When had a bad day...

Oha my space. It's a holiday morning but here I am naturally waking up at the usual morning time. I guess yesterday's incident brought me to be even more moody. But I'm keeping it inside me and trying to stay calm and pretend nothing has happened. Still, mr brain failed me and keep thinking about it. Here this just feel as though I can't make a single mistake or it'll be broadcast around. 😱 I was in disbelief. I felt so misunderstood. But who will think in my shoes right? It was the first time it happened to me. I don't think it's appropriate to tell anyone cos this felt like a stab to me. Okay, so my fault for being muddle-headed at times.. but I didn't wish for this to happen! Recently I've been even more forgetful. I have no idea why for one second when I think of something I can forget it the very next moment!! This has never happened before either! It felt so scary now.....that if I were to be so unsure of myself again I might face another one to upset me. With once I certainly had enough of it. ☹ Probably everyone are guessing too, and maybe my co-worker beside would have guessed it if she were to notice me. Although I shouldn't be thinking so much to leave myself feeling so horrible. But all of this is possible. I'm just..... starting to feel detached from this place. I really wonder if I can ever befriend anyone in the workplace. 😦 

In addition, there's actually a big blood clot at the bottom of my tongue. I must have got it a few times in my life but it was just last night I took a closer look at the mirror because it was bothering me while I'm eating. It's so strange something at my tongue keep brushing against my teeth and it kinda hurts. A while later I tasted blood. Where did it all come from??! I have no idea how the clot just came when I didn't feel any pain earlier on. 😭

Pain from work, pain from body, pain from relationships. This has gone far at such a wrong time.

If only I can return to sleep and pretend none of these has happened.

But I'm awake too soon to recall those. 🤕 I need to find myself again. 🙀

What is going on...?

Why the constant changes? Okay, the fact that things changes from time to time huh? (¬_¬)

Google is doing it again, I almost panicked when I couldn't find my pictures at picasa web album.

Is that a good way? I was confused where I can find them at first. Oh so it's not at Google photos but at Album archive if I wanna search for my blogger pictures. (-_-)

Whatever with this all in one thing. Changes confuses me much too often when I'm already used to something.


Okay, speaking of which, shouldn't I also get my current blog revamp too? (・・;) A new year is coming and it would be nice for a little change right? [Oh thanks google for the reminder.]

But now I still have no idea what to do with my LJ when it has some pictures that I don't wanna see again lol. 

Well well, let's just get some ideas brewing while struggling for time as well since, I really won't be able to get an entire day to make this blog design entirely differently. Although that's what I would I love to have.

And also, time to review the year and start making some resolutions as well! I need so much time to think. hahaha.

Cosmos #14 | Another beginning to treat myself right!

Bless me!! I finally can make myself do a Cosmos post and feel I'm not out of this world yet! lol.

It's been such a long while, that I have the mood to document my life in this way and feel somewhat better by summing up what's been going on for the whole week.

Yeah so here's my report: I'm in a new environment for a month! And have been eating well lately, which is a huge improvement compared to August! It's weird how my body changes that quickly just because I get moving instead of resting at home. Maybe my body has accustomed to getting waking up and getting active? I wished I can make myself rest more as I know I didn't get to rest properly in ages. And it's hard to control my stomach or digestion I really don't get what's going on but since I'm back to normal this should be good. Or maybe because this is just a start so stress hasn't come to me yet? Well, the fact that I'm not facing it alone and I felt that everyone is working equally hard and being cooperative makes me feel that there is actually more morale here. We often have group lunches and gatherings which made me feel I'm part of them. This is such a huge gap I get to experience like finally! But on one hand, I'm feeling guilty from spending too much. Really too much!! Especially on food because of the gatherings. I felt kinda heart pain but on the other hand, expensive food gave me the appetite. And that is why I can eat better than before. It probably pays off in the future? And how can I not note that I always tend to spend more towards the end of the year? lol. It just so happens. But I really need to restrain a little. Although yes, I'm struggling between treating myself right and saving up a bit more for the future if not I'm cry someday if I ever need $$ in unexpected situations. ^_^; hahaha.


