Last day of Feb~!

February is about to come to an end! It's the additional day to this year. lol. There's the CNY break of 3 days for me but I felt it wasn't enough. I don't feel I've properly rested.. Maybe a week or so I'll feel rejuvenated.  (^_^;) But I haven't have plans yet for that long. Things have to keep coming in and yeah haven't got the time to properly sit down and think all over.  While I'm trying to get such done, let me do a little update today~

Well well, as much as I've said I might not cut those white hairs on my head but it's really been so annoying to see the 3 strands sticking up everyday and I can't help but to wonder if anyone have noticed and find it really funny. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ So I really can't take it anymore and cut those 3 strands away carefully. lol. They were actually about the same length? Argh. Can you believe that I've been a tweety bird for so long??? Now I finally felt better after not seeing those white hairs anymore. lol.

I'm only wishing that they won't grow back to that length. (ーー゛) If not, I'll keep looking like an old young person. Noooo I don't wanna look like a joker. Duh.

I haven't get to do much shopping! Recently there hasn't been any interesting and new things around. I got so bored! All I could do is getting necessities most of the time although yet I got that sticker from Daiso cos it just attracted me again. xD

This month my body has gone crazy!! I felt hungry most of the time and I just have to keep getting food. But my weight is still the same I guess. I don't feel any different other than a grumbling stomach all the time. (｡-_-｡) Last month I was having nausea most of the time but now, it's such a big contrast! Okay, maybe because due to CNY I have been eating a lot, my stomach could have expanded and so that is the case? lol.  Good thing is that I've been eating well although my sleep problem doesn't get resolved. It's still scary. There are still times where I couldn't sleep the whole night, whether I've used lavender oil or eat some food or listening to classical music. It just doesn't work when your body doesn't coorperate isn't it?  Other than that, this February month goes by like this being kinda empty.

Well then, there's always the next month! Let my March be a good one for me to come with more worthy posts.


I just miss someone reading here... I've always been yearning for u to be around.

I hope u get it.

I wanna be free...

Hello World~ I've actually not blogged for 2 weeks! I didn't want to be like this... but I just can't type a thing at my blog. I'm also troubled as u know.  ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

You see, I felt empty this long... I know I've been saying that I need to focus on myself and taking a break from most things. But somehow, because I don't want to think, I ended up not wanting to do a thing. It's definitely not that good I know! I just want more time of my own and clear my mind while I stay away from most people where I can't feel that I'm part of them. But then I ended up lacking in motivation suddenly, and then I lack the inspiration to write my lyrics. It doesn't come out of my naturally like it used to. (T ^ T) I was so upset about this and so I don't have the mood for anything else. Then I ended up not doing anything again,...so it turned out to be an endless cycle! I wonder if the reason behind it is cos that I've no longer have any feelings/connections with Ayu anymore. From having no feelings to getting irritated with her recent activities, I think I'm mostly done with being her fan. Everything she does now doesn't make me feel related to her anymore. I can't feel her song nor her lyrics. She's became the queen that is so far from reach. She isn't the same person that made me like in the first place. From disappointment after disappointment, I've learnt not to expect anything from her anymore. But I still keep getting disappointed with what she does. I'd rather she take a break than me taking a break. Because my break from her couldn't last! I ended up having to make such a decision.. The news of her keep appearing everywhere made me irritated. Why do you have to keep acting sexy? The Ayu I know of and liked doesn't act that way all the time. Where is the Ayu who wrote profound lyrics that made me learned and love? NOT HERE ANYMORE!

You know, I've actually been defending her and telling myself to support her no matter what but this time I don't think I can last and lie to myself anymore. I couldn't take it. Since I actually felt uncomfortable I think probably I really have to let go. It's been bothering me for this long so why should I continue to make myself feel so troubled? Initially I thought her next studio album shall be the determining factor as to whether I'll continue to be her fan. But now since I already felt that uncomfortable should I even wait that long? Maybe I shouldn't be taking this too seriously, but I don't wanna be a fan for nothing. I seek that feeling, inspiration, motivation and love from my idols. I don't wanna follow blindly. I know she grows and so do I! And that's why I believe that it's probably time for me to let go.. And I did! I've actually dump away those new articles of her I've collected over the years and also all the posters. The only thing I haven't yet done is her albums that I've painstakingly collected for 12 years of my fandom?  I probably need not do this far but... I just can't help it. I've been struggling with this for so long. It took me a while to realise that I'm actually not so into her since Party Queen era. All along I'm actually forcing myself to keep up with her. Because I don't wanna waste the effort and years of collecting. But now I believe it's better for me to face the truth... I would say I'm about to give up being her fan for real. Maybe I'll be free and better this way. (,_,)

I don't wanna feel upset but to be true to myself. Since I really love rock a lot and I can't feel Ayu anymore through her pop songs, it's better for me to go after what I truly love. Moreover, we live to be happy isn't it? I should stop letting myself feeling troubled for things that don't work for me anymore.

Yeah, now that I've finally spoken my thoughts, I feel better now without keeping this within me anymore. I'm only thinking how am I to break such a news to everyone.  (._.)

Maybe I don't need to say so since no one there really cares about me. I'll just continue to live my life and do what I want.


Well anyway, I've updated my twitter profile and I'm glad to say that. haha.

And since Buck-Tick music has taken over my time mostly, it's time for me to start a new life with the lyric work that I'm proud of again.


May this will be the reason for me to get moving and start all over again...

15th lyric release - Dulcet

I'm currently obsessed with Buck-tick songs and trying to get their songs into me so that I can write the kind of lyrics I want. It's been more than a month already and I still haven't yet got a full song written since. It's as though I have a mental block. lol. I hate how busyness and tiredness has eaten away my inspiration. But for now, I don't wanna leave my blog empty without a lyric post as what I usually do every month. So I shall post one from last year's work.  A positive song shall be a good start and reminder for me to go on. I hope I can find it back soon. (・∪・)

[Inspired by BUCK-TICK MISS TAKE～僕はミス・テイク～]

Dulcet 
My memories are going in a twirl
slowly melting away my desires

How can only beginnings be sweet
and leaving us in pain thereafter

If the presence of love destroys me,
let me be gone just as it is

*Look at the path ahead that we can't escape
I've became an Angel of my own
Worries shall flow to neverland
Nothing can slow me down

What have I left behind that I need to search for again?
Must changes be the reason to make us stronger?

If love turns out as a tragic,
I don't want to recall a thing

*Look at the path ahead that we can't escape
I've became an Angel of my own
Worries shall flow to neverland
Nothing can slow me down

