What to do with the bag...?

This is the news I see about the queen on Friday's newspaper in the morning. Sure I wasn't surprised it's something bad about her once more. (・_・)

Oh yeah so she's reporting sick and therefore she has to cancel the Nagoya concert? How many times have we heard of it? I feel so sorry for the fans. Why so just because the seats couldn't get filled up and have to be cancelled cos of that? I'm also sorry to say, since I got so disappointed by the queen time after time that I can no longer trust what she says. Yeah, as much as I don't wanna talk about her anymore, that's a fact anyway. I don't wanna be talking bad about her either since I used to be her fan. But nowadays seeing her manner kinda disgust me that I really wanna shut away from her news. I don't even know what's her latest song I wouldn't wanna hear anymore too. She's too different from what I know. I don't even wanna say her name but calling her as 'the queen' instead. But I'm not even sure can she hold up to this name. She isn't doing as good as before. I don't mean in terms of popularity but as a person as well, with her life. I can't look up to her anyway so why am I giving her such a good name? Maybe for now cos I can't think of anything else.  (¬_¬)

Anyway, the reason why I'm mentioning the queen is because I have this hot pink sling bag that's with me for a year already! And I haven't even use it once! The tag remains there nicely. I just can't find a time to use it somehow. I know I can but I wasn't in the mood anyway. That was because it was last year when I get it I was still kinda 'supporting' the queen, and I remembered coming across a picture of her in black dress and carrying such a hot pink sling bag. I was trying to have a cosplay plan of her for the next year. Who knows when this year came I wasn't into her anymore and so the plan failed. I wanted to post a picture of that queen carrying the bag but I couldn't find it anymore. Google doesn't help much. It was in my phone earlier on but I guess it was deleted some time this year so I couldn't find it too. Well since fate ends what I can say? This just means it. I might have to part this bag goodbye or just use it without thinking so much. But I might hate it. I might hate myself. What a struggle.

I will get over it somehow but for the moment, let me just leave it aside still. And better plan for what's important. I've gotten rid of most things that reminds me of the queen. Although there are some remains but I hardly see them. So now.... let me calm down and rethink. How I wanna deal with all that again.

Surely, there's no reason to hate myself at all. Not at all! 

Why am I recalling? And do I have to change my mind?

The haze just came back again all of a sudden yesterday... Wasn't I lucky to be away from work on my Friday? lol. I didn't really make any plans though, but I just wanna get my things done. I'm glad I did and also done some shopping. Although the smell of the smoke isn't that pleasant and with a dry throat I can't have my favourite food, but well shopping made my day. hehe.

Look at what I got from Daiso once again. I've been shopping there almost too frequently lol. And I can't resist anything with owls now. I even got myself an owl shirt this morning. xD

I also spotted a Kaleidoscope at Daiso I almost wanna buy that useless thing too! Well luckily I didn't since I opened it up to see it wasn't as amazing as I thought. The patterns didn't move nicely nor anything I feel that is as pretty. I wanted to grab it initially cos it reminds me of.....Ayu? [I wonder why, since I've already long put her away from my heart. lol] I remembered I once did a post about kaleidoscope of Ayu cos I love the song TO BE so much. Damn it was long in the past and I actually could recall it by seeing an item. Is Ayu actually still living in me? ╭( ๐_๐)╮ Tbh I really wanna put my past away, and that includes Ayu. There are some memories that I just don't wanna recall again though....

One of the awesome things is that I managed to get this essence eyeshadow too! I've been wanting to get it since 2 weeks ago. Of course I love how they named this series and the colours are my favourite ones too. Even the word 'Knit' was imprinted on the eyeshadows they are way too pretty!! ヽ(*´з｀*)ﾉ ♥ I can't resist it definitely and also grabbed the new lipbalm. I feel that I got sick of using the previous ones I put on everyday to work. I don't get why I got sick of lipbalms so soon.  I feel that they aren't that impressive to me after a while. Or maybe it's just my problem. I can still like a certain lipstick but lipbalm just doesn't last very long to me as a favourite. Maybe I'm just more fond of the colour rather than getting my lips protected?  I'm probably very strange in a sense too. haha.

Anyway, I have this aloe vera soothing gel in my closet for quite some time already but I haven't started using it only until this Monday. It was when my cousin was testing out at one of the Korean cosmetic shop with such a similar product that seems very good plus it was on sale that caught my attention. Then I recalled I actually had one of such gel at home but not sure if I should use it since I still have so many lotions to use and it's almost impossible to finish using them!! But then again, I shouldn't put it to waste since it had been with me for so long. Damn can I not believe it's really such a good one! ＼(・o・)/!

I'm not fond of gels or any product in gel forms but this one impressed me so much! It gives off a cool feeling and made my skin so moisturised!! My skin seemed way lot smoother now and I'm so gonna continue using this and forget the rest. lol. This actually can be used on other areas such as the face and hair. But I don't dare to try it on my face definitely. The downside to this is that it's in a tub instead of a squeeze bottle kind so I don't really like it as it made me feel it's a little unhygienic everytime I have to use my fingers to dip in.

Speaking of having different impressions on things that I dislike, the other one is mint. I really really hate the mint flavour since young cos to me it kinda stinks. So I don't take any mint candy and I hate toothpaste with that strong mint flavour. But this year, I have 2 encounters with mint and so I guess I might have to change my mind about it?

Last month when I had dinner with 2 of my friends it so happened that the mojito I ordered had so much mint leaves in it!!! I can't believe it since there isn't any of those leaves shown in their menu picture. Well there are only just 2 mojitos to choose from but I wasn't fond of the other mixed fruits one so I tried to bear with the lemon that I was drinking. But of course I took out all the mint leaves from my drink, yet the muddy earth taste from the mint still lingers in my mouth. Argh. It was unbearable but I did it. I'm not even sure why I made myself bear with it and drank the entire glass mug. My friend even offered to change hers with mine but I didn't accept it! I thought I should just take what I've ordered anyway but it didn't occur to me that I was forcing myself in a sense. lol. Maybe because it has that cooling sensation afterall and it wasn't that bad as it seems to me all along. But the muddy taste is still.....argh. But why? I've no idea why I still bear with it. As for now cos I had this dry throat I actually ate the mint candy given by my friend cos she told me it was effective. I really ate it cos I want my throat to recover and so I bear with the strong mint flavour once again. But hey, it was really effective and my throat is much better now. I'm so glad at least I won't be sick. But it's really something I didn't think I will do initially, or at all.  (＞_＜)


I guess probably it's time to change a bit? Although I've no idea what I'm trying to bear with. 

If it's good for me afterall, then I shall learn to take it then. =/

I'm over with Ayu.

[Continue from I wanna be free... ]

It's been 4 months since my last post on Ayu, and I really feel like I need to continue with saying about my feelings towards this queen to feel better.

Yeah, so recently and finally her new studio album was set to release this June, and the songs and pvs were released. But I couldn't wait that long to decide if I wanna continue as her fan. Anyway I didn't search to listen to them on purpose, since I don't keep up with her news anymore. Until when the pvs appeared on my feed and there I think I shall look at it and see how I feel. But really, NOTHING. I was reluctant to look at any updates of Ayu at first, but then at fb it was quite inescapable. Not that I'll give her a chance since I've already given up on her early this year. Well, I don't even need to ignore her or anything but I'm still a little curious if her latest song will make me feel any different if I were to listen to it. I've only watched the previews from her 2 pvs and man, this made me feel more affirmed that my decision to let her go is right! I don't want to dislike her actually, but whatever she does now made me even more and more upset and I just don't wanna see anything more of her anymore. I'm really sorry to say, but I feel the same sort of disappointment as always since....2010? Only that I haven't realise this earlier at that time. So right now, not a single bit of happiness experienced from listening her songs and can't helped but to dislike them. (¬_¬)

You see, I don't get why her pvs are repeating themselves, what's with the madwoman action again? Tearing things apart, ruining your own lipstick, so much like Don't look back and this confuses me with her intention in the first place in that 2010 lyrics. Yet we can see another of her pv with flashbacks of her past and she started crying. I really feel like saying, "Stop it! Stop doing the same concept over and over again. Either you are crying or you are becoming like a madwoman flipping your dress, running about and pouring yourself in water! Why??? This is not the Ayu I know of!! " I felt as though it was Ayu who couldn't move on. I thought when she tried on a different style in 2009 being electropop with NEXT LEVEL, she was about to embark a different route to her music style. I wasn't totally in for it and it took me sometime to like that album but I was still supportive of her anyway. But 7 years since that day she wasn't really changing into a better style but rather recycling her songs and reusing the same concepts. And her distinct style is long gone. I couldn't identify her nor relate to her anymore. She has became more distant and looked so much not like herself anymore. [Now I'm more convinced she went under the knife -_-] It's obvious she has lost herself and not know what she's doing. She's not even composing as CREA anymore. What has become of her? I don't get what she's writing and it feels so out of touch already. Whatever is she trying to do? I'm getting more confused than ever.

With that, and since I don't wanna get reminded of the past, my whole set of Ayu CD/DVD collection was thrown away. I did give away some to my fren for that at least I know of one who will cherish them better than I do now, and that I wanna get rid of the hassle of bringing the heavy load to a second-hand shop or whatever like selling online in which I have to keep up with the progress of anyone contacting me and arranging to meet me. I just wanna remove them all for once, and forget about them all. Yes, ONCE AND FOR ALL. It was thrown away right before me. I still had a chance to say farewell though. And there, I really DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS AT ALL. No sense of nostalgia, nor any can't-bear-to-see-it-go at all. I HAVE NO TEARS AND UNMOVED. I finally let them go.

I finally let go of Ayu.

I'm thankful for the past 12 years of fandom where she gave me the strength and inspiration back then during my early school days which was tough to go through. And giving me the thrill of going to every CD shop and hunt down for her CD/DVDs and feeling so satisfied being able to find that item I was looking for. They were so precious to me when I held it on my hands, the sense of happiness I felt in teens. How ironic when I love the item I treasured it so much it was so valuable to me, but when I came to dislike it, it feel like trash that I feel I couldn't benefit from it anymore and so I won't even wanna see it. Sad to say this though. (,_,)

I'm also thankful that I had the CD player that time where I can open up her CDs and listen to her songs over and over again, practising my singing of Japanese songs and admiring all the pictures in her lyric booklet. I'm thankful that she's the first Japanese artiste where I'm quite an expert back then in her songs and know all her discography where I can sing all her songs at the karaoke. Oh speaking of this, I went to sing karaoke earlier this month and I didn't even see Ayu's name appeared at the machine at all. It was weird. It's as though a sign that Ayu has left my life and I really wonder why I couldn't find her name at all when I even spotted Namie's. Not that I want to find it on purpose, but all the singers' names will appear on the screen and yet really there isn't Ayu's name at all I swear. Either it has gone from my eyes or this indeed is a sign. ＼(◎o◎)／！

To end this bit, I have utilised all the items as much as I could over the 12 years. Those are not wasted. That was how she lead me to this year, this day where I finally understood more about myself and knowing what I want. I have grown and moved on. Thank you for the past 12 years of pleasure and letting me being your fan. That's all that I can say. I'm sure of what I'm doing and I don't regret on giving up since this has made me feel way better. May you continue to do what you like, and so do I. Life will be better for me. I look forward to focus more on the important things in my life and all those I've been missing out. Many thanks for being my beginning.

さようなら、あゆ。

Songs that made me teared

Didn't mean to talk about something sad, but it was when I came across this Buck-tick song that made me feel so sad I teared naturally I thought I should have a post about this. There are many songs that made me feel sad but to let me tear or cry it's just not that easy. These few are the ones that went into my heart emotionally and I felt the pain. I have no idea why but it just happens. I just hope I won't be crying whenever I listen to them until that I'm afraid of them like I used to for Kagrra,.


● Ayu - HEAVEN

● Kagrra, - 終焉の季節 Shuuen no Kisetsu

● BUCK-TICK - Not Found

For HEAVEN and Shuuen no Kisetsu, they sure are songs about death. Not Found is a bit more complex. It's not obvious whether it's a death song but the moment I heard it it pierce into my heart for some reason. I would interpret this as a death song to me, as though someone has left and is not found as we would like.

Well, this is what I get for being this emotional. I do have written a death song sometime last year? Now I wonder if I'm afraid to release this myself. I hope, despite all the sadness that has given me the inspiration, I feel better after that and cherish all that I've got.

I wanna do things with all my heart as you know..

I wanna be free...

Hello World~ I've actually not blogged for 2 weeks! I didn't want to be like this... but I just can't type a thing at my blog. I'm also troubled as u know.  ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

You see, I felt empty this long... I know I've been saying that I need to focus on myself and taking a break from most things. But somehow, because I don't want to think, I ended up not wanting to do a thing. It's definitely not that good I know! I just want more time of my own and clear my mind while I stay away from most people where I can't feel that I'm part of them. But then I ended up lacking in motivation suddenly, and then I lack the inspiration to write my lyrics. It doesn't come out of my naturally like it used to. (T ^ T) I was so upset about this and so I don't have the mood for anything else. Then I ended up not doing anything again,...so it turned out to be an endless cycle! I wonder if the reason behind it is cos that I've no longer have any feelings/connections with Ayu anymore. From having no feelings to getting irritated with her recent activities, I think I'm mostly done with being her fan. Everything she does now doesn't make me feel related to her anymore. I can't feel her song nor her lyrics. She's became the queen that is so far from reach. She isn't the same person that made me like in the first place. From disappointment after disappointment, I've learnt not to expect anything from her anymore. But I still keep getting disappointed with what she does. I'd rather she take a break than me taking a break. Because my break from her couldn't last! I ended up having to make such a decision.. The news of her keep appearing everywhere made me irritated. Why do you have to keep acting sexy? The Ayu I know of and liked doesn't act that way all the time. Where is the Ayu who wrote profound lyrics that made me learned and love? NOT HERE ANYMORE!

You know, I've actually been defending her and telling myself to support her no matter what but this time I don't think I can last and lie to myself anymore. I couldn't take it. Since I actually felt uncomfortable I think probably I really have to let go. It's been bothering me for this long so why should I continue to make myself feel so troubled? Initially I thought her next studio album shall be the determining factor as to whether I'll continue to be her fan. But now since I already felt that uncomfortable should I even wait that long? Maybe I shouldn't be taking this too seriously, but I don't wanna be a fan for nothing. I seek that feeling, inspiration, motivation and love from my idols. I don't wanna follow blindly. I know she grows and so do I! And that's why I believe that it's probably time for me to let go.. And I did! I've actually dump away those new articles of her I've collected over the years and also all the posters. The only thing I haven't yet done is her albums that I've painstakingly collected for 12 years of my fandom?  I probably need not do this far but... I just can't help it. I've been struggling with this for so long. It took me a while to realise that I'm actually not so into her since Party Queen era. All along I'm actually forcing myself to keep up with her. Because I don't wanna waste the effort and years of collecting. But now I believe it's better for me to face the truth... I would say I'm about to give up being her fan for real. Maybe I'll be free and better this way. (,_,)

I don't wanna feel upset but to be true to myself. Since I really love rock a lot and I can't feel Ayu anymore through her pop songs, it's better for me to go after what I truly love. Moreover, we live to be happy isn't it? I should stop letting myself feeling troubled for things that don't work for me anymore.

Yeah, now that I've finally spoken my thoughts, I feel better now without keeping this within me anymore. I'm only thinking how am I to break such a news to everyone.  (._.)

Maybe I don't need to say so since no one there really cares about me. I'll just continue to live my life and do what I want.


Well anyway, I've updated my twitter profile and I'm glad to say that. haha.

And since Buck-Tick music has taken over my time mostly, it's time for me to start a new life with the lyric work that I'm proud of again.


May this will be the reason for me to get moving and start all over again...

10th lyric release - LOCKED

I haven't feel all that good this month either, especially just few days back when I discovered that the uploader for Buck-tick subs videos got taken down. Man, I was super upset since those vids were so great for me to watch their performance along with the lyrics where I can understand and feel for their songs. But it's all gone now. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ I wonder will the uploader be back again someday. I miss Buck-tick songs so much, although I should also punch myself for not listening often cos I've been watching anime during my free time instead of listening to their music. (x_x) And so, I haven't got much inspiration lately to write much. Think I haven't yet produce a lyric for this month. Let me just pause for a moment? And flipped back my old old lyrics and recall those feelings once more?

Actually I do hate my old works, I feel they weren't mature and deep enough. I don't even feel good to read back those again. I don't even know what was I writing for. (¬_¬) Well, those were the times alright. At least they were the steps that lead me to where I am now? Now that I can write better with a purpose. I supposed I should kinda appreciate those little things that I did even though I dislike them now. Shall use them as a comparison that I'm getting better at my writing now? I hope there's someone who will agree with me on this too. lol.

So yeah, let me release one [almost 5 years ago] in which I feel it won't let anyone feel all that uncomfortable upon reading it. haha. And why do I feel a little nostalgic now? (>_<)

[Inspired by Ayu microphone]

LOCKED
Imagine doing the wrong things all over again...

When will I be able to learn from this pain
without hurting you or me?

How can I get up and be firm
when change is the only constant thing?

*I will get back my stand
because you are moving forward
so fast that I would not want to be left behind
even if I'm left by myself
I won't give up because I still have myself

Imagine saying the same things over and over again...

When will I be able to say that I love something
instead of getting sick of it too soon?

How can I show to anyone else what I truly am
when I'm so used to hiding?

**I will have my stand here
and stay the way I am while moving forward
because you are so far ahead
with nothing left behind to regret

*I will carry on with what I'm getting
even if seeing everything has slowed me down
I won't give up because at least
I still have myself to move on
  
~~~~~
Should I be surprised? Most of my old works are boring and sad, but at the end of it, it seemed somewhat motivating and positive. I do feel they are quite plain and this is just one of those. It might not be deep but the message is clear. 

And that was the past me. 

~~Yuuka

Am I losing touch...?

It's been quite a while since I mentioned about Ayu..

In fact I'm a little scared that I'm losing touch now, since I've been so much into rock. And recent Ayu songs still can't get into me idk why.. I'm still stuck in COLOURS era. I just have no feels for A ONE despite listening to it a few times this month. I've no idea if it's my problem cos this made me feel guilty for ended up like that. And for sixxxxxx, I haven't yet listen to those in full yet cos I don't have the mood to. Can someone just tell me off?  (¬_¬)

Although I feel bad for doing so, I was also a little upset to know from a friend that her fandom for Ayu has died off...Well, she's not the only one, I've seen quite a few people moved on from Ayu. Well I can't be too upset or anything since I'm not in any way better than them, although I'm still supporting Ayu. I was wondering maybe at this period of time it should be a hiatus for me from pop songs? Not that I don't enjoy them now, I just need a break from some things sometimes? Cos if I forced myself it'll not turn out good. Of course I'm still an Ayu fan, but somehow I need to get my feels back. The time has to be right too I guess. 

Ayu news from last month:

Not good news of her again, saying that her tickets have to be given off at LINE app to fill up the seats. I wonder if this is true...

Then this was saying Ayu isn't in a good relationship with her hubby now, and so she's back now in Japan. I remember watching her interview and performance at NHK show where she cried... I couldn't understand actually. Was that so serious of abandoning everyone that led her to cry? I don't know what to make out of it. I'm just glad she's constantly making music and singing, but sometimes I hoped she'll also take a break so that she can clear her mind and probably get better after that. Even I'm worried of how her life goes... （・□・；）


That said, I've just watched vid of Ayu on anation 2015 Aug 22nd.. It seemed kinda tough for her to sing live now. Is it due to her left ear that's affecting her a lot now? I wonder is that the case. And for me.....I'm not that enjoying much. It's really strange. I'm really losing touch. This doesn't make me happy at all. (┯_┯)


I need to find myself back someday with Ayu in me....

My Ayu CD collection~

Like finally~~ I got hold of them in my hands!! (*^◯^*) ♡

Thank goodness for a friend willing to buy together online. It saved me lots of trouble, since I don't shop online and don't like to be bothered about waiting them to arrive them at my doorstep. (-｡-;

Okay, if it's another word for lazy. lol.

Awesome to be able to get 2 albums at once. (≧▽≦) Although dragging till a year later seems kinda bad. lol. Of course I'm still not forgetting my COLOURS since I didn't get it last year at HMV cos I just don't wanna get CD version only. Yeah for CD+DVD that's the standard one that I'll buy. Have to find time to watch them sometime soon. Have I mentioned that I have not even watch Namie's Ballada album DVD in which I bought it last year? Yeah that was so many months ago. I'm crazy. I had the time earlier on for the past 3 months why wasn't I able to watch a single bit at all? Lol!

Oh yeah, I might be a little dumb to be surprised at getting the A ONE mousepad which is already mentioned by my friend when she ordered them back then but anyway, I'm just super happy this comes with my purchase. Probably the first time I bought an album that comes with something so nice besides the usual poster-or-photobook kind. I definitely can't bear to use it. I'll just look at it from time to time whenever I open my drawer. Haha. ＼(*⌒0⌒)♪

What's more when I can get a Heart Nail book from another friend.. Aww~~ I've always thought it would be nice if I can get more Ayu photobook and there I got it.

I'm filled with so much happiness now. This is too good!! (*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)☆彡


News last month on Ayu's sexy back to gain back her popularity.

Although this news isn't that necessary imo. But at least for that nice picture, I would say it's forgivable. lol.



Hope I can do a review after I listened to this new album well enough!  

And maybe be inspired by pop songs and Ayu once again? I have no idea if I will but I'll try. 

Had the greatest holiday of fun with so many people it's gonna spark my interest again. 

Let me just continue to work hard. ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ

Maro used to lead a lavish life with Ayu

I'm annoyed.

Still annoyed that this is happening. ⋋_⋌

2 years ago I saw that picture and now it has to appear again. (-_-)

I mentioned about that jerk before when I saw in the news back then. → 1) Irritating Maro news 2) And so Ayu broke up with Maro... 


Anyway, the news this time is that Maro wants to be a politician. He wants to strengthen Japanese culture and let more children learn dancing.

Wait. He is confusing me. So he wants to be a politician and a singer? I don't think he can do both, AT ALL. (¬_¬)

During those days, Maro and Ayu are always together. They took the first class cabin, went to Hawaii, Paris, Los Angeles etc drinking high graded red wine.. The life they had everyday is really happy.

And because he has enjoyed that kind of lavish life with Ayu, it made him realized that money and status isn't everything. Hmm.. that's quite true. But aren't you afraid of being back to eating grass again? (¬_¬)


Now this man is promoting his new song. But I don't think his singing career has any good results till now.  [#Edit: One more news]

I just hate to see Ayu's name beside his in the news headline. Stop using Ayu to gain attention as a way to promote your song!!  Your voice is so horrible, so please don't go hurt anyone's ears anymore. Oh gosh, I made the mistake of doing so to my ears because I feel the need to know how bad is his singing. BIG MISTAKE.


And yes, there are probably more than enough grass for you to continue eating.

Please go ahead. Enjoy it.


I'm just so regretful I hurt my ears just to post this. Seemingly voice out my anger on behalf of Ayu and Ayu fans.


L.O.L. 

Let him be out of our life from now on!  (¯―¯)

Things that I got ~March '15

Finally I'm making myself clear the old pictures I have in my phone on the skincare products that I have some time ago. lol. This one was actually last year's! I got some samples from my friends, while the T & U strip and clear patch are the only ones that I bought. I realised I hate the smell of Witch hazel, it really stinks to me! Argh. The clear patch is really sticky but I'm not sure why it isn't working as well as the previous one I used. So these 2 products from this brand isn't something that I will repurchase then. Their makeup remover wipes is probably the only thing that is okay for me. (x_x)

The problem of having too much samples is that I'll ended up chucking them one side and not use them for a long time cos it's not nice to open the packet halfway and keep, since I probably can't finish all of it at one go. So they are still.....there. ╭( ๐_๐)╮

I drank this Gabu Gabu in March when I got this in Jan at a friend's house. Lol I dragged and tried it 2 months later. Oh well, in fact I don't feel like talking about it since I don't like it at all! It tasted far too sweet!! Not the ice cream soda that I've drank before [from other brands]. Probably it has too much ice cream taste idk, it just doesn't taste the way I thought it should have. So not something I would buy. >_< I know this sounds bad of me to say that since I got from a friend. But then, I guess I have different taste from most people. I'll just not let her know I don't like it. lol. 

A little new year gift I got from another friend. The chocolate is good of course, but the perfume... (-｡-; I don't like the smell of it. Lucky they are just samples. But I guess perfume is something really personal, so I won't buy perfume as a gift for someone? Oops I think I have bought for this friend before. I mean, I wouldn't want to receive it as a present. lol. Cos I'm just too picky and I have a sensitive nose. I want a perfume that definitely smells nice to me!! And my preference would be of flowery scent. (*^◯^*)✿

Anyway, just last week I got more masks just when I wanted more! I have yet to try the moisturizer though. The cucumber peel-off mask is pretty okay. I had fun peeling the layer from my skin. xD And cucumbers are my favourite! But recently I also bought a nose strip I forgot to take a pic with it here too. Oh gosh, I simply bought too much of those stuff intending to clear dirt from my face. lol.

I got this free Japanese mag from a company yesterday! With Kuu on cover! It would be better if it's Ayu cos it was Ayu's day on the 8th April. haha. But I didn't celebrate it though. It was just another ordinary day once again. My 12th anniversary for loving and supporting Ayu. I'm happy that I can made it this far. lol. I wasn't thinking how long can I be as a fan when I just started listening to Ayu. In fact I wasn't sure how things could go, that I went ahead and try to find all the CD stores and slowly collect as many Ayu CDs as I could. And also that I can be listening to other Jpop artistes when I didn't know any Japanese back then. Well, I'm glad how Ayu made me touch on the Japanese language and be so interested with everything Japanese. It all started with her. And so, I'm just truly grateful once again.

Yes, I want to say again that I'm proud to be an Ayu fan. I have gained so much throughout all the years. Definitely thankful to Ayu. （＾∇＾）♥


Anyway, next I hope it would be my purchases post!! I've wanted to do shopping since long ago, but haven't had the money to. But I hope I have got the time when I have the money. Why can't I have the best of both worlds? (-_-)


Well then, life is about being busy all the time. 

Another happy day again~ ^_^

Ayu's been in Singapore?

How many times Ayu has been coming to Singapore quietly for yoga mostly, and not letting us know at all? Lol.

Have seen Ayu appearing in local news lately. But I'm already lazy to type out what's mentioned here since the news online appears much faster and this feels like repeating. lol.

The best has got to be Ayu's collaboration with JJ Lin, the pv the Gift that was just out! I only like the song but not the pv though. Ayu's wedding pv with Mannie in Virgin road scores better for me. There isn't much interaction between Ayu and JJ, and there isn't chemistry between them either. It's a little pity for such a beautiful song but I guess that's how they are satisfied with it already. Well, at least they collaborate. My next hope on Ayu coming to Singapore often not just for her yoga but also for her own concert soon! haha.


Next, the wait for Warning pv! Hope it's much better for a rock song!! 

Headache please go away!

My headache is killing me since Wednesday! I wonder what's the cause of it. It really hurts so I thought I'll get better after I sleep. But no, it gets worse! (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) I don't get why the sudden headache and then nausea came. It was horrible and I couldn't eat much since I haven't got much appetite. My sleep is being disrupted in a sense. =(

Maybe it's migraine but why do I have it out of the blue? (x_x)

I don't wanna take any panadol since I heard it isn't something good. But my head hurts a lot! So much that I can't do anything. Thanks to recommendation by Heather, so happens that I have a bottle of lavender oil in my room. I'm using it for the first time! My room is filled with lavender smell. lol. It does help to reduce my headache! And I can't stop inhaling it!! If not my pain will keep coming too... (;´д｀)


Have done my collection page! I've been contemplating to do this long ago but I was feeling it's such a chore to open up all my stuffs and note down every single thing that I have. lol. But I think it's still best to be able to have a list and look at what I have and what's missing on my list, since I don't remember all of them? Especially for remix albums. But well, I'm not that fond of remixes it's just that recently, I really can't recall what Ayu stuff that I have. lol! Yeah, cos I simply have too many of them compared to other stuff. =p

I have this Piano sonata album of Ayu I bought years ago from a CD store from Suntec if I'm not wrong. It isn't any official album I just wonder why I bought it when I saw it at that time. Probably cos it's unique. But that's about all. There isn't anything else in the album either. No Ayu pictures to look at. It's a whole boring lot of songs that made you sleep. lol.

But I do remember, that I once posted this at AHS and there was a fan from overseas who PM me and told me that since he has came to sg and so he'll buy this album at the same time! On one hand, I had actually sparked an interest in someone to buy this which is good? But on the other hand, it isn't an official CD so I was wondering did I do a good thing by answering him so that he can buy it. (・・;)

Was he satisfied with this album at all? Is this CD still worth the buy? I have no idea. (｡-_-｡)

Nevertheless, I'm still owning it. Leaving this as it is and not listened for ages. Oh, I should open and listen to it so that I can sleep well again? Oh but I....  (>_<)


Now I'm thinking if I should attach a picture of all my collection. It's gonna be such a chore again. 

Ayu's LINE Live cast event on March 1st

Have watched Ayu's live recording of LINE LIVE CAST yesterday March 1st! (^ε^)

But I came to know of it slightly late, so I watched it at about 6.15pm here for about an hour. [All thanks to twitter!] Hehe. I could only get a bit of what they were talking about, since I'm still not good at listening to Japanese though. It would probably be interesting if I could understand their full conversation.  (,_,)  but overall, I think they were talking about JJ Lin [Ayu is praising about him] and some things happened during concert rehearsals with the dancers. (´ー`)

The best part is of course at the end where all the previews of the 6 new songs were aired, which is of better quality!

01. WARNING ♥
02. The GIFT ♥
03. NO FUTURE ♥
04. Out of Control
05. The Show Must Go On  → sounded too much like snowy kiss.
06. Story ♥

Based on my first impression, my favourites are WARNING, The GIFT, NO FUTURE and Story. I really hope there will be a pv for WARNING cos it's such an awesome rock song!!  Ayu, Please give us nice pleasant surprises just like U singing on stage with JJ Lin on Valentine's day and also a collaboration song with him! And yes, I'm so so so looking forward to a rock classy style album covers! Hope is like what I thought of. （＾∇＾）

Took a screenshot from my phone during the live cast. Ayu is so pretty despite this simple. I'm looking at her heart necklace and bracelet and itching to get something similar to hers. lol. But anyways, till now I didn't get any LINE plushies of Brown or Cony. Argh.. Kinda upset on one hand. (´-ω-`)


Excited for more new stuffs from Ayu!

Seeking inspiration from...

I have a period of somewhat a mental block earlier on January I couldn't think nor focus on doing what I want. It was quite a horrible feeling, that I can feel I'm useless suddenly. And so, I ended up talking to a few of friends about something else, how I feel and about maybe leaving everyone else.

Damn, that was the worst thought ever! 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

Well, I couldn't take back my words. But I guessed, it's also cos that after I've expressed it, I felt better moments later. And then I could think clearer when others told me of what they think. Yes, I shouldn't be in a rash no matter what, even when it comes to telling someone how I feel. But back then I didn't have a clear mind, I can't process my thoughts, so I ended up blabbering such stuffs that I never would have want to tell them again...


Anyway, things have been going good since. Probably cos I've got over those stupid thoughts and my friends made me feel better as always, or maybe from that day onwards idk. But I wouldn't wanna look back at that time. Although I made myself somewhat able to write 2 dark songs at the start of the year. But it was really a painful process I have been through. I wonder why it turned out to be like this. Is it because of someone who has caused me pain unknowingly? And that my inspiration couldn't come when I need it. It was hurting me deep inside I guess. (ó﹏ò｡)

My mood was certainly affected, and that's not a good thing cos I'm unable to do anything well cos of that. It's only that after listening to Kagrra, music I felt better. Much that I wished that certain things shouldn't happened to lead to this of me, somehow I think it made me grow. And be more conscious of myself. Don't keep thinking about doing things for others. I should think for myself too.

While I'm having complicated thoughts all over again.... (x_x)


Anyway, I've gotten back my inspiration to do the things that I like. Of course, lyrics wise I'm inspired by isshi now. But for fashion, beauty, life and everything else to learn from:

• Ayu → Been her fan since 2003. It's Ayu that I'm able to live through my teenage years.
• Michelle Phan → Following her for years when I just started into makeup. First video watched is from Mish, and have been continuing ever since 2010.
• Cheesie → The most hardworking blogger I've ever seen. Now that she's an amazing mum whom I look up to and aspire to be!
• Kumicky → My most favourite Popteen model I like since 2011. She also has a great personality and works hard all the time.
• Jenn Im → A great fashionista who is really eloquent. Just by looking at her makes me happy too.


I really feel revived after looking at them! I feel that I'm back once again! ♪～(´ε｀　)


And sometimes, I just have to feel good about myself. (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

No worries cos life just goes on no matter what.

New changes

It's a great day today~!! ^o^ Although I'm just at home and spent my whole morning busy texting and feeling anxious and trying to clean my room a little. Of course I wasn't feeling that lost like the past weeks. Just that I'm so afraid of not being able to pass my JLPT especially the listening section that made me worried so much!! I was trying to prepare to see the results in Feb but ended up knowing that it'll be released on the 29th Jan. lol. In the end seeing the word 合格 I was kinda worked up and teared to see such a great thing before my eyes!! (T_T)
I believe it was isshi-sama~~ He gave me the motivation and courage to take the exams in the first place. I wasn't even sure if I was able to do it, since it has been kinda tough to self-study for the past years. It was really amazing how I'm able to push myself forward with isshi-sama in mind...I can feel that he is giving me the strength to do what I want most.. and also to be brave. Well that said, my relationship wise it didn't turn out too bad or anything but it wasn't a very good outcome either. >_< But anyways, I have tried, and that is because I don't want any regrets anymore. So I tried without expecting anything although I should have known. lol. Well then, what done is done! And also, better to try and fail than not trying and not able to know the outcome?  That's what I came across too. =)

So to say, about new changes!! This time round this year, I have better aims! I've changed my blog name and twitter username at the start, and that is because I wanna make it more Japanese!! Yes, because I wