back to talking about meaningless. Came across that while watching a tv show at night, where the 2 characters are talking about whether life is meaningless to deal with someone who angers you and shorten your life. They're talking about a family member though, and whether she should just divorce the man, but she didn't care about what's meaningful or meaningless or not and just lead her life like this. That sounds like a loser isn't it? Why should you torture yourself and making him living off you, unless you still have the love for him. But no, they didn't even talk anything about love. I wonder is it about the responsibility she can't give up or she's just lazy to think how to improve her life. Either that we all have a choice to make, but there are people like her who are sticking with the bad ones. I just don't get it. Why do you wanna care what others think when you don't owe them a living? There's nothing wrong even if you divorce at any age, be it in your 50s. What's so ashamed about it? It's more shameful if you let people to pull you and direct your life instead of yourself even at that age. You should live a life that makes you happy, not troubled. I just don't understand her thoughts...  (¬_¬)

Okay, it's only a drama character but somehow I got affected by it lol. Well I was thinking of it in terms of my job. I'm not totally unhappy though, since I've been too used to comparing it with my previous job which was much worse. I do cherish this current one that I'm having that's why I'm always doing my best each day. But on one hand, I think those people are taking me for granted. Bet that in their minds they think I won't leave. But I will, cos I know for sure this is not the place for me to get by forever. I don't wanna get stuck. I just need to find the right time to go and be prepared for it. I'm afraid that I'll end up really getting unhappier each day until it was too obvious that everyone knows I'm gonna leave? I wanna give a shocking surprise instead. HAHAHA. Yeah I'm just dreaming but hey that day might come.....

So to the part about coincidence! I wanted to read books that would prepare me for it! And it so happens that I found those good books related to jobs that were on sale yesterday. It was such a great deal!! I'm happy for this! (⌒‐⌒) I'm so gonna finish up those books and talk about it. LIFE HAS TO BE WORTH LIVING BY BEING HAPPY EACH DAY. ~[This quote is by me. ヽ(・∀・)ノ]

Yeah I guess I do vent enough by saying so much earlier on. My reading last month was this Chinese book on independence. How a woman should be independent herself.

Well, because the mountains will fall and the people will leave, so depending on yourself is the best thing ever!

But this book doesn't give a lot of useful pointers on how to be independent. The content are mostly stories heard by the author and so she's giving us real-life examples of what some women faced. And so the conclusion is that we shouldn't depend on others but ourselves cos life will be better this way!!

Oh well, anyway I did a little quiz few days ago for the fun of it and realised it's true that I still depend on a lot of people in my life and it seems that I can't get away with it. Is reliance a bad thing? I don't know how can I get away for now when it's pretty good so far. There's just so much to do for being independent. The burden on the shoulders seem to sink a lot. lol. I guess the only way that will force me to not rely on others is when there's someone who will need to depend on me. That if I wasn't around things won't work and the world will end. (;・・) Well, that is, if indeed there is someone who needs me a lot. If not, my life will probably still be.....


Even alone, life can still be good.

But who knows what the future will bring?

Having confidence

I'm happy to see Jenn Im making a video about confidence! She has always give me the impression of being confident with herself that I tend to look up to her in all sorts of ways especially in expressing myself.  So I guess many of her viewers think the same way as I do, until that she receives so many comments to do a video about this. Just sadly I didn't participate in asking her to do such advice videos for us. haha.




Well then at least to hear from Jenn that she have her insecurities even right now just that it didn't consume her that much. It made me feel she also human and not faking too much at how great she is now. (^o^) I hope her tips will help me in some way too.

Let me note down her 5 life lessons~: 
01. Stop judging other people - People who talks bad about others are usually the ones who are insecure about themselves.
02. Look straight ahead when walking in public - Ignore having eye contact with random strangers and just walk your way.
03. Listen to a badass playlist - Music has a huge impact in your life. Stuff that makes your heart pound and confident.
04. Stretch yourself - It will hurt a little but it's the way that you grow. Stop avoiding stuffs that you don't wanna do. The more you do something, the easier it becomes.
05. You will grow into who you are as long as you absorb - NOW is the time to develop your interest, because that is gonna shape who you are.


I think the most crucial about confidence is able to identify and understand yourself, and show the world who you are. Easier said than done. lol. It's something that I'm still working on although I'm pretty much sure of myself what I'm good at and what I like to do. But probably about 60%. (・_・) I'm cool I can come up with this magical number as of now. hahaa.


Let's see if her tips do work for me or not. I might have my own ways somehow or other. This lagger is just gonna take her time~~ ♪(^ε^)-☆

How to stay motivated ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ

[got this off from a book on diet plan]＼(・o・)/!

● set realistc targets
● record progress, search for tips and note down any thoughts
● remember the rewards that will come after achieving the goal
● list pros and cons related to it but still will still carry out the plan  

If it's about diet, this is not gonna be applicable to me since I've been underweight almost all of my life. lol. My current BMI is at 16.4, which is still considered low. My lowest being at the age of 13, which is at 14+! I can't believe it myself, I was way too skinny that time and I remembered this classmate who made fun of me cos of that. (,_,) But no matter how much I eat I just can't gain any weight since it's very much proven that so long as I have to use my brain a lot, all my energy just goes up to my head and so no fats will be stored in my body. It's not as though I can control this well. Now I'm struggling whether to put on any weight. I just want stronger muscles this time so that I can feel that I'm strong. haha. But girls with visible muscles are kinda unsightly. I don't know, I've not made up my mind what I wanted to be. (^_^;)


As for now, I feel I want to be healthier. It's not as though I had a really bad diet [I hardly take fried food] but because I had too much outside food I feel I need to change it. I'm also getting sick at how people cook and handle the food in such a bad way that I feel I can do better than them!  (╬ ಠ益ಠ)  At least having some home-cooked food once a week would probably be better? I don't know how should I go about doing it but I guess I should start from something simple. Somehow it was that garden/caesar salad I ate the other day that sparked the love I have for salads. In the recent years I began to be more willing to pay for salads when I'm out with my friends for food. Some of them just won't wanna eat that probably cos they think it isn't worth? Yeah the ingredients are simple and so easy to make, so why pay for it at that price? But I ended up choosing salads because I don't want a full heavy meal. The fresh raw vegetables will make my stomach feel clean and better. I don't think it's not worth so long as I get satisfied from it. And yeah, for that point → 'why not I just make it myself at home?' I can add whatever ingredients I like! And it doesn't take too much time. It's simple enough to start with. So that's how this began. I'm saying this shall be my new goal in making food at home and that's how my motivation comes. haha.