*Look at the path ahead that we can't escape
I've became an Angel of my own
Freedom that once swept past me
I will not stop flying

~~~~~
Am I the only one who could encourage myself at this moment? 

I need the strength, but I don't wanna recall a thing for now...

~~Yuuka

Tea of Kagrra, memories♥

Yeah let me begin the new year with a Kagrra, post! It was Nao's birthday last Friday. I hope he has received my birthday message to him although I wished him late. (^_^;) My brain wasn't working well enough I can't think of the next Japanese sentence to type. lol. Just hope that the English words has attracted his attention. =D

Nao's too cute at making faces. I'm so happy he tweeted that too. hehe. (*^｡^*)  His birthday cake looks so good!! Come to think of it, I didn't have a birthday cake for myself last year. And it wasn't really being celebrated. lol. I don't know how's it gonna be like this year. Isn't it quite a sad thing that we don't celebrate it as much compared to those days as a kid? What does it mean to be an adult? Life is so tiring that we can't be bothered as much as before. (._.)


On to happy stuffs!! I managed to spot for my favourite Oi ocha last month! Argh it has actually been 2 years since I last drank it! It's really not easy to find it and I have to head down to those huge supermarts that are so far away from my home. I'm glad I have such a good surprise after having a dinner with a friend. It brings back those memories of Kagrra, I had with me the last time. I can't really remember the taste since it's been so long. But I'm so happy that I can give one to dear Sharon and she loved it too! And the same taste come to me once more! It indeed tasted good without that usual tea aftertaste although it's unsweetened. I can say this tea represents Kagrra so well as it brings out the relaxing feel after you drank it. lol. Moreover, isshi guessed it correctly during the game with this one. （*'∀'人）♥*+

I hope I can spot it again, since I can't be buying like a crate back home. （・□・；） I only have that one bottle and I can't bear to drink yet cos it's too precious. It's the tea of Kagrra, memories to me. I might be exaggerating too much but it's also the first time I'm experiencing a thing like that. lol. It's just awesome that I can find something quite close to me that is of Kagrra,-related. I hope someone understands this crazy fandom of mine. hahaha.


One great shot of the cards in Hisai tour DVD!! Not too happy to see Isshi's face got covered for his own card. I bet fans are better at selecting the right shots for cards and booklet. lol.

Next will be Izumi's birthday coming soon. I hope he's having a good time too. Will he be celebrating? Will Nao-ran be meeting him? Will he still be thinking of Kagrra,? I will wish him as usual, whether he receives it or not.


Let's just keep the Kagrra, spirit going no matter what...

Happy CNY 2016~

Ah... It's really been such a busy time for me the past month until now. If not for the upcoming CNY holidays, I probably won't have the time now to sit and blog like this on such a rainy weekend. (^_^;) I'm definitely getting behind in quite a lot of stuffs now. All I want to do after a day's work is to watch a show at least and write something or else I'll just head to bed. I keep feeling tired all the time and 7 hours plus of sleep just isn't sufficient after all. (-_-) But at least since I got so used to work I'm able to achieve my objectives for the day. And that's how boring my life is gonna go, since I'm focusing on work more than anything else. (；´Д｀) 

But now I have the time to rest so it isn't all that bad. I managed to watch 3 episodes of a Taiwanese romance drama while painting my nails green. I'm so convinced that I'm not good at painting nails at all since I paint them probably once or twice a year. Or maybe it's the nail polish that probably isn't of a good quality? But I don't know if I should even say so lol. It just doesn't turn out as good as before in the past years. I can't paint them evenly anymore. Argh. But I just feel like doing something for myself for the new year at least so I made myself paint them. Okay~ supposedly part of the reason is that I wasn't really in the mood and having the patience for all these. Probably cos the drama has taken my focus away too. Argh how ironic. When I can paint my nails since I'm doing an office job I don't even feel like getting them painted cos it's too troublesome! But many years back since I have to do experiments and handle food, I feel like painting them so much cos I couldn't do so!! Why why why things don't happen at the right time sometimes. (x_x) I'm having second thoughts on whether I should try to do manicure since I've never tried it before. It's one of the ways that usually women went to pamper themselves lol. But I guess for myself, it'll probably just be going to the hair salon and do treatment that's all. (>ω<)

I'm glad at least my spring cleaning is almost completed and I have cleared quite a bit of my old clothes and useless stuffs that I've kept for years. It feels good to actually dump them away. I felt kinda free on one sense. Plus I read from an article that up to 70% of the items in our room are just redundant and we don't use them. We keep them just for sentimental value. lol. But those are only worth keep if they are indeed of value to you. I guess it's more like re-evaluating each year and consider if they are worth your space for more years to come. Those questions are in my mind when I'm considering to keep or throw them: "Do I need it anymore? Will I use it (again)? Does it give me happiness?"  I find this time I'm better at answering my own questions. lol. I've cleared most of the stuff and I feel different this time. I really feel that I can welcome the new and ditch the old. I need to make myself feel better and decide which is more important to me now. I can't be like before anymore. I seriously need to learn how to be a happier person. (≧▽≦)

Some of the little things I've bought~: 

I wonder if this neck pillow is of any good use cos it made my neck ache more the first time I used it. (ーー゛) Anyway is that a chicken? It doesn't look that obvious to me and I'm still figuring it out. lol.

I've even went to buy a red dress just for CNY! I don't want it at first cos it cost a bomb, but then I don't wanna get back home empty handed for this new year and it's just strange that there isn't anything suitable for me after looking around for so long. Is it Murphy's law I wonder. When you went to buy something you just can't get the right one for yourself. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ Well it applies to me sometimes. lol. But I did bought something! Although I don't know if it's really worth for the price it must be one of the crazy things that I done. I might feel the pain in my wallet later. (,_,)

