Cosmos #05 | Tough start

Gosh.. I haven't post the first Cosmos for the first week of this year for so long but now!!（・□・；）
As anyone would know, I was crazily busy for these 2 weeks. Yeah and for the first week of January, I was unwell and had to take sick leave from work. And then last week I suffered paper cuts from all the clearing and moving [but luckily I didn't rush everything back then] which hurts a lot! Now this week my stomach spins again and it hurts so much but since there's so much to do, I don't wanna take day off from work. So it has been a tough time so far. I was in no mood mostly so I haven't been watching BTS variety shows anymore. Or maybe I should since they always make my day. But somehow I wasn't getting into it in finding the videos or the time to get down watching it. (｡•́︿•̀｡) I just want more rest and regain my energy but I guess this will only happen when CNY comes. So this means I have to bear with this for another week more. What a tough month to go through. (╥╯θ╰╥) What a start but what can I not endure? At least this has been the best place that I've worked in although there are more changes taking place and making me really really confused and hesitated and maybe not so motivated like before.....But I just feel I can't complain too much. All the busyness hasn't allow me to cherish the times here better. I don't wanna appear slack or not being serious in front of anyone. But so far I just wanna focus solely on my job that's all. Although it feels as though I'm not progressing and there's no room for me to do so, hmm what else can I do then? I can only think through all this well enough probably when I have a long holiday away from work. (._.)

Argh. Whatever I am saying. I don't wanna think so much for now. I know it's not as though I will work here forever but I just feel not prepared for anything other thing else yet. (,_,) 


One great thing last week is that my friend has helped me with my Japanese lyrics for 雨月 so this made me so touched and happy! Finally there's something nice that I can talk about for this entry. lol. I was thinking probably I might not have time for my Cosmos post but somehow I think I should be able to squeeze out a little time today since tomorrow I should be out to do some necessary shopping. Although my right foot aches and hurts quite a bit today, but maybe it'll get better tomorrow. I have to things to do instead of staying home. [although I don't mind not doing a thing all day but better not! lol]

What other nice things should I report about? Today I spotted a nice owl wrapping paper which I was so thrilled about and I'm glad I have sharp eyes for this. hahaha.

 And then some nice replies that happened last week from Jen and Aileen:

Well then probably nothing else nice to mention. ^_^;  I'm still trying my best to spring clean this blog too and so far I've managed to clear a lot of the Favourite sites list. Somehow it's almost impossible to clear things really well and clean I wonder why some remains just have to be there. lol. By this I'm referring to other things else too. I wonder where and what will ever be clean enough. Argh. Am I not referring to the bumps on my earlobes? Disgusting enough. Maybe I need to disinfect every thing I come across. Ahhhh!!!! 

xx
Yuuka

[OD] Sadly and weirdly~

Another outdated post! I'm pretty into spring cleaning everything else besides the physical items in my room. I'm set to do that for the images in my phone, my youtube channel and my emails. hahaha. How weird I only get the mood to do so for this year. Probably because after I'm done with my own items I also have to do for work since it's definitely the best that I clear and reduce as many things so that I need not bring too much over to the new place. Wow what a revamp! lol.

I feel this time round my life can turn for a new start. I'm not sure how things will go though. But it's always nice to have a good change. Yet I have a struggle recently since I organised my things way too good until.... I forget where I've placed them. (;´д｀) Darn for my forgetful brain!! I don't know if I should laugh or cry. And my memories could be messed up. lol. It took me some time to find and recall where I've placed my Japanese CD-rom that I need it to get myself to study with the book. Climbing up and down and searching for the right box that contains the thing I want to find. Yet I secretly laughed inside when the same happened to my co-workers just few days back. LOL.


Well, let's just get back to me going through all these old pictures sinking in my phone. hahaa.

^ This was last year when my friend found out this yukata instruction sheet lying on the table only after we figured out how to wear and tie the obi. (¬_¬) Why didn't this thing appear earlier? We struggled for so long. Argh, probably is just me since mine was the traditional one where I really need to get the obi done. I know I should have be familiar with it in the first place but somehow when I happened to see those on youtube tutorials they made me even frustrated after seeing how complicated and difficult it is to do that I just gave up. Then I was too tired to see anymore and do a demo first myself at home. (x_x) I'm lucky my friend was nice to observe others and figured it pretty quickly and so I shall say that she was way better than those tutorials since it's done much faster than me watching the vids. Another thing that I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Ahhhh!!!!

I'm just posting the pictures here for reference in case I need to wear it again in the future cos my brain is really limited and can't remember too much. lol. Hopefully this will evoke my memories of how obi is tied. ^_^;

^ A piece of paper I've printed out from one comic book and that's because few years ago I was kinda into ancient chinese history so this was of a good reference to me. How did that happen? haha of course from watching chinese dramas! I have an interest in those type of stories although some aren't real history related but the way they dressed and live depicts the different timeline that happen in the show. I find it interesting that I can learn a bit about the times and also those phrases that I've not heard of. It's one of the ways where I can improve my chinese since I don't need to write or read frequently. But honestly, it's a sad thing how our mother tongue became stagnant at this age since we don't really need to use much at work. Same for dialect. So it totally depends on the individual whether you wanna watch and read more on your own. Since English is pretty much used everywhere who would really care about their mother tongue right? And it's not like it's being promoted or encouraged much. Sadly this has to happen. Maybe it's just here I guess. Well what can we do anyway? We can only be self-motivated if we want to keep the language going...Otherwise it'll just get worse.

^ What a nice scenery where the flyer can be viewed from here! But honestly I can't remember when and where is this. *yeah memories lost*

^ I remember showing this picture of the few escape games to my friends that we can go and have fun. But sadly it was not realised. We have too little people around us to call and be interested in such games. (,_,) What a pity sobs.

^ A bracelet I bought for myself some time last year if I'm not wrong and I like it a lot. ^_^

^ Can't remember if I have post this anywhere. My friend in school gave me when we just know each other after a month! It was a pleasant surprise gift. No one has ever give me a present that fast when we just knew each other. lol. That happened slightly more than 10 years ago.  (・o・) It's something that I treasure a lot since you see I didn't even remove the wrapper. But sadly again, I don't know where is this anymore. It's weird that after I spring clean some stuffs go missing. I could have accidentally misplace it I don't know. It just sucks to have a brain like mine. lol.

^ Bought these 2 snacks in early December if I'm not wrong. The rice crackers expired pretty fast! That's why it was on sale anyway. haha. The red bean chocolate biscuit is the jem!! It's really really tasty!! I finished the whole packet at one go. Can't describe how great it was I'm soooo amazed at the quality of it as a chocolate. Might buy it again but somehow hope it can be cheaper. ( ´•︵•` )

^ This is canned sweet corn from Daiso! I thought it would taste good but it's just ordinary.

^ This was the macdonalds treat that I won from a friend! It was pretty nice since I don't win things often lol. Oh yeah so this reminds me the last time I won was 2 years ago in September. Aww...that seems long ago enough. (・_・) I totally enjoy this feeling of being lucky. hahaha.

Alright, I will dig more and post any of such old photos next time. Can't wait to see when my phone is complete without a mess. lol.

Anime: Death Billards

Death Billards デス・ビリヤード [movie 1 episode] → Watched a short episode of 25mins just cos I couldn't find any animes that interest me today. lol. The last time I watched Death parade was so long ago so I have vague memories about it. This story is a really short one where the roujin and that guy have to play a game of billard, in which the outcome will determine where they will go after they died. It was only after the game ended that their memories came back and they realised they were actually dead.

The outcome is quite obvious from this scene where we can see the heads on top of the elevator that says it. The thing is that I don't understand why the roujin was giving the smirk when the elevator door was closing. And what did he say to Decim?? I believe it was this part that lead him to the void. In fact I'm not that happy that the outcome from the game should be the one that determines that the winner will have a better ending. In which the guy won the game because it so happens that roujin got knocked out when they fought, so he had the chance to win.  I thought the game should be just a way to for Decim to decide the players' outcome. Or it is exactly what it is? Damn the episode does not explain clearly! Decim didn't even wanna say anything about it when the black-haired girl asked him why. This is getting on my nerves. ⋋_⋌

But anyway, I think it was something that the roujin did in the past while he was alive that lead to this ending. It probably is since he seemed to be evil. lol. But I'm just not satisfied that my doubts won't get answered. Oh well..

Still it was a good episode that started off the anime later. It would be nice if there is a second season to it cos I would love to watch how nasty humans can be in order to win when their life is at stake. Did I ever have enough of it? haha. 

[OD] Say it and it will come true?

Here I am doing a backlog of my old pictures that's still hanging in my computer. lol. This post simply is here to make me recall those memories.... So let me talk a bit about it.

^ Omg for a moment when I just read what the Coach has replied me I couldn't recall what song I'm telling him! So what else can I do besides searching for that tweet since I liked it? Damn it was of no use since Coach quote my tweet instead of replying mine. So I don't know which Kagrra song am I talking about. (>ω<) This is kinda vexing since I won't know what's going on back then but never mind. I need to post this since Coach replied me. Oops come to think of it, I have not tweeted Coach ever since. I need to remind him of Kagrra, once again when I can. And therefore this will make me have the urge to brush up on my Japanese in order to chat with him once more. hahaha.

^ Damn this took place on 02 Dec 2015. Even further from the Coach tweet! lol. I was too happy over how Swoozie likes my tweet although it's not the first time but I like his little action of liking my tweet again and again. hahaha. He never fail to make my day as well. I really appreciate how he bothers to read my tweet and comments to him since I didn't think he would care about a small fry like me but yeah, he does! So he's one youtuber I like a lot along with his jokes. Definitely one cool guy worth my support. (^ε^)

^ Ahh, lastly about this movie I've watched last year which is called Erased 僕だけがいない街. I watched the anime when it was just released in early 2016. Sadly it got removed after I only watched a few episodes from it. (x_x) Nevertheless the story was pretty good. I kinda expected the ending since the main character Satoru wanted to change the past in order to save friends and his mum, so he has to die and be 'erased' from the earth in order to do so. A sad ending but his action is really admirable and noble. I only felt pity for him that he did not get to be with the girl Airi whom he likes. Well, I believe he liked her. It looks obvious. But I'm also kinda upset that he didn't confess his feelings to her. At least something good has to happen in the show isn't it? It's just a pity that this didn't happen. (;´д｀)

At the start of the movie I got kinda bored at first since it's exactly the same as the anime to outline the plot. Anyway I'm kinda impressed how the print on the ticket still remains clear till now cos the other ticket of mine in which I watched later than Erased has already faded. Yeah I'm impressed with how the Erased ticket hasn't got erased yet LOL.

The thing that I recalled from this movie is that they mentioned about saying things out so that it will come true. If I didn't remember wrongly, they're referring to their wishes. If you said it, it will come true. This is something that has been bothering me for some time though. I don't know if saying it will make it come true or not since during birthdays when you're making a wish you don't usually say it. If it really comes true, does this mean God is answering your wishes? Or is this just coincidence? Or that you have clairvoyance and predicted the future at the right time? Or it is the level of your consciousness that resulted in the law of attraction? So what can it be?? WHICH IS THE RIGHT ANSWER? ＼（＞０＜）／ SHOULD I SAY OUT MY WISHES OR NOT?

I have not decided what I wanted to do for this so......

I might just keep it in my heart for now.

If one day it happens that when I said my wish and it did came true, that's when I'll begin to say all my wishes out ONE BY ONE.

If only it happens.

Spark the enthusiasm in me!

Yeah something that I'm happy with is that Aileen has replied to my comments on her videos!! It's very nice to know when my favourite youtuber respond to me. （＾∇＾） I tried doing so for Jenn Im (clothes encounters) a few times but she has never replied to me so I guess probably it's just hard to get noticed by really popular ones like her. Well I expected it but then, whenever I get replies it just made me feel really good that they noticed such a small fry like me haha. I just have this little urge to know whether they have read my comment and acknowledge my little presence of giving them support. (^_^);

Honestly in 2016 I watched almost all the videos Jenn im uploaded during the year [I can't remember if it's from the start of the year or the middle] since she's been actively uploading them and I like to see how her life goes. I'm probably just very envious of how outgoing she is and having such a fulfilling life better than mine and that's why I've been watching them all consistently. I think I was motivated in some way to be like her, which is why I've been actively asking my friends out too. haha. But I've no idea how this year will be like since....as for now I'm not in the mood and condition yet. Well anyway, let's be back to this:

The theme for the year really hasn't come across my mind until I saw Aileen mentioned it. So she made me think about it for a while. I guess for last year's mine would be to 'love myself' and I think I did it since I did pamper myself in some way, especially making trips to the hair salon. hehe. ｖ（=＾0＾=）ｖ

For this year, I want to be more motivated to do all the things I wanted to in my list. Therefore I decided the theme to be: Spark the enthusiasm in me!


That's when I read a blog post and thought that this certainly fits it. You show the enthusiasm when you exude that vibrant energy such as giving tips and not holding back. For promoters this is good since many of us are easily influenced by emotions and not making rational decisions mostly. Although we might ended up with a regret purchase, we will come up with reasons to convince ourselves that there is nothing wrong of us to do so.  Ahh.. so this is about having the emotions.


But of course this resulted in lots of questions that come to my mind now.
How am I going to have the right emotion of enthusiasm to complete all the goals I wanted to? The answer is that I need energy.
But then how do I have the energy? The answer should be that I need sleep. [wikihow says it in Method 3, although I'm mentioning this on purpose among all the methods. hahaha.]

Bravo. I'm doing a self-ask self-answer and I think I got them right. (≧▽≦)

Hey so does this means I have every reason to go sleep and be lazy? xD Well but I'm just joking for now. I need quality sleep, that's the thing. The problem has came back again just before the first day of work this year where I just went over a little time to do my stuffs even though I was really sleepy already. And just because of that, my sleepiness went away so it ended up that I was unable to sleep the whole night. How hateful is this. I thought this sleeping problem should have ended last year since I got better. But it seems like it's hard to resolve it. =( Well because I know it's gonna be hard for me to fall asleep if my sleepiness is over so whenever I feel sleepy I just make myself go to bed. Who knows I have to continue doing that until now?  (,_,)  So you see, sleep is still important to me. I'm trying hard to get really good sleep so that I have enough energy to do what I want when I have enough rest. (T ^ T)

But on one hand, this just boils down to use time effectively. Yet I believe I really need the sleep so that I have the mood and energy. I mean I know myself well cos I have forced myself before to study at a fixed time but it just didn't work. I'm so afraid the sleep problem will haunt me back again. It's really a pain that it continues even till now. Yet now I'm also afraid of feeling empty if I didn't achieve any of those that I wanted to do badly. It's just that.....it's really hard for me to stay energetic most of the time. And that is why I can't balance with having to work and study at the same time. It'll drain too much energy out of me and I feel I will break apart. How I wished I can really venture into another line that doesn't make me feel so tired out like now. (x_x)


Well well well...now that I've rested a bit and able to think clearly, I need music to influence my mood now. Since I've completed my spring cleaning faster than I thought, it's time to do many of those which are as important too.

I need the spark!

Cosmos #04 | Happy New Year 2017!

明けましておめでとう！！（*'∀'人）♥*+

Now that we're moving on to the new year, I wonder will I be filled with excitement. lol. 

Since I'm free and I just woke up from my nap, I wanna do a Kagrra collage like what I did just last year! Of course, I didn't forget how special this day is. It's time to watch and listen to Urei again and again~ I haven't been on Kagrra mode for a while and have been trying to distract myself with other groups and bands so that I'll be happy in some way. In one way or another I've no idea if it's good or not for me to do so. It just feels like a cycle. That I can't get myself to be overly obsessed with one singer/band/group for I'm afraid that if I'm into one too much I'll lose control. But then again I'll be regretful no matter what situation I'm in. >_<  If  I'm too focused on one, I'll regret for missing out a lot of other good ones out there. But if I'm exploring and listen to a bunch of others happily, I'll regret for not spending enough time on what I like, especially my dear Kagrra,. So which is the best for me?? Since I've decided to be a casual listener to Japanese and Korean music. But then, Kagrra will always be the top in my list, soooo I just shouldn't give up on any. Do as what I like then, I supposed. (^_^);

Alright since it's the very start of the year, I shouldn't hesitate and think so much. And since Kagrra always have to come to me at this time. This is a reminder to me that I should get back to them once again and continue from where I have left. There's still so many episodes of Kagrra, no Su that I'm not done with. And listening to Isshi's solos. And also do my album reviews! Arggghhh!! How should I get started?? (・_・)


