Self evaluation: Personality checklist

I was flipping through my files and found this piece of paper around, which was actually part of a notes from school about 10 years ago. lol. Here I am looking at the points again and noticed that I have seen myself differently compared to back then. I feel great to know that I have grown! (≧▽≦) Since I'm trying to know myself better, I guess it would be nice for me to note them on my blog as well. +.*☆( ˘ω˘ )☆*.+

Attributes - Present - (Past) - Thoughts
01. Aggressive → Moderate → (Not very) : How forceful can one be?
02. Ambitious → Not very → (Very) : LOL!!
03. Analytical → Not really → (Not very) : Very much the same 
04. Articulate → Kinda, I think I've improved in some way? → (Moderate) : I didn't think so about my past-self now! I thought I was much worse back then.. O_O
05. Assertive → Not that into it now at work → (Moderate) : Omg. Is this a problem?
06. Cheerful → Yes → (Moderate) : But then I think it depends on who I'm facing.
07. Competitive → NOT AT ALL → (Moderate) : I think in the past I can't bring to see myself lose, especially when it comes to grades.
08. Confident → Oh yes~ Well I'm still working on it though. → Not very: This is true though. My self-esteem was low as a teen. 
09. Conscientious → Yes definitely okay! → (Very) : yeah I still maintain it.
10. Cooperative → Yes! And I like to be guided of what is expected of me and what exactly I should do. → (Moderate) : Just don't make use of me and order me about.
11. Creative → Nope. → (Not very) : Ahhh this is so me. lol. 
12. Dependable → Yes! You can entrust the things to me and I will do it well! That is, of course when it's something that I know of. → (Very) : Anyone who knows me will know me for it hehe. 
13. Efficient → Yes!! → (Moderate) : I wasn't really sure if I really know how to make good use of my time at those times. But homework? I'll sure get them completed on time. 
14. Energetic → I'm even unsure of this now. (・・;) I'm always tired! → (Not very): And since I aged, my body gets even more lethargic if I spend the whole day out. Then I need a day of rest at least to recuperate. 
15. Enthusiastic → Yes but I have more for the things I'm interested in. → (Moderate) : I guess I was even more not so enthusiastic back then since I did little. haha.
16. Friendly → Not so, unless with people I know of. → (Moderate) : I have classmates who said that I am easy to get along with. But as I grow, I don't like to get friendly with anybody else. Who knows what those freaking strangers are up to and whether they are cheats? Don't come too close to me!
17. Industrious → Yeah I am. I always do my best. → (Moderate) : Why did I think that? Oh I was too hardworking at one point and then it drove me nuts so I lax more for the next few years.  Cos I didn't know where I was going and why do I have to work so hard for nothing... 
18. Logical → Coming up with solutions? Not my kind though. → (Not very) : I can't helped it that I'm not a problem solver. It's not as though it's an easy thing, if a solution doesn't work then what's the solution for?  Especially if an unexpected problem strikes when you're unprepared. I think it depends on your flexes how fast you can react with a smart brain, which is what I'm lacking of till now. lol.
19. Loyal → Maybe? haha. → (Not very) : It depends on how happy you are with the environment and the people too. 
20. Optimistic → Yes, better than before. → (Not very) : Because I'm afraid and worry too much about what has yet to come. Life is scary.
21. Persevering → Undaunted by setbacks? Who doesn't? It still depends on what you're facing too. There's also a tolerance limit to how much we can take. → (Moderate) : Ahh this one is true, back then I persevered at my co-curricular activity even when it turned out bad for everyone. Well, when it comes to jobs, it's even tougher to leave and get away when there's more obligations and the need for money.
22. Poised → On the outside, "yeah". On the inside, "damn, what should I do?! This sucks!!" → (Not very) : Yeah right, till now I don't expose certain emotions to people. I will try to make myself look calm before any action. 
23. Precise → Perfection? I'll only do my best. → (Very) : I was too much into perfection back then so I wanted everything to be at it's top best for me. But nope, I'm not going for it now. So long as things are over 80% in proper that's good enough for me. I don't expect so much. 
24. Self controlled → I hardly have any anger shown. Even if I'm angry, I boil inside. lol. Unless it's too much too unreasonable. → (Moderate) : Yeah I haven't show this side of me to others. I wished I can so that people will be afraid of me. HAHAHA 
25. Sincere → Oh yes for sure → (Moderate) :This deepens as I age. hehe. 
26. Tactful → Hmm maybe I am.. → (Not very) : I'm even not good at handling situations when I was younger. lol. 
27. Understanding → yeah I am. But sometimes I wonder what's the point when no one is understanding for me. Life is unfair. → (Moderate) : I need to get a grip of this. Hmph!