Gifts that I've got for the new year! My friend got me the facial wash at the right time! But it's so huge it might take me ages to finish it. lol. And then I go and buy some as gifts too.

Accidentally included the facial wash here. lol. Ah~ somehow I realised I keep buying eye masks and I've not managed to get one for myself from Miniso. But well I still have so many eye masks with me I shall not mind too much then. As for the scar treatment oil, I hope it works as what they claimed. I need to have the patience again. lol.


May all our wishes come true this new year~ ٩(๑´3｀๑)۶

My New Chapter too..

I haven't been talking about Michelle Phan in a while. Her recent video made me so relaxed and inspired once again. I love how when I'm feeling kinda troubled and her video seems to appear at the right time, making me feel better after that. (^_^)





Get in touch with your own beauty and flaws. It's the combination of the two that makes us all unique. 

She's definitely the best inspirational artiste that I have come across, constantly giving her all and inspiring people from time to time. I feel that I can keep learning from her even until now, instead of the Jpop queen who used to inspire me. Well then, things change and human change too. But I always believe in changing for the better. I shall talk about this some other time then, since I still need time to get things sorted out. （・□・；）

What's even more wonderful than getting reply from your favourite artiste? I love when this happens and I will definitely capture such a moment. It's nice cos this made me feel closer to her than the queen. Oops, I mentioning it again. (>_<)

Anyway, I wasn't into the makeup look lowkey baddie where Mish replied me in. Probably cos I dislike that sort of colour on the lip and nails so the whole look seems plain to me. But I really like her braided hair! I would love to do my hair like this someday and hope it suits me. I don't have enough hair and so it's hard for me to do braids now. I'm still in the midst of trying out the scalp treatment and I wonder will it take me 2 or 3 months to finish the whole bottle. Lol. I noticed some baby hairs growing so I consider this as a slight improvement for now. I hope it works well for me but it's gonna take time to see the results. I can feel the stinging sensation from the second time I used it. I guess that's cos I began to be more liberal in pouring the amount of the liquid to my head lol. But then again, my hair falls quite a bit after I massage the liquid into my scalp. I'm feeling kinda troubled to see this, cos it seems my scalp just doesn't accept products that easily. I don't know what else to do but I think I wanna continue using it and see how it goes. Moreover it takes freaking long time for hair to grow. I need to be patient throughout this period. I need to have all this time to myself more. (>ω<)


By the way I'm happy to see Mish appearing in the newspaper on 17 November last year!

Although Mish hasn't been doing as much makeup tutorials as before, I'm actually fine with it. Moreover her other videos like Pillow talk and New chapter brings us closer too. And her DIY videos seems fun! I love how she's teaching us things in other ways. I still miss her makeup tutorial videos as always but I'm totally supporting her for whatever she does cos I can always gain something from her every time. I remembered a friend of mine who told me she isn't surprised about what Mish is doing cos by now Mish should already be running out of ideas for makeup long ago. Lol. Maybe so, but I think makeup is an endless creation. There are lots of different looks that one can come up with and it changes throughout the years along with the development of products. I don't mind re-watching some of her old videos again but I also believe Mish is still constantly working on creating more looks. I know she wouldn't stop making videos as she used to say that before and that's what she's happy with doing. And that's why all the more I'm so proud to be a dreamer. +.*☆( ˘ω˘ )☆*.+

Knowing who you are by expressing who you are on the outside so that people can see you.

You need to love yourself so you'll exist!! Although it takes time for me but I'm slowly able to find my way of expression and I can identify myself more this time. It's through Michelle Phan that my interest in makeup and skincare grow. During those times where I know nothing about the facial products, have bad skin, lack of confidence and not focusing on the right things. Now I became a better and confident person not just on the outside but also on the inside with regards to who I am.

Thank U Mish for teaching me so much~ (⌒‐⌒)


I will focus more on myself this year and continue to do what I love.  Let's always be strong. ♥

Is it over yet?

The busy week is just over!!! But not like I'm very happy about it though, I still have so much other work to do and get them settled soon. There's always the deadline that I have to make sure I get them done before that. It's always rushing, but at least I can plan my time well to rush before those dates. I have been so busy and drained for the past week that I have got no energy to see around me what's going on. But anyway, since I have already decided to focus on myself this year, I guess I shouldn't be bothering myself with any unimportant stuffs too. If it's tiring me out, I probably should leave it aside and not let it ruin myself. Besides, work has been enough to take over my life. Lol. 

I might want more time of my own for this year. This is just the beginning but I have somewhat having those struggles just like before and I feel something is lacking in my life too. I have so much thoughts lately. I wished I can get distracted through work but after a day's work I might start thinking about all sorts again. What is missing in my life now (besides my dear Shua)? What do I want actually? What is there that I can do? Who really cares?? I have so many questions that I'm still finding the answers to it. And damn, it's only Tuesday but I'm very tired now. My whole body is aching so much!!! Probably the worst I ever felt. And my stomach hurts a lot today too. Maybe cos I have been working too hard. And maybe cos I've those bothering thoughts. I just hope I can get better soon. I need a deep sleep for days so that I can revive again. I might be worse than a zombie now. >_< 

If I consider something to be over for me, that's when I know I'm not the same as before and so I will totally let it out of my life and won't look back again.

Can I really give up?