● have a favourite quote up on the wall or a picture/poster of the person whom you aspire to be to keep reminding you about it.

Honestly, I don't know if putting up a poster will work that well, cos I think I will get used to seeing it until I feel nothing. It'll probably act more like a decoration up the wall more than anything else. Now I don't even have any female posters on my wall. I don't think my eyes will open to look at it. lol. Anyway I've dump them all [which are mostly of the queen] and that doesn't even bother me at all.

But what I've learned this year [in which became my philosophy now] is.... not to waste the item's life.

If I've bought it, make full use of it. If it doesn't suit me, give it to somebody else who would probably need it better than I do. Don't keep it until it expires and to be thrown away. It's really that simple. Take it or leave it. Make the freaking right decision of my purchase. lol.

So seriously, what motivates me now? I think it can come from everywhere. Mainly if I'm very sure of what I wanted to achieve. I don't need to look up to a particular person anymore. I will be sure of myself that what I'm doing is at the best interest for myself and that's how it's gonna be. I can be a better person than I can imagine that I'll be. If anyone can do it, so can I. I will believe that and do better with all the projects I've given to myself. And so, my new year will also be this great. (^_^)

Anime: Jinsei

Jinsei 人生 [13 episodes] → A comedy anime that I enjoyed watching for the past 2 weeks! It has a bit of ecchi already on the first episode in which I don't really like that but I thought I should give it a chance. So from episode 2 onwards is what made me laugh so much that I can't stop. It's basically a small club that offers advices to students who submitted questions about their troubles. The 3 girls are the ones who will write the solution they thought of on a board and Yuuki will be the one who collate and edit to write back to the students' questions. I like how funny when they speed up the part on reading out the students' questions. I can't even catch a thing. Even the English subs sweep past like bullet train. lol. But nevertheless, every time after I watched an episode I feel it gives me energy again. hahaha.

For the most part I like Fumi's suggestions and she can tell long stories of histories and somewhat she can link to the current situation? lol. This is one quote that I like the most from her: Time spent with loved ones is what enlivens our existences!

I do hope to meet someone that made me feel worth about my existence.(>ω<)

She's just too cute here!!

And also mentioning how cats also need some time alone for self-reflection. xD


Okay, in fact there are parts where I don't get why they ended up choosing Ikumi [my least favourite character] the one to enter the competition to expose the school president's dirty deeds. But for sure she's a reckless person and so the plan got kinda screwed up. Never mind since this is a comedy anyway right? The ending is one that I'm impressed with since Yuuki actually tried to get everyone to vote for Kimie [who is from the countryside]. She looks really nerdy and with her accent and dialect that probably no one understands, but she's in fact a beauty too!!

And so I think she's definitely the right one to be crowned for the contest. haha.

I love how at episode 10 when they tried to talk to Kimie to not be negative. Kimie said a whole lot of dialect that no one understands and in lightning speed! They pretended they understood but they don't actually. And that's the fun part where she wanted to know whether a guy would understand how she feels so she directed her question at Yuuki. He was struggling to come up with the best answer despite not understood a thing. That was the scary part. I think his answer "Of course" is the right one too. Damn luckily I guess correctly too. hahaha!! I mean what are the possible questions she might asked? It could be "Do you think guys are okay with talking to me in such an accent?" "Is it alright for me to approach anyone like that?" That's quite what I can think of. Since she has the worries so "Of course" would be the best answer. Who would be asking in a negative sentence that you have to answer negatively too - with "Of course not". The chances are very slim I guess. Anyway, still no one knows what her question is about. LOL.

Well all of them knows that Yuuki likes Rino as much as how she likes him. This ending scene is pretty nice to see. If only that they get together in the end. That would be perfect!! But really, can't expect too much from a comedy since romance is not quite the focus. hahaa.

I feel pretty and good. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

Heck, just when I was feeling lousy about myself when I wrote on my previous post. lol.

It's already September now. Not exactly that I'm happy with a new month again. I feel I have to set better and more specific targets each time so that it'll keep me more motivated. August has ended and so what have I done?? Argh, it's a pain to recall things each time actually. Well, all that I can remember is that I've really spent a lot the past month and I'm feeling quite guilty of myself. (ó﹏ò｡) Although I do note down all my expenses but it doesn't help to control. I just don't want to force myself not to spend a thing especially when I come across good stuff. It's always that when you're half deciding whether to buy the item or not and then think that the next time you got there you shall grab that item but alas! it's no longer there anymore. What a regret. I won't wanna let it happen to me anymore so I will always get something when I feel like it. Yeah, I'm trying to make up for what I've lost in the past. And this is definitely the right thing to do haha. Just that I have to decide myself whether it's worth it. I don't usually anyhow spend my money anyway so I believe what I'm doing now is good. hehe. What a way to console myself. (≧▽≦)

Well for the past years I have been nagged at by my friends saying how bad I was at dressing up and in monotone colours etc. I guess probably I was really that bad at those times since I don't buy clothes that often and they're usually passed down from my cousin and aunt?  Who doesn't want to be pretty! I don't have that money to dress up nicely and I have that mindset back then that it's pointless of me to do so since no one would care about me. I don't have a reason to be pretty. lol. But right now, since I could afford what I want and know better what suits me, I definitely am dressing better now. Not for the sake of others but myself of course. But I guess the point is being confident and comfortable with who I am. I was someone with low self-esteem and low confidence in my teens. I kept feeling how bad I am in everything [it gets worse when your family always pulls you down too -_-] and ended up concealing a lot of myself. Then it gets hard for me to do anything and I don't know what to do about it to change that. Hmm it probably proves that as you age and know better you should definitely start from within. With a better mindset then you can excel in whatever you do. Although I don't agree with some people saying that you should look at your best [pretty] everyday since I think it's quite impossible, because we should always have some days to let ourselves be lazy and let go having to feel conscious about our looks all the time. I don't want to feel that tensed even at home! lol.  My philosophy is that we have to feel good about ourselves all the time, no matter what we do.