Wow what a long list that I've gone through! Look at me now, I'm talking so much lately. I wouldn't even dare to say a thing of my mind as a teen. Sometimes I really hate to think about it, that my past leaves me helpless. But since I got better, I don't hate myself that much anymore.

That's what growing is about, right? =)

5 things I can't live without

1. Trash bin → I always have things to discard.
2. Soap → I can't let myself feel unclean.
3. Bread → Food actually. But if I have to only pick a staple, I'll rather bread than rice. But it must be delicious bread so that I can swallow. xD
4. Water of course → Can't be dehydrated and can't afford to let my throat suffer again. =(
5. TV! → I can forego all sorts of leisure entertainment but not TV! It's what I grew up with and you can say it's my playmate? Hard for me to let go. haha. 

I'm being random alright. But I just thought of it. If I were to be on a deserted island, I'll definitely not be able to survive cos I don't know how to live without everything that I have. I'm surely not a survivor lol. But I don't care. Why should I try so hard to live in that kind of environment?  If there is no food or water around, I'll find a corner space that I feel safe and I'll slowly just let my life vanish. In a peaceful manner without food. It's better than walking around in danger and having to fight any beast or getting bitten by insects or falling into traps. I have no idea how anybody can do it. When I watch such scenes on TV I would panic and stick my eyes to it to see how they would survive. I don't know how does the urge for survival could make them so strong and bear with all that....pain? Does bravery just come when you are left with nothing? I doubt it will happen to me though. I can't face it. The first thing I'll do most probably is to cry. lol.

Okay then, I think my list of 5 things doesn't seem to be right since I said I can't live without everything. But if I can choose the top 5 only, it might be those. But then again, life would be kinda meaningless without everything else. So what's the point of living? (・_・)

Oh well, now let me throw some waste away then. *sneeze* 

Cosmos #10 | on the road to recovery

It's been a sick week. (,_,)

Well last Saturday I managed to do a little update despite that I wasn't feeling well. My throat got more painful as the days go by, the most painful time being at night on Sunday. It was sooooo painful that I couldn't sleep! Eveytime I drink or swallow food or anything, it hurts like mad!! It was definitely the first time for me to bear with such a pain in my throat! I think I experienced such a virus attack on me like every year if I'm not wrong. But this time it was the most horrible since I have to be on sick leave for 2 days cos of this pain. Although after that I'm still not recovered but at least better to be outside. I remember 3 years ago I had a terrible sore throat too and also cough which lasted a month? That's because I didn't consult the doctor and self-cure at home since I wasn't working anyway. lol. That is bad in itself. But this time it is more damaging than I thought. It actually hurt more than what hurt back then. It even changed my tastebuds which affected my appetite yesterday at lunch. I totally can't bring myself to finish the food. For this entire week, I've wasted a lot of food because of it. But I don't wish to!! I really can't bring myself to eat them anymore or else I might puke at any time. I'm really really deeply sadden for what has happened to my body. It could be the medicines that brought me this. I completed the ones for inflammation and pain but antibiotics is something that I cannot stick to though. I've stopped after 3 days of dosage. I have been feeling the discomfort in my stomach at night as well. How can I continue anymore when I felt so horrible for so long? The medicines didn't seem to be working. And also, most throat pains are caused by virus and therefore antibiotics won't work against them isn't it? I mean, I really had enough of this torture for the whole week. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ

Now that it has transformed into phlegm and making my voice a little weird. (-_-) Okay, but at least the pain has gone. God bless! At least I can talk like normal again. It's actually such a blessing to talk normally and eat food with flavour. Trust me, this little things in life that we never consider to be significant is actually a blessing in itself. I am thankful that I felt better after a whole week of torture. (´；Д；｀)

Yeah then it leaves me thinking that this year certainly begins as a huge ass for me. Why is it such a rockery road during such a short period of time in 3 months? I'm also beginning to be dissatisfied with my current job now cos my manager keeps throwing things at me to do when she can settle them herself. And keep using the length of my employment as the dumb reason that I should be able to do the work. What an asshole when she worked even longer than me. My coworker is also dissatisfied with her and complains whenever she's not around. It's nasty to have someone who makes things that aren't your business to be your business. Dumb ass why should we care about every single thing when it is not of our concern or responsibility? And not to mention, she has been very fake (all along) at not just praising people but also (began) offer her help but in the end the work is thrown to me. Bravo. That's how she resort to handle things right now. (¬_¬)

Is this a little late for me to mention my dissatisfaction? I've already tried to be wary of her and I know not to be too nice to trust her since when I just got in, she actually put the blame on me when talking to the customer when I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON. I was totally clueless since I just took over the job and not familiar with everything. But she was indeed quick enough to blame me since I was new. Instead when she could have checked first. It has already left a mark in me since the incident. And she did threaten to say to me (when it's just the both of us) that she will not let me stay if I didn't perform well since I took a longer time to complete the tasks. But hey, I was willing to spend more time and OT just for the sake of completing. Why didn't anyone see my efforts? ⋋_⋌

Maybe it's time. The time will come anyway. I know not everyone is perfect but there's a limit to anyone's tolerance. It's better to keep away from toxic people before they destroy you. And especially when you know where you stand, when there isn't any chances of you going ahead in the same place.

 
How I hope I can make things messed up and let her suffer one day. HAHAHA. Well, that said....I hate to continue talking about her actually. LOL.

Now let's zoom into what I've got before I was sick. I even went for a long walk on a sunny day with my precious friend. And hanging out at the museum for so long and did a little shopping. I bought myself rubber stamps of Jinbeisan cos it's so cute!!! Although this was expensive and not necessary at all but I can't stop myself at the sight of this!! Rubber stamps have always been my favourite and I thought I have to be nice to myself sometimes. I didn't regret this at all!! And what's with me into blue right? I even got a blue highlighter along with it. hahaa.

And during that week I thought of experimenting my eyebrows by drawing them on and see if it's better. Oh yes indeed it is! Look at the difference on my left one! No wonder girls are into drawing their brows before they go out. I can't believe that's how the difference is especially when taking photos. Your face really comes off better with nicely shaped brows too. I tried to be more diligent by drawing them on for the week. But then when sickness strikes, I stopped drawing since last week for a week now. (x_x)

Wow, so that's how fast things could change huh.. It's definitely the time for me to think about things more and plan ahead. Most importantly is to get my health back into place. And be more productive. I hope I can do more for myself and not to be too bothered about everything. Bless me I hope things get better as much as my health.


After a storm, I will see the rainbow before me isn't it?

I.will.save.myself.

Smooth hair please!

Ahhh I'm just so bad at handling my hair. (┯_┯)

It's been a month and I think I should talk about my hair condition and keep going at it!

Well, I've bought a new hair conditioner and been using it since last week. It was by far the best one I've used! Although I don't like how it smells [maybe due to vinegar?] but it seems to be effective for me! I like how quick I can leave it for just 1 minute, and the next day I'll have smooth and manageable hair in the morning. I'm impressed! Although I wonder is it really due to the conditioner or that I didn't leave it longer for the previous ones I've used [since they indicate as leave on for 1-3min then rinse]. But on usual weekdays I'm just lazy to do too much when I'm already so tired from work. I should try to do more for myself but tiredness would always stop me from doing more....lol.

One thing to note, my hair stylist did mention to me that I should wash my hair twice at one go. Meaning wash-rinse-wash-rinse. Ah~ I didn't really think of doing that at first. Well you see, this means that I have to do a little more again. But then I do realised that sometimes I feel my hair gave me the feeling that it's still not entirely clean even after washing. So oh...the trick is to wash it again!! But does that work? Again, it could be the shampoo. After I washed the 2nd time with my organic shampoo it'll leave my hair feeling too dry instead. That's what I'm afraid of that will happen. What a struggle. (-_-)

I guess after all when it comes to image [mainly on the hair I supposed], it is costly! You have to be ready to pour your money on it to look good. Hair products are something you will end up spending so much money on. For me, I'm still going little steps at it. I think I have more skincare products that I'm more attentive to and spend on often but it probably isn't so much compared to what I've to spend on my hair. Especially to the salon. If I ever become obsessed with my hair then I guess I have to spend on the tools which is gonna burn my pocket maybe. haha. I don't know what's gonna come though. DO I have to spend that much? Okay, the answer should be it depends how much do I love my hair. HAHAHA.

