I'm glad this result shows how beautiful I truly am as a person. So my smile is sooo beautiful indeed. ╰(*´︶`*)╯
And upon reading this, I was so satisfied with the result cos it was so true! I don't over-dressed and focus a lot with how I look on the outside, although sometimes I can be lazy in dressing up. But I believe simple and presentable on an everyday basis should be enough. And I do dressed up nicely on special days. lol.
Well I believe it's the inside of me that is more important as a person, such as being caring, loving, etc... and I do place an importance in building friendships but indeed there's a number of them that left me disappointed with what they actually are. I'm really doubting how these people define friends as...is that the way how they treat their friends really?
On to talking about this group of people whom I've left, none of them came to talk to me anymore. For whatever reason that they think that maybe I wanna be left alone or anything, it's really disappointing that we were once close enough to go out together, chatted so much and had so much fun but there is no word of concern at all. Couldn't you even say a hello? Why from the start I'm always the one who have to be initiative? Why must it always be me? Friendships go both ways isn't it? It's been too one-sided of me all along and the end result of it is that I'm the one getting hurt. Just why do I have to come across people who are so superficial and even considered them as friends. I even hate myself for that and giving them the attention they wanted. You see, there's one who asked me to doll up myself prettier and do cosplay like her so that I can attract more guys. Another one even asked me to get push-up bras cos guys like it.
WHAT? Why do I have to do all this on purpose? Just so as to attract guys who like me based on the outside and not my true self? No way!! I don't wanna attract the wrong kind of people for goodness sake. And being the best of myself doesn't mean I have to focus with how I look externally, or how others see me as. I simply can't agree with what they suggested to me when I first heard it. But of course, out of politeness, I didn't say much but just "Oh really?"(-_-) Of course I don't see that I should totally neglect or ignore my appearance but appearance shouldn't be something that defines who I am. Why should I try so hard to impress for the wrong reasons? I can feel good by looking good but I can look good by feeling good too!! Isn't a woman's smile more beautiful than her makeup/external appearance? It's more genuine and attractive than someone who is faking out on the outside. And even though I wanted to do cosplay since I was 18 because it was something special to do, [but I didn't back then cos I didn't have the money for everything] but I have given up this thought some time ago already. Firstly 2D characters themselves look good as they are, but when being shown in real life in 3D as what we see from cosplayers, I can't helped but to see them as fake. It really feels a lot weird to see a real being in bright yellow hair? And some outrageous outfit that doesn't fit? Just why should we try so hard to be somebody else that we are not! It can be fun to do for once, but not consistently. It made me feel people who does so is because they have insecurities that they don't wanna show who they really are. They rather be 'somebody else'. [I have a friend who does cosplay because she feels in anime the world is perfect unlike this real world, so cosplaying is her escape to reality, sadly.] But I am the original me!! Why should I go for something that I won't feel truly happy to be. Why should I mask myself as somebody sexy or whatever that I am not?
I have felt ashamed enough of myself having to give them the attention that they wanted, that they must be feeling so highly of themselves now. Well it's the truth cos in the chat they'll all always talk about themselves and vying for attention like all the time. I actually got sick of seeing it although it's fun to see them cracking jokes but I don't think it's healthy in any way. Everyone has been together too much on the surface and nothing deepens. I'm pretty sure this group has been used by everyone of them for their own purpose, like to promote their products etc... It's not the first time I've seen them doing so to their advantage. It really saddens me to see this. But I should have guessed that isn't it? (,_,) They're a bunch of pathetic people whom have that kind of attitude, otherwise this group would have been existed long ago without needing me to start in the first place. I should have known, isn't it? (T_T)
And with reference to this book that I'm reading...
Friendships based on shared activities and historical ties are wonderful to have, but unless they are 'deepened', they are not enough.
I agree with this a lot. Otherwise, what's the point of being together when they can't be the ones you can turn to if you are facing any problems? They'll probably shun away from you or give the wrong kind of advice!
There's so much about this book that made me understood more and able to truly appreciate the real me of being who I am. I don't think I'm doing a book review now but this self-help book is indeed worth mentioning about building relationships and connecting with people. One of which the author gives the great question of "What makes me feel great of myself? What doesn't?" as a measure of self-worth. This is really amazing. Only you can create the experience of self-worth for yourself. This is something that I'm gonna work on, and not let others define and lead me to what I am not.
Some of which I wanna mention:
The essence of who we are is wonderful.
In life, we must strive for a balance between solitude and involvement.
As theologian Nouwen so beautifully says, "It is in solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts.
We are not misfits or losers. We are incurably and wonderfully human.
Your worth depends on what you think of you.
No matter how anyone speaks to me, I am a worthwhile person. My approval depends on no one else.
Deemphasize the importance of looks. I think we are our own enemies when we are focused on the externals. I think we have to tell our friends they look great the way they are, and they are great the way they are, regardless of their looks. ← Sadly, I wasn't being told of this by those people.
And on to the very last phrase that is very encouraging:
"Who I am is someone who has the power within to create a Heaven on earth for myself and to radiate a piece of that Heaven out to everyone whose life touches mine."
I love how I'm feeling great about myself and embracing that. I have never feel like this before, gaining so much from a book. So I do have the power and shouldn't belittle myself. I can create what's the best of me. And be away from superficial and negative people. I can create my own world of Heaven. (*⌒0⌒)♪
Three things that I'm gonna focus on now: Self-love. Self-respect. Self-worth.
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