There being, since I've watched Lavendaire's video and got inspired with all that crap in me. haha.

I won't get pulled down by any mean comments anymore. I don't owe anyone a thing to tolerate that. I live my life my own way without hurting anyone anyway. I'll only have to answer to myself. And so, this is the Yuuka that was born.  +.*☆( ˘ω˘ )☆*.+


Finally, this is my quote on what I believe.

Change is only good when you change for the better.

I will always be the better version of myself each year.

Fate del vostro meglio!

The Happiness Advantage - at work

Completed reading another book but it took me some time to get back to having the mood to read. lol. It was a little boring at first, since this book gave lots of examples, scenarios and results from researches. Nevertheless, I feel this book gave nice tips talking about how to gain happiness, although in a more practical way than in inspiring sense. (=-ω-)zzZZ乙乙

Here are some of my notes from this book:
{my thoughts are in *}

Success first, happiness second has been proven to be the wrong formula.

● Happiness is the precursor to success → optimism fuel performance and achievement.

Definition of Happiness is relative to the person experiencing it.
Positive emotions - pleasure combined with deeper feelings of meaning and purpose

eudaimonia → human flourishing

*My definition of happiness: the joy of grateful I'm alive to do what I want. (*'▽'*)♪

10 most common positive emotions
Joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe and love.

Crucial to human happiness: Pursuing meaning life goals, scanning the world for opportunities, cultivating an optimistic and grateful mindset, holding on to rich social relationships.

Principle 1: The Happiness Advantage
Activities to improve our mood
1. Meditate → take 5 min to watch your breath go in and out. Try to remain patient while doing so.
2. Find something to look forward to → most enjoyable part of an activity is anticipation.
3. Commit conscious act of kindness
4. Infuse positivity into your surroundings → make time to go outside, watch less tv.
5. Exercise → release endorphins (pleasure-inducing chemicals) Walk, bike, run, play, stretch, jump rope, pogo stick
6. Spend money on experiences → especially with other people
7. Exercise a signature strength → each time we use a skill we are good at, we experience a boost of positivity.

Principle 2: The fulcrum and the lever
We can't change the reality, but we can use our brain to change how we process the world, and that in turn changes how we react to it. → Adjusting our brain so that we see the ways to rise above our circumstances.

Our power to maximise our potential: 
1. length of our lever → how much potential power and possibility we believe we have
2. position of our fulcrum → the mindset with which we generate the power to change.

Placebo effect: mindset doesn't just change how we feel about an experience, it actually changes the objective results of that experience.

Expectancy theory: the brain is organised to act on what we predict will happen next.

The mental construction of our daily activities, more than the activity itself, defines our reality. 

The more you believe in your own ability to succeed, the more likely it is that you will. Beliefs are so powerful because they dictate our efforts and actions.

What potential meaning and pleasure already exist in what you do.

A rote or routine task can be meaningful if you find a good reason to be invested.

● When we believe we can do more and achieve more, that is often the precise reason we do achieve more.

Principle 3: The tetris effect
Inattentional blindness → our frequent inability to see what is often right in front of us if we are not focusing directly on it.

Nothing had changed but your focus.

How to wire your brain → list down 3 good things that happened that day, your brain will be focused to scan the last 24 hours for potential positives

Principle 4: Falling up 
Learning helplessness → When we fail, or when life delivers us a shock, we can become so helpless that we respond by simply giving up.

People often 'overlearn' the lesson and apply it to other situations.

For a hypothetical situation, because it's invented, we actually have the power to consciously select a counterfact that makes us feel fortunate rather than helpless.

Explanatory style → has a crucial impact on our happiness and future success. When you're optimistic, you interpret adversity as being local and temporary.

Learn your ABCDs
A: Adversity is the event we can't change; it is what it is
B: Belief is our reaction to the event; why we thought it happened and what we think it means for the future
C: Consequence → if we see adversity as short-term or opportunity for growth, it'll maximise the chance of a positive consequence
D: Disputation → what is the evidence for the belief

Adversities, simply don't hit us as hard as we think they will. Our fear of consequences is always worse than the consequences themselves.

Principle 5: The Zorro circle 
One of the biggest drivers of success is the belief that our behaviour matters; that we have control over our fate.

Internal locus of control → their actions have a direct effect on their outcomes as opposed to external locus → see daily events as dictated by external forces.

The circle we need to draw - self-awareness. 

● During high levels of distress, the quickest to recover are those who can identify how they are feeling and put those feelings into words.

"Don't write a book, write a page..."

"just try to set expectations well."

Principle 6: The 20-second rule
Common sense is not common action. → Knowledge is only part of the battle, without action, knowledge is often meaningless.
  
Habits form because our brain actually changes in response to frequent practice. It takes 21 days to make a habit. 

Willpower is ineffective at sustaining change because the more we use it, the more it worn out it gets. → Don't rely on willpower!
 
If we want to create a lasting change, turn each desired action into a habit, so that it'll come automatically without effort, thought or choice.

● Lower the activation energy for habits you want to adopt, and raise it for habits you want to avoid. → lower the barrier to change by just 20 seconds to form a new habit.

Rules are especially helpful during the first few days of behaviour-changing venture.

Principle 7: Social investment 
When we encounter an unexpected challenge or threat, the only way to save ourselves is to hold on tight to the people around us and not let go.

When we make positive social connection, the pleasure-inducing hormone oxytocin is released into our bloodstream, immediately reducing anxiety and improving concentration and focus.  

~~~~~
So what I have to do now: improve my mood by doing the few activities, have a strong belief in myself that I can do it, wire my brain to be positive and optimistic, focus on those within my control, form new habits and spend good time with my friends (those around me).

Thank goodness, lesson learnt! lol.

The 15-Minute Rule

The way to beat procrastination!!

I've read finished this book for this month and what a great sense of achievement. For me, the best way to beat it is to set deadlines since I'll push myself to get things done before time's up.


But anyways, I would still wanna note down some of the tips I've read from this book:
{my thoughts are in *}

●15 minute rule → focus your attention for 15 mins.

What's holding you back from your dreams is your distorted beliefs about yourself - the old tapes in your head giving false/outdated messages such as "I'm not good enough", "I couldn't possibly", "I don't deserve it", "It's too scary" etc..

6 stages
1. Be inspired → Pin up your favourite quotes.
2. Visualize → imagine yourself just as you've completed your chosen goal, and you'll more likely to reach it.
3. Plan → Pick a time to begin
4. Prepare → Imagine all the positive changes. Willingness and enthusiasm.
5. Implement the 15-min rule → Set your watch and start timing.

Brainstorm [Write down anything that occurs to you - phrases, words, drawings]
Stick to your boundary once 15 min is up. Doing so is so that you can trust yourself.

6. Reward yourself → Celebrate your victory, be it big or small. [Eg. by reading a book, watch tv etc.]

Willpower
● Determination comes from a settled decision. → Commitment

"If you keep on doing what you keep on doing, you will keep on getting what you keep on getting."

Willpower = Self-discipline

Motivation arise from rewards that you know you're gonna get. Choose to do the things that give rise to benefits.

How to make a good decision
What deters us from making small decisions is fear of loss.

● Be aware of your emotional state when deciding something. Not making a decision is in fact making a decision as you are choosing not to act.

Divide chores into threes → Beginning - middle - end.

The only failure is not trying.
Doing nothing is exhausting → Spent energy stressing about those you want to achieve, or trying not to worry about something → ended up as miserable, depressed and unmotivated.

"Doing our best is all we can aim for and settling for good enough is better than doing nothing at all."

CHANGE
Growing, evolving, learning

Reasons for procrastination
Fear of failure
Fear of imperfection
Fear of not getting it right.

Don't have to feel motivated to take action. Use the 15-min rule to get the thinking and feeling to catch up.

Lucille Ball: "If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do."


3 questions for things you've been putting off:
1. Do I really want to do this?
2. Is it fear that is stopping me?
3. Am I prepared to put the work in?

● No evidence that says I can't! Can I even give an example that says I can't?

Worrying
Look at the thought as if it's a passing cloud. Don't catch it!

Plan to break the worrying habit
*1. Replace every negative thought with a positive thought.
2. Don't waste energy worrying about a problem you can't solve immediately. See what you can do.
*3. There is no problem but only a solution.
*4. Keep busy to distract yourself.
*5. Adopt a "So what" approach → Accept, deal and move on.
*6. May feel guilty at the same time → Learn to forgive yourself.


Loneliness
Miserable, devastating, debilitating

Feeling of separateness

*Why do people feel that way? Is it because everyone cares about themselves more than others? Everyone wants to get noticed instead of noticing others? This is one area that I don't understand. =(

Ways to get over loneliness
1. Call an old friend to meet up
2. Write a letter or send an email
3. Research a dream
4. Write a letter to yourself.
 ~~~~~
The last topic is something which I don't really get though. But anyway, I skipped the part on love and career, those are not that detailed or helpful to me here. lol.

All in all, the magic question that we should ask ourselves: "What would you dream of doing if you knew you couldn't fail?" 


Let's get moving then!!

The Best of me♡

This is gonna be a long personal post of myself. I did a mini test at my real FB to see what Wikipedia would say about me. [although I replace my face with Namie's lol]

I'm glad this result shows how beautiful I truly am as a person.  So my smile is sooo beautiful indeed. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

And upon reading this, I was so satisfied with the result cos it was so true! I don't over-dressed and focus a lot with how I look on the outside, although sometimes I can be lazy in dressing up. But I believe simple and presentable on an everyday basis should be enough. And I do dressed up nicely on special days. lol.

Well I believe it's the inside of me that is more important as a person, such as being caring, loving, etc... and I do place an importance in building friendships but indeed there's a number of them that left me disappointed with what they actually are. I'm really doubting how these people define friends as...is that the way how they treat their friends really?

On to talking about this group of people whom I've left, none of them came to talk to me anymore. For whatever reason that they think that maybe I wanna be left alone or anything, it's really disappointing that we were once close enough to go out together, chatted so much and had so much fun but there is no word of concern at all. Couldn't you even say a hello? Why from the start I'm always the one who have to be initiative? Why must it always be me? Friendships go both ways isn't it? It's been too one-sided of me all along and the end result of it is that I'm the one getting hurt. Just why do I have to come across people who are so superficial and even considered them as friends. I even hate myself for that and giving them the attention they wanted. You see, there's one who asked me to doll up myself prettier and do cosplay like her so that I can attract more guys. Another one even asked me to get push-up bras cos guys like it.