Well last week, I also had the mood to do a little 'craft' by changing my earrings into hp chains instead. I used them on bags or pouches with zips. Since I don't wear earrings anymore, it would be a waste if I throw them away instead of converting them for something better or useful. I like putting on chains so this is just one of my small creativity. And since I can't bear to just throw those away as the flowers and stars are really pretty you know!

So there ya go, this is my little boring life. hahahaa. (≧▽≦)


As for this week's little reward, I bought myself another of the matte lipstick, powder foundation and hair oil to stock up!

Previously I mentioned the shade was dark on me, and it's true. Now I find that the picture of a model's lip colour for the lipstick cannot be trusted [probably due to the lighting or the skin colour idk]. It's of course the best if I can try it right on my lips but I definitely won't do that since it's not hygienic. All I can do is to judge by the tube/sticker colour so this time, after I watched reviews from youtube and got to have a clearer look at the colour, I'm very pleased that I got the right shade I wanted for myself initially, which is light pastel pink. It's better because it's sweet looking and nope I don't like nudes! I don't get why it's such an in thing nowadays because it made you look sick more than anything else. Natural looking is nice but I felt it would defeat the purpose of putting a lip product on your lips when the colour doesn't show, unless it's a lip balm. Same applies to nail polish. I just can't get into nude colours so nope!!

As for the foundation, their natural shade actually seemed quite dark after I used the sponge to tap. It didn't seem to be a problem to me since it indeed is nearest to my skin colour although I think they could have made it a little lighter since it'll oxidize at the end of the day. But so far, I wasn't out for too long I don't know if it's something I'll be satisfied with yet. But nonetheless, I'm still in search of a good long lasting foundation that can control my oil well. Sadly it's been quite a challenging task. *sweats*

Beauty shall be here~

Hey there! It was a super long while since I've last blogged here. 2017 has already seem like some kind of life-changing year for me perhaps? I spent my time doing this other site writing although I'm not sure how will it help me ^_^; At least I'm still working my brain to do something I like right? Although I'm a little upset with myself how I've stopped my weekly Cosmos posts because I was so uninspired for so long. What can I say? I was actually uninspired ever since this year arrived. Well, if I have to think about it, I was too burned up (stressed up) constantly in tensed mode that I didn't realised how much damage it has already done to me but of course I made the right decision of leaving at the right time if not I might go crazy or more than that. (´；Д；｀)

Looking back at 2016, how much I love Buck Tick that I keep listening to sad songs and be so inspired by it. So here proves it, sad songs and being in sad lone mood gave me the inspiration to write. And since I wanna make myself happy and stand up with strength again, I moved to Kpop which gave me the energy indeed and so I turned out not having that lyric inspiration anymore. This is kinda strange to me in a sense. I thought I can be inspired by almost anything that I come across. Why would music genre be part of the factor? Well I don't understand myself anyway so how can I even answer that right? haha. At least I got such things figured out, so all I'm left now is to see if I can still be able to write someway or another. No force, no stress. Just do when I can. But as for now I have a lot of things to focus and learn at work, so good and bad in a sense.

Anyway, let's have some updates! I think I'm most likely gonna post my skincare and cosmetics photos here. Maybe solely here on what I've bought. (>ω<) I haven't been doing much shopping so it can't be any fun haul. But I might wanna comment how good or bad the product is that I've bought and used.

These are gifts to me from a friend! Masks, gudetama handcream and post-it & stickers. That's really sweet to receive as gifts! Especially all from Korea. ♥

Additionally, I bought myself more masks since there was a sale. And just also to make myself use them more often or else how will I be motivated if I didn't see a mountain of them that I'm supposed to use them up asap? lol~

I quite like this lip balm I bought btw. It's supposedly a new packaging? But hey it's Made-in-Japan so that pumps me up! xD  The colour is indeed very sheer but I like how it's peach gold colour as it says. I think it's pretty good as an usual everyday wear to work. Well I just don't do thick full makeup to work but rather a simple and clean look.

I wanted a matte lipstick for quite a while! Damn I'm glad I got this because it really feels like powder after application which feels smooth and comfortable to me. But I think I got the colour that was a little too HOT PINK for me? I'm not sure if it will turn out the best for me if I were to have full makeup on cos I only just tried it out. I like how the colour staying power is so awesome!! And it doesn't feel drying at all. I'm pretty surprised there can be such a good matte lipsticks around! So I might wanna get another lighter colour of it but anyway, I think I need to be bold enough to wear such a strong HOT PINK colour out and see what others think and maybe I will look really pretty. Cos I need some real colour on my lips. If it's too light it might 'defeat' the purpose of me getting a lipstick colour on my lips. (・・;)

As for the eyeshadow & primer 2-in-1, I can't comment for now since I haven't get to wear it out yet. My eyelids are as oily as my entire face skin so it's quite a trouble for me. I'll rather not apply concealer since it'll became more oily than usual if I leave it unapplied. Just wonder what's up with it. So hopefully this product may help somehow? No idea if my eyelids can stop being oily and whether it can let the eyeshadow be more longlasting and obvious.

Alright, all else I'm left with finding the best foundation for myself. Up till now there's not one that I feel the best to stop my skin from being so oily!!

The last unproductive month

How about a peek into what has happened?

Bought the pore minimizer or whatever it's called. Just because ZA is not selling it anymore and I'm really upset about it! Why don't U!! Although honestly I'm not sure if my pores and indeed smaller after using this product but I supposed it does help a little. EH was having a sale so I don't mind getting 2 bottles at one go. But it's gonna take me a real long time to finish using them though hahaha.

A surprise gift from a friend who came to my doorstep that day. It was a Saturday in which I wasn't in the mood nor able to hang out late (at the last min) so this came and brighten me up. Appreciate the thought!! Although it would be better if my friends aren't so sneaky. They always don't knock the door but quietly walk along the corridor and hang something on my door..... (-｡-;

Lastly, I painted my nails! It was purely out of good mood! I bought 2 colours at a drugstore which I didn't frequent but simply because they carry my favourite essence brand. That's all. It was kinda wasted since I won't be able to get points as a member of the other store which is not available around my area nor having essence with them again. What a sick truth. But I still can't let this stop me from pampering myself. A little trouble shouldn't bother me that much isn't it? It lasted for 3 days before it wore out without the top coat. So... definitely don't miss out putting on top coat cos it definitely helps to let the nail polish stay on longer. =/

I have nothing else to talk about May month anymore. It was a memory that kinda got slipped out of my brain very soon. If not for the photos.. >_<

Time to look forward for the better!

Happy Kagrra day for me..

In a blink of an eye, it's another Kagrra day to reminisce about once again.

To be honest, I have not been listening to Kagrra for a long time. For some reason, I have been losing motivation which led me to lose inspiration as well. And therefore, I wasn't in the mood for anything productive nor something that I'll like to do the most.

It's seems like it's the dullest period of my life now. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Well, at least this time of the year it's time to revive me back again. I might have said it countless times and wondering am I really back alive. I just can't see myself at the current state. My brain gets so messed up and turning into a blank piece of drawing board suddenly. What do I want the most? How can I get it? Can I just leave everything behind and fight for myself? OR simply, to find myself like what Michelle did? That's probably the best way that I can see things clearly and think clearer all over again. IF only things can be that easy to solve, and not seen as a form of selfishness. (┯_┯)


Well then, having said that much, I knew I wasn't satisfied with what I'm doing thus far. And every single thing I saw seems to be a challenge ahead. Was I ready for it? Should I even think of being ready? Or I shall just go for it? Are all the factors stopping me or am I stopping myself instead? I'm definitely not what some people thought of me to be. But I see no point in proving them anything. Why should I keep myself busy with others' thoughts which might be untrue?

Anyway, it's June which means we have reached almost half a year now. Time for reflection and everything else yeah? I feel that it's the right time of the year for me somehow to be able to take time to slow down a bit (maybe) and coming up with new plans and perhaps get motivated to fulfill them. What a hard time it has been. With work, it drains me down so much!! Now I have to do something different - which is journalling! A way to rediscover myself again. I have done a little last month and it wasn't enough. Although it's basically answering questions about myself. There's so much more to think about. And maybe I should also be happy for the fact that I created a new blog simply to post book reviews in order to make myself read more. But it was all dull since all I read are self-help books which talk nothing special but points that you should follow in order to achieve blah blah blah. There you go, this is actually what I'm interested in. LOL.

I will still blog here as usual, although kiramekikoi has started to turn into a personal blog because of my rants and the new weekly Cosmos posts. (ｰｰ;) Didn't mean to turn it that way, but I supposed that's how things developed for me over time. So it's probably the best that I've already have another one which focus on my interests rather than rants and stressful stuffs. I hope it'll turned out good but now it's still too early to know I guess. And who knows me over there? hahaaa. I shall have a good time writing things in a 'professional' manner and really use English the right way. But hey, how will I know if I have done it correctly? I always supposed that I did it right here already. (≧▽≦)


Alright, 2 more things to show here. Just sharing how happy am I to see comments and likes from the people I follow:

The power of philtrum!

And how happy I will be if Swoozie comes here. hehe.

That's how my Saturday goes. I'm happy again. =)

Take the chance to change for the better~

Here comes my once-in-a-blue-moon hair update! I splurge on my hair once again, since that became the only place where I can spend my money on without feeling guilty. Since this was my resolution, and I just have to get better to look pretty isn't it? lol.

First I have bought this hair oil months ago but I've just started using it this month. I wonder is it me who's having this new product fallacy. Every time I bought an use a new (hair) product I always feel it's better than the previous one that I've used. Okay, so what's nice about this one? It just made my hair more smoother than the previous one. OH really? (¬_¬)

How else can I describe hair oil then? Aren't they supposed to make my hair smooth and manageable? Okay, the previous one works just as well. But somehow I just feel it's just better at doing this job. It's actually meant for damage hair though, so maybe that's why it's just better than CC hair oil. I guess so. I'm satisfied with it for now. hahaha.

Because my hair looks messy with all the frizz, to be honest, no matter how much hair oil I apply to smoothen it, it look like it wants to fly. I have to comb it once every few hours (ideally) so it's actually hard to tame them down. I have a hard time with them but it's not like I hate my hair. It's much much better after I head to the salon for treatments. And my natural wavy hair just made my hair lively, just that it looks like it doesn't wanna stay like how it should.

SO! It was my hairstylist who can't tolerate my messy hair, and went to soften my hair by persuading me to let her do straightening this time. I haven't had straight hair in years and this brings back so memories though. I'm lucky that there's lotta discount for me so this was worth the price including the products I have to get. (^_-)-☆ And I have to emphasize that my hair now is indeed more manageable when it's super straight now, I don't have to comb so many times, it'll all just fall into place. Although I'm not used to it since it's been holy many years. And my fringe style totally changed. lol. Thanks stylist thanks. I have a sudden change in my image that I'm not even feeling I'm myself. Is this good? I feel like life is hinting at me that I should have some form of change.

2 more products added into my life and telling me to be more diligent to take good care of my hair. Oh the trouble of doing more things now lol. For beauty's sake, how can I slack! I better get myself to use up the scalp spray soon too. Oops. (≧▽≦)


Well then, let's see if a month later, will my hair still stay in place. And I think I've got the urge to change my hair again... =D