(=-ω-)zzZZ乙乙 As for the update to my life this week, I have been feeling hungry so often and also sleepy right after a meal soooo often! I feel like I'm starting to live like a buta during the holidays. Beer, food, sleep. It's all I have to do during my days of rest. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm letting myself go without feeling guilty for that the recent workload would just almost kill me. They pile up like mountains and everything is important to get them settled asap. It's freaking gonna drive me nuts especially we're preparing to move but I haven't got started with packing and there's just this difficult person we have to deal with which made our work even more troublesome. ARGH. What else can we do other than to bear with the crap at this moment?
Anyway,  I've started my spring cleaning yesterday morning so I'm not totally an unmotivated person okay. Haha. I've cleared quite a bit of stuffs and now I realised my cosmetics are just getting lesser and lesser since I don't use them so often but only on special occasions. Kinda feeling pity for myself, or for the cosmetics themselves that they aren't being utilised as much. But you know, sleep and every other thing is more important to me now. lol. I believe foundation itself is the most important one cos I wanna look with good skin and complexion. I find that eye makeup just takes up a lot of time and patience and I just feel I'm crazy if I have to apply each time I went out. I NEED TO HAVE THE MOOD. I just don't wanna force myself to do something unwillingly for the sake of it. That's just meaningless.

So to speak, now's the time to start resolutions and be motivated. For one thing I wanna mention now is that I don't feel the urge to force myself with things that I feel that is against my feelings anymore. I mean especially to make myself fit in into a group and show that I have a social life. 3 years ago I did a lot since I feel I need a change in my life to know more people. But the more I know the more disappointment I got and felt so left out. Maybe I just didn't get to be in the right group or whatsoever but that doesn't matter anymore now. There is nothing to be missed but to move forward to better future. I don't feel sad that I'm not part of any group for that that's not a very important thing that I must have in life. I mean I know 2 kinds of people now - those without social life basically is because:
1. they chose not to since they believe family is more important than friends and they are strong enough to be by themselves rather than keep meeting people
or
2. they want to but just that they can't find any! lol. [which means they don't have friends]

Somehow I wanna say I believe that stingy friend belongs to the second because she's the one who keeps asking me out and I don't see her hanging out with anyone else. xD Well it also took me long enough to realise that it's no wonder that I have never got the urge to ask her out all along, cos I was treated like some lowly person. Anyway back to the above, I've seen lots of people who fall in the first category and so.....I think I'm in that too for now. [I am indeed a good, generous and trustworthy person so I'm not lacking in friends haha] ♪～(´ε｀　)

I still believe most important is that I'm happy with what I'm doing. There is so much to do already! I have endless of videos to watch and books to read. I have my list of projects and tasks I wanna accomplish for myself. I don't need to make myself spend so much money and time on social life it's really exhausting. To put it bluntly, it's more of showing off to people that you're popular. But the sad fact is, they are always the one whom you CAN'T depend on at all. If you need help, they'll probably be the first to run away from you. (-_-)

Ahh.. this just reminds me this is another cycle thing. Yeah I might have said that I don't care about my social life now but who knows if I get older then I ended up being socially active in someway? Well well, I don't really care much about that now so let's not think yeah? I'll rather make my time and life more worthwhile with people who really care about me rather than talking all sorts of nonsense from other people... [I'm pretty sure they talked behind my back too since they've talked about others even if they did nothing. ⋋_⋌]

Yeah, so this sums up as my start. I have a dear friend who came up with a timetable for all her activities whereby she incorporated time for studies and exercise so I'm impressed with how motivating she is. Oops my projects just come as too generic and not specific enough on how I should set my time for all the things I wanted to do. Well, I'm trying? I just find it hard to stick to something at a certain time [unless is certain day] and having a list of things to do is just easier for me. My weakness is to wake up early in the morning cos I just CAN'T I NEED SLEEP and I put sleep before everything. (>ω<) I need to have enough sleep so that my brain can function. lol. I don't know how to work on it since it took me sometime to be able to sleep normally. I'm just not normal although I'm an ordinary person. hahaha.

Okay, gonna continue my spring cleaning with this bruise and have to get it done before CNY comes. Let's just hope 2017 gets better. And I'll be a better person than before. （＾∇＾）

xx
Yuuka