I don't know why I still feel kinda ache if I ended up spending on something not effective or not worth because every single cent is my hard-earned money. I do cherish and care how and what I have to spend on. Although there are times where I spend just for the sake of spending xD 

Keep working on getting better hair, Yuuka!

Cosmos #09 | just go away!!

I guess right now I shall do a little update.

What's been going on this week? The weather has gone quite bad and in fact so hot and uncomfortable that I got sick with a painful throat now. I wonder if partly it's due to my co-workers already got ill since Monday and I might have got it from them. Or is it the fried chicken lunch we had together on one of the days for lunch? I didn't even feel like having an all meaty meal without a single piece of vegetables but I didn't have a choice when it comes to social obligations. ~( ´•︵•` )~ That's something tough about being in the society. (¬_¬)

Anyway, I think things are finally going good now since I'm starting to get used to alighting at the right stop and more decided of the places for lunch. And I managed to do my work on time although there's still a little pile of papers I haven't yet filed them up. There's lesser mistakes and work has became smoother, much better than the times when the bitch is around. hahaa. I didn't wanna use that word on her but she has vexed me and everyone in the office for over a year. Well everyone is happy that she left anyway. I just don't get why my manager is the only one who wants to speak good of her in front of me only. What is she up to? I don't agree with her thoughts at all. Because if she's stating a fact that's okay but she's more like stating her opinions and praising her in which I don't get her intention at all. Well, who can you trust in the workplace? (x_x) Everyone is acting to be a nice person in front of everyone else...

Not much to say anymore since I'm not really in a productive mood. Especially with this painful throat that's stopping me from having any snacks or fried stuffs as I wanted. All I want now is all the nasty things and people to go away!! And of course I will believe my day will be brighter. 🌤️

Shopping Saturday~ ٩(๑´3｀๑)۶

Had done my happy shopping on Saturday! It was rainy but it doesn't matter since the weather is so unpredictable lately. I'm glad there are so many sales going on!! I bought quite a lot of other stuffs too but I'm only showing a few things here lol. I even got myself 2 pajamas! Since after watching Melodee's night time routine she mentioned the benefits of wearing pajamas to bed to sleep better. Yeah for me to have another thing to spend my money on. (≧▽≦)

Well but now, I'm gonna do review for the products that I've bought some time ago so this goes:

• Fair Fluer loose powder (pink beige) : I am so happy that loose powders are still around and I can find a good one! I don't get why those big brands aren't selling loose powders anymore and even if I can find one from a cheaper brand it's not of that much quality imo. Japanese ones are just so good! Although could be too pinkish for me but I dab only a little on my face so I think it doesn't matter. It has the most sweet smelling rose scent which made me think as though I'm putting bandung on my face. haha. I think I'm pretty satisfied from using this. ❀

• EH pore tightening essence : Honestly, I just can't figure out if those pore essence work or not. I've been sticking to ZA one and I feel it's pretty okay. And both these 2 products are just skincare products that will go into my skin and making me feel better that my pores should be tighten after using them. So is this just for me to console myself? lol. But I have a huge problem with pores so this kind of product is probably something that I will have to stick to for a long long time.

• Hada labo water gel : I'm starting to be impressed with water gel now, cos they seem to be absorbed into my skin fast and leaving my skin really hydrated and comfortable the entire day. I used to stick to ZA moisturizer for many years already but recently last year I began to think I should change my moisturizer cos I don't feel that product is being effective on me anymore. My skin still feels dry after using which is weird!! Well I think it's also probably got to do with age so I need a better product for my skin this time. And indeed! I didn't regret buying this water gel cos it works so well. Just that I don't like to dip in to get the product. I'll rather pour cos it'll be more hygienic. But it has got to do with the product viscosity so that's why they'll package it that way? But how about press pumps? That would be a better way though.