WHAT? Why do I have to do all this on purpose? Just so as to attract guys who like me based on the outside and not my true self? No way!! I don't wanna attract the wrong kind of people for goodness sake. And being the best of myself doesn't mean I have to focus with how I look externally, or how others see me as. I simply can't agree with what they suggested to me when I first heard it. But of course, out of politeness, I didn't say much but just "Oh really?"(-_-) Of course I don't see that I should totally neglect or ignore my appearance but appearance shouldn't be something that defines who I am. Why should I try so hard to impress for the wrong reasons? I can feel good by looking good but I can look good by feeling good too!! Isn't a woman's smile more beautiful than her makeup/external appearance? It's more genuine and attractive than someone who is faking out on the outside. And even though I wanted to do cosplay since I was 18 because it was something special to do, [but I didn't back then cos I didn't have the money for everything] but I have given up this thought some time ago already. Firstly 2D characters themselves look good as they are, but when being shown in real life in 3D as what we see from cosplayers, I can't helped but to see them as fake. It really feels a lot weird to see a real being in bright yellow hair? And some outrageous outfit that doesn't fit? Just why should we try so hard to be somebody else that we are not! It can be fun to do for once, but not consistently. It made me feel people who does so is because they have insecurities that they don't wanna show who they really are. They rather be 'somebody else'. [I have a friend who does cosplay because she feels in anime the world is perfect unlike this real world, so cosplaying is her escape to reality, sadly.] But I am the original me!! Why should I go for something that I won't feel truly happy to be. Why should I mask myself as somebody sexy or whatever that I am not?

I have felt ashamed enough of myself having to give them the attention that they wanted, that they must be feeling so highly of themselves now. Well it's the truth cos in the chat they'll all always talk about themselves and vying for attention like all the time. I actually got sick of seeing it although it's fun to see them cracking jokes but I don't think it's healthy in any way. Everyone has been together too much on the surface and nothing deepens. I'm pretty sure this group has been used by everyone of them for their own purpose, like to promote their products etc... It's not the first time I've seen them doing so to their advantage. It really saddens me to see this. But I should have guessed that isn't it? (,_,) They're a bunch of pathetic people whom have that kind of attitude, otherwise this group would have been existed long ago without needing me to start in the first place. I should have known, isn't it? (T_T)

And with reference to this book that I'm reading...

Friendships based on shared activities and historical ties are wonderful to have, but unless they are 'deepened', they are not enough.

I agree with this a lot. Otherwise, what's the point of being together when they can't be the ones you can turn to if you are facing any problems? They'll probably shun away from you or give the wrong kind of advice! 

There's so much about this book that made me understood more and able to truly appreciate the real me of being who I am. I don't think I'm doing a book review now but this self-help book is indeed worth mentioning about building relationships and connecting with people. One of which the author gives the great question of "What makes me feel great of myself? What doesn't?" as a measure of self-worth. This is really amazing. Only you can create the experience of self-worth for yourself. This is something that I'm gonna work on, and not let others define and lead me to what I am not.

Some of which I wanna mention: 

The essence of who we are is wonderful.
In life, we must strive for a balance between solitude and involvement.  
As theologian Nouwen so beautifully says, "It is in solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts.
We are not misfits or losers. We are incurably and wonderfully human. 
Your worth depends on what you think of you. 
No matter how anyone speaks to me, I am a worthwhile person. My approval depends on no one else. 
Deemphasize the importance of looks. I think we are our own enemies when we are focused on the externals. I think we have to tell our friends they look great the way they are, and they are great the way they are, regardless of their looks. ← Sadly, I wasn't being told of this by those people.

And on to the very last phrase that is very encouraging: 

"Who I am is someone who has the power within to create a Heaven on earth for myself and to radiate a piece of that Heaven out to everyone whose life touches mine."

I love how I'm feeling great about myself and embracing that. I have never feel like this before, gaining so much from a book. So I do have the power and shouldn't belittle myself.  I can create what's the best of me. And be away from superficial and negative people. I can create my own world of Heaven. (*⌒0⌒)♪


Three things that I'm gonna focus on now: Self-love. Self-respect. Self-worth.

My New Chapter too..

I haven't been talking about Michelle Phan in a while. Her recent video made me so relaxed and inspired once again. I love how when I'm feeling kinda troubled and her video seems to appear at the right time, making me feel better after that. (^_^)





Get in touch with your own beauty and flaws. It's the combination of the two that makes us all unique. 

She's definitely the best inspirational artiste that I have come across, constantly giving her all and inspiring people from time to time. I feel that I can keep learning from her even until now, instead of the Jpop queen who used to inspire me. Well then, things change and human change too. But I always believe in changing for the better. I shall talk about this some other time then, since I still need time to get things sorted out. （・□・；）

What's even more wonderful than getting reply from your favourite artiste? I love when this happens and I will definitely capture such a moment. It's nice cos this made me feel closer to her than the queen. Oops, I mentioning it again. (>_<)

Anyway, I wasn't into the makeup look lowkey baddie where Mish replied me in. Probably cos I dislike that sort of colour on the lip and nails so the whole look seems plain to me. But I really like her braided hair! I would love to do my hair like this someday and hope it suits me. I don't have enough hair and so it's hard for me to do braids now. I'm still in the midst of trying out the scalp treatment and I wonder will it take me 2 or 3 months to finish the whole bottle. Lol. I noticed some baby hairs growing so I consider this as a slight improvement for now. I hope it works well for me but it's gonna take time to see the results. I can feel the stinging sensation from the second time I used it. I guess that's cos I began to be more liberal in pouring the amount of the liquid to my head lol. But then again, my hair falls quite a bit after I massage the liquid into my scalp. I'm feeling kinda troubled to see this, cos it seems my scalp just doesn't accept products that easily. I don't know what else to do but I think I wanna continue using it and see how it goes. Moreover it takes freaking long time for hair to grow. I need to be patient throughout this period. I need to have all this time to myself more. (>ω<)


By the way I'm happy to see Mish appearing in the newspaper on 17 November last year!

Although Mish hasn't been doing as much makeup tutorials as before, I'm actually fine with it. Moreover her other videos like Pillow talk and New chapter brings us closer too. And her DIY videos seems fun! I love how she's teaching us things in other ways. I still miss her makeup tutorial videos as always but I'm totally supporting her for whatever she does cos I can always gain something from her every time. I remembered a friend of mine who told me she isn't surprised about what Mish is doing cos by now Mish should already be running out of ideas for makeup long ago. Lol. Maybe so, but I think makeup is an endless creation. There are lots of different looks that one can come up with and it changes throughout the years along with the development of products. I don't mind re-watching some of her old videos again but I also believe Mish is still constantly working on creating more looks. I know she wouldn't stop making videos as she used to say that before and that's what she's happy with doing. And that's why all the more I'm so proud to be a dreamer. +.*☆( ˘ω˘ )☆*.+

Knowing who you are by expressing who you are on the outside so that people can see you.

You need to love yourself so you'll exist!! Although it takes time for me but I'm slowly able to find my way of expression and I can identify myself more this time. It's through Michelle Phan that my interest in makeup and skincare grow. During those times where I know nothing about the facial products, have bad skin, lack of confidence and not focusing on the right things. Now I became a better and confident person not just on the outside but also on the inside with regards to who I am.

Thank U Mish for teaching me so much~ (⌒‐⌒)


I will focus more on myself this year and continue to do what I love.  Let's always be strong. ♥

My Best Fans ~2015

Just wanna post something that has been in my draft box for so long. I need to clear lots of those from there. lol.

Here I am to be so proud to announce my best fan is also my best buddy Shua whom I've known the longest! Come to think of it, he's my first online friend if I'm not wrong. I don't really have a good brain in remembering things [which is why I have to constantly write things down] but I do have the impression that I don't know anyone else before him and could chat for so long. This is one cool thing that has ever happened to me this far. I treasure this guy so much and talking to him everyday is so fun. (//∇//) It's already part of my life.  I can't imagine how next year's gonna be like when he's gonna be so busy with his working life. I'll miss u so much! (┯_┯)

Something else kinda related. Sword Art Online is the anime that Shua has recommended to me and I've watched it months ago but stopped since the uploader's account got taken down. =( This story is quite sad to begin with but yet I watched it cos I wanna know how things developed. But then I have a friend who told me that she can't even take the story cos it was too sad! I wonder should I stop too but I guess I am stopping it since I don't wanna watch something sad which will affect my mood. As u know, I get affected by shows quite easily. Although it's a pity that I would give this up cos I like their art and costume in the virtual world!

I love this couple a lot too at this part where they got married to each other. That was so sweet. (*´▽｀*) If only they could live happily ever after but it wasn't the real world afterall...

Somehow the virtual world is quite an ideal place, don't you think? At least, you could really live in the peace you want without fretting over and dealing with so many things in the real life. Every day could be the same but it's more enjoyable. But here, there's so many things to be worried of. And then we age, regret and die..... What are we here for? I've always wondered. I wanna find the answer too.

Anyway, something I learned from this anime: I'll rather trust and regret than doubt and regret.

Belief is indeed something we can't live without.

Probably there's more to my life and I'll be searching for it too. Hopefully I'll understand why. （＞０＜）


Just remember I'll still be here for you, buddy!

Revive memories: Kagrra, Live acoustic performance 2002

[Pictures to Auga event 2002 on 14 Oct 2002]

This is one Kagrra live performance that I love so much because it made me feel so calm and good. I really really really like Sakura~saikai no hana~ a lot in this version and for the fact that it's Isshi's favourite song I can only love it more! ♥ I'm so glad that I bought the Sakura album cos this song is in it. Everytime I listen to the album I feel so beautiful~~~ lol. (//∇//)

Izumi seems to be blocked but he's just behind Akiya. I didn't hear much of the drums though. Acoustic versions probably depended on the guitars much more. I'm certainly very impressed with isshi that he has such a good voice at a young age. I wonder if he has taken any vocal lessons before? haha. And of course, the rest of the members are really good at their instruments. What are they actually? Those boys are already born to be so talented!! I've got nothing bad to say about them. They are greater than my expectations. The more I know about Kagrra, the more I love them. And of course, I will strive to be like them in my way. haha .


Like that tree, I'll be with you eternally♪

Isshi will always be with me. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

Anime: Death parade デス・パレード

I actually felt a bit off that I wasn't catching up on any anime for the past month. I feel something was missing in my life! Can't believe this when I thought I should stop since I haven't got the time. And I didn't think it would be that bad. But then again, watching them made me feel good cos I was looking forward to something, especially wondering how the story goes. And so, my life continues to be a tiring thing again. lol. Juggling with work, study and such useless entertainment. ( ´∵｀)

Somebody should really stop me. (-_-)

Death parade デス・パレード [12 episodes] → I like the story concept. That the Arbiters have to pass a judgement on where the souls of the dead of 2 persons should be sent to after they played a game. It's interesting to see the dark side of humans, and I agree with what Nona is doing by creating extreme conditions to see their reactions and upon having their memories back. Well, I'm equally hating the way humans are, even though I'm also one. >_<

Probably I'm just someone quite into death-themed, afterall. (｡-_-｡) 

A cat just has to appear in the anime I'm watching. xD

Decim has been repeating this sentence of his quite a few times throughout the anime. Well that's cos he is a dummy and didn't get to live the life of a human I guess. I kinda pity him though, how was he able to judge when he doesn't understand humans well? But of course on one hand, if he knows, he'll probably let his emotions swayed and ended up making the wrong judgement. That's just how contradicting it is, cos he was in fact the only arbiter that has got human emotions injected in him [Nona did it on purpose] and that's when he felt what sorrow is, which is indeed painful...

It's really a very tearful anime, especially when he and Chiyuki cried. It made me so sad too. There are times where he grabbed his chest, I was wondering why he had that action, later to realized that he was actually experiencing a heartache, and something that he got fumbled upon when he realized what that is. 

I'm also touched when Chiyuki doesn't want to be selfish to return back to her life cos she feel that there are many others who want to continue living and she just can't bring herself to let anyone lose his life in exchange for hers. It's not just her but also some others that made me feel a little angry for them to commit suicide over small matters that they shouldn't have, in which after they realized that when they're already dead, they regretted their decision and wonder why did they chose death. (-_-)

Anyway she does have a good ending of being reincarnated. It was at the last episode that I realised the heads on top of the elevator represent whether the souls will be sent for reincarnation or banished into the void. So getting that white head is better than the devil head. Cos the void is really a scary place. (,_,)

The last touching part is where Decim keeps Chiyuki's dummy with him for his future judgement of other souls. Kinda scary though. haha. But I was also wondering what made Chiyuki so special to him... Did he like her in any bit? Is that the case? Is it just cos she was different from the rest where she knows she's dead but she can't recall why. Because I can't find anything special in her. lol.

The ending is pretty okay, nothing good or bad though. But I had to tear quite a bit since there are many sad stories behind the people who are dead.

Anyway, I'm quite impressed with the rules that have been repeated quite a few times in this anime too. Let me get them down here:

One: Arbiters cannot quit making judgements, for that is the reason why they exist.
Two: Arbiters cannot experience death, for that would bring them too close to being human.
Three: Arbiters cannot feel emotions, for they are dummies.
Four: Arbiters may not work hand in hand with life for that will ruin them.

I don't understand the fourth one though, and that was only mentioned at the last episode.. And I just think this is kinda complicated to me, that they existed but they're not considered as being alive and living? Just cos they can't experience death. But they have consciousness, they have to see and judge things, why say that they aren't living? Arbiters have a life too!! What's with the way how they define life as. lol.. too complicated for me to handle.


The thing that I get from this anime, is on wondering about how after-life is. How does the other world look like.....

I need to be revived!

I enjoyed Michelle Phan's pillow talk and I'm glad that she's doing more of this!






Point to note:
Failure invites change.
Feeling isolated is only temporary.
Inspiration ignites passion, jealousy ignites insecurity.
Time separates memories.

I've been thinking about what she's saying, and then looking at myself... and then wondering about my current life. (・_・) Not that I'm not happy with it, I always thought I should be doing more. But what have I achieved? How have I changed? How has things been going? It has been the same isn't it? Is that good? How can I change that? How should it be? What's the best way for me? What does everyone think now? Do I fit in? Did I done what I should have? Is this where I should be?

Why do I have so many questions suddenly!! What was I fretting about?  (,_,) 

Maybe work gets a bit too heavy recently, that I have been working till a little late since the long holidays last week does affect and brought a lot of work that has to be done. I'm feeling a little guilty from time to time when I'm unable to accomplish them for the day, but then continuing them when I couldn't think properly would make it worse maybe. And I hate to make mistakes cos it resulted in more work to correct them. (-_-)

And also, I have to focus on important things that made me unable to attend activities like I used to, I feel like I'm gonna miss out a lot on my social life. (T_T)

Probably what troubles me is that I'm unable to manage them all and have enough rest. Good grief.


I hope I'm conscious enough too that it doesn't cost my health cos I've been feeling not quite in the zone lately. I'm starting to lose enthusiasm for some thing...  。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。


SO! I need to be revived!

Maybe I need to meditate to get rid of all thoughts!! و(¯―¯٥)


Back to talking about my passion: One thing that I'm kinda surprised is to see Michelle mentioning about looking into engineering for origami! That hasn't crossed my mind although I love origami quite a lot. Now I'm starting to miss it cos I have lots of origami paper with me I bought so much from Daiso years ago but I haven't got the mood to fold them for a very long time!! I miss this little hobby of mine. I looked back at my old posts and I realised the last I did was 3 years ago. [Not including the paper cranes in 2013] I was wondering if I should throw those away cos I didn't get to use those at all. Well are origami products of any use by the way? Lol. (^_^); They are....probably just for me to admire my little effort during my free time. That's sad. Hmph...


For once, I probably need to revive my hobby back. I need to do more.


But then,

I do need to heal my heart, the most.~ ♥

Happy July 7th!

On this summery day, where I'll be listening to Kagrra,'s 七月七日. ^_^

My day will always be bright. July is such a memorable month for me cos of Kagrra,.. I believe so.

It has always been the beginning for me for some things... And I'm glad although I have mixed feelings about it.


I won't forget how some things happened to make me be the way I am now... I will leave them at the back of my mind cos they're not gonna haunt me anymore but I certainly won't forget.


Somethings are meant to be the way it is with some unknown reasons. lol~


But for sure, life goes on as beautifully as it should be. It will be good. I will make it good!! ヽ(・∀・)ノ


To the one who meant so much to me, I'm sure you feel the same too. I will always be here. ♥

With lots of love,
Yuuka

~~~~~
I'll be one with you as we are for eternity ~Isshi-sama

Anime Paradise kiss パラダイス・キス

Paradise kiss パラダイス・キス [12 episodes + live-action movie] → I was in for a romance anime and I found this great work which I'm quite impressed with! The anime art is really unique and it's very different from the usual animes that I've watched. It also reminds me of my little interest in fashion design that I wanna enrol into the course many years ago but I didn't do so cos I know I don't have a flair for it. haha. But I didn't regret on my decision though, cos I know I wasn't the creative type of person to survive in such an industry. (^_^;) Well anyway, this anime is much of a mature-theme and really realistic about life. And so reading comments at the start of the few episodes about it having a bad ending didn't deter me from continuing since I believe I should look at it myself to understand why and enjoy the whole story too. 

My most favourite male character is George, although he's such a badass. But I love those eyes of his. xD

I wonder the same too, but human relationships are complicated sometimes. -_-

Yeah, cats are everywhere nowadays. lol.


The beautiful ring that matches the dress they made!

but there's a smaller version that George made for Yukari.

But look!! This is the real version [in the movie]. Really pretty~!! ^.^

I love how I can learn something from an anime. There are things that they mentioned which makes me think about it. And also, 自分の可能性を信じなきゃ、何も始まらないさ。which means Nothing happens if you don't believe in yourself. That is actually said by George. lol.

The dress is quite beautiful in the anime version than in the movie, probably cos of all the flowers. This was a touching scene when I saw them hugging together, although in the end they didn't win the grand prize. I thought this was quite reasonable since they were rushing badly to dye the colours of the flowers somehow I don't think it might be the best work they can produce. lol. But hey, second prize is also good enough!

If that is what the writer wants things to be... >_<

I didn't think the anime is that bad, although I think I don't like it now since after I've watched the movie version, I think in terms of the characters and the ending it's really much better. But the way that George is doing, makes me feel he's quite an asshole although I can't hate him at all. (>ω<)

Their relationship is unhealthy in the first place since he's been making Yukari cried quite a few times and he's such a playboy and being so unconcern towards Yukari at some point, in which I don't quite get his thoughts. Yet in the end, he did ask Yukari to join him to Paris and even left the whole dresses collection he made for Yukari. That's really another touching scene. But I totally support Yukari and will make the same decision to pursue modelling career if I were her. It's hard to leave with George when she just got the chance to get started as a pro model. It definitely seems to me that it's very much a realistic choice and George is probably just someone who guides her thinking about what she really wants to do with her life, since he's all talk about it. It's just sad that he doesn't seem to be wanting her to be by his side cos he only mentioned that 'You made the right choice' when Yukari said she can't go with him.

But can't he contact Yukari or fly back to Japan during his break to visit Yukari at all?? Then it fast forward to 10 years later and Yukari ended up marrying another man. This just means there isn't anything going between them for the entire period of 10 years? SO mean!! I can't help but to think that he didn't love Yukari, but only like her...although he might treat her as a special person to leave all his dresses for her. But he's not doing quite right imo. Don't you miss Yukari at all, even a bit? How can you not even care about doing anything as a man. How is it that there is no single action from you ever since that day? Not even a letter? WHAT IS THIS! It doesn't have to be this way! Being in 2 different countries doesn't mean you have to get separated from another person forever!! ⋋_⋌

Perhaps the ending will be better if after a few years later, after both of them fulfilled their dreams and they're back together again. AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE VERSION! Lol.. same as my thoughts. The movie is definitely better and that they didn't portray George as that much of a jerk like the anime, and the actor didn't seem that scary. Haha. Anyway, it will also be more complete if they were to mention the lives of the other characters too, like Miwako and Hiroyuki. 

It's still a great masterpiece to watch. =)


One week of anime plus movie entertainment. And it made me think so much. (≧▽≦)

Bye bye first love, if that was it's ultimate aim. lol. 

My Anime list ~May 2015

2nd list pending to watch!! I received more recommendations from my fren! Lol.

Animes:
01. Steins gate
02. Attack on titan
03. Mushi-shi
04. The twelve kingdoms
05. Maison ikkoku
06. Angelic layer
07. Silver spoon
08. Corpse party: Tortured souls

Just completed:
✿ Night Head Genesis ナイトヘッドジェネシス → a mystery anime I chanced upon and liking it since the story is really good. But there's probably too much sad stories and trauma surrounding the people whom the 2 brothers came across. It's still interesting anyway, although the ending is really plain. At least they managed to save the world or something like that. What attracted me to watch is cos of the supernatural powers that they possess. The thing about 70% of the human's brain is left unused. And that there are powers hidden in those parts. How I wished I could know how to use my powers too. lol. This world would probably be so different. =p

I love this line "There is no life that does not deserve to exist." Makes me feel comforted that I deserve to live. lol. Supposedly this means everyone here has a purpose or a reason to be living in this world...

This anime is quite a sad one but I'll still say it's pretty good.

Currently,
✿ Mōryō no Hako 魍魎の匣 → Another horror mystery anime that I'm hooked! I'm probably very much into such genre now that I didn't attempt to watch any of those on my list. xD I wanted to continue Shiki 屍鬼 but I just can't make myself watch any of the dubbed episodes. It's annoying to me, so I guess I have to give it up. lol.
Anyway, the first episode of Mōryō no Hako is creepy enough with a girl's head in a box, which is alive O_O. It did made me curious of what exactly is going on. And a character mentioned that "Dolls are boxes in which souls are stored." I supposed cos this anime is about boxes so they are saying it like this? Creepy much. Please don't give me phobia of boxes, that's all. lol.

Alright, I will keep this going and see what happens in the end.. and which will be the next anime that I'm gonna talk about. haha.


More creepy nights? (ó﹏ò｡)

Loving myself~

Michelle Phan is being ever so inspiring and make me feel so comforted after watching it. Glad that there's another intimate talk again. ヽ(・∀・)ノ



I love the deep questions that she came up with in asking yourself [including to look at yourself in the mirror ^_^;]

Am I happy? Am I in the right relationship? Is this where I want to be in life? Am I doing what I love? Do I feel loved? Am I loving myself?

The key thing is really to maintain positive thoughts. I totally agree. =)

I'm beginning to be more sure of myself recently, and able to have the answers to those questions for myself. I'm glad that now I can be able to think clearly, and develop myself more and not wasting time. Because I'm able to have a direction now, I'm no longer lost. And it also comes from within, to know what you wanna do in life. I guess it's really important to take some time out to think about your life and future. I've always wanted a place where I belong, know where I stand, and how important I am to everyone. It feels so good now that I've got the answers.

And so, I'm loving myself more now. I truly happy. （＾∇＾）

Self-love is important. If you wanna build self-confidence, it really comes from inside. It's like planting a seed.

You can change the way you look at things. Because the things that you look at, will change. Doing positive things will have a positive reaction on others.

It's also through time that I realised I have influence on the people around me too. I didn't think that I was good in any way to have an positive impact on others. What am I capable of? What can I do for others? But the thing is, little actions do mean a lot. Every single move and things that I've said are actually sinking into their minds. One day, I can see it in them. And I feel so comforted when I know about it.

Life is too short to be negative. And yes, I have been exuding positive energy lately. (☆∀☆)

I'm glad that I can make the people around me happy. I do have the power. (*'▽'*)♪ I shouldn't belittle myself anymore.

I'm pretty sure, I'm being loved. ♥


"There's gonna be someone out there, that loves you, for you" ~Mish.

Thank you, Michelle. Thanks so much~! ^_^