Yeah I'm done with this and I still wanna do more shopping!!!  (・∪・)

Life has to be worth living by being happy each day.✨

What a coincidence! During this week, I was feeling down from work. Too many things happened lately especially with people who keep coming and going. It's just tiring to deal with different people from time to time and also customers with stupid demands that makes no sense. This all made me find work to be meaningless now. What I'm doing now is just for the sake of getting the pay and nothing else. Since I know there won't be a chance for me to learn more and progress but instead be thrown to cover shitty things in the future who knows. I don't really have a good feeling about it anymore. I'm really getting so tired from all the crap to face cos I always have to do double work. And things that can be solved by others they rather throw to me and then back to them. What's the problem with them huh? Or can I say the work process is just dumbass? What if I messed up the work cos I'm unsure? Yeah that might ended up that my co-workers will be angry with me cos they'll have to do the correction which means they'll have to deal with double work. But why am I the one to bear with it just because I'm the most junior. Fuuu~~!! But then, I'm angry with them in the first place because no one is passing instructions properly. It made me almost making a mistake which might be huge. I really wanna give them a tight slap on the face cos they like to push work about and always throw this sentence "You should ask." YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SHOULD TELL!! Who the fuck knows what you're thinking and what's right. How would I know what are the right questions to ask? Will you always answer me with patience? [Mostly, is no] Is it so difficult to give proper instruction than assume? How can you compare me with you who've worked for mushroom years? You know better but you rather sit and wait for others [me] to know what you want and do it for you. Damn, just damn!!! I'm getting so pissed with the people here. ⋋_⋌

Back to talking about meaningless. Came across that while watching a tv show at night, where the 2 characters are talking about whether life is meaningless to deal with someone who angers you and shorten your life. They're talking about a family member though, and whether she should just divorce the man, but she didn't care about what's meaningful or meaningless or not and just lead her life like this. That sounds like a loser isn't it? Why should you torture yourself and making him living off you, unless you still have the love for him. But no, they didn't even talk anything about love. I wonder is it about the responsibility she can't give up or she's just lazy to think how to improve her life. Either that we all have a choice to make, but there are people like her who are sticking with the bad ones. I just don't get it. Why do you wanna care what others think when you don't owe them a living? There's nothing wrong even if you divorce at any age, be it in your 50s. What's so ashamed about it? It's more shameful if you let people to pull you and direct your life instead of yourself even at that age. You should live a life that makes you happy, not troubled. I just don't understand her thoughts...  (¬_¬)

Okay, it's only a drama character but somehow I got affected by it lol. Well I was thinking of it in terms of my job. I'm not totally unhappy though, since I've been too used to comparing it with my previous job which was much worse. I do cherish this current one that I'm having that's why I'm always doing my best each day. But on one hand, I think those people are taking me for granted. Bet that in their minds they think I won't leave. But I will, cos I know for sure this is not the place for me to get by forever. I don't wanna get stuck. I just need to find the right time to go and be prepared for it. I'm afraid that I'll end up really getting unhappier each day until it was too obvious that everyone knows I'm gonna leave? I wanna give a shocking surprise instead. HAHAHA. Yeah I'm just dreaming but hey that day might come.....

So to the part about coincidence! I wanted to read books that would prepare me for it! And it so happens that I found those good books related to jobs that were on sale yesterday. It was such a great deal!! I'm happy for this! (⌒‐⌒) I'm so gonna finish up those books and talk about it. LIFE HAS TO BE WORTH LIVING BY BEING HAPPY EACH DAY. ~[This quote is by me. ヽ(・∀・)ノ]

Yeah I guess I do vent enough by saying so much earlier on. My reading last month was this Chinese book on independence. How a woman should be independent herself.

Well, because the mountains will fall and the people will leave, so depending on yourself is the best thing ever!

But this book doesn't give a lot of useful pointers on how to be independent. The content are mostly stories heard by the author and so she's giving us real-life examples of what some women faced. And so the conclusion is that we shouldn't depend on others but ourselves cos life will be better this way!!

Oh well, anyway I did a little quiz few days ago for the fun of it and realised it's true that I still depend on a lot of people in my life and it seems that I can't get away with it. Is reliance a bad thing? I don't know how can I get away for now when it's pretty good so far. There's just so much to do for being independent. The burden on the shoulders seem to sink a lot. lol. I guess the only way that will force me to not rely on others is when there's someone who will need to depend on me. That if I wasn't around things won't work and the world will end. (;・・) Well, that is, if indeed there is someone who needs me a lot. If not, my life will probably still be.....


Even alone, life can still be good.

But who knows what the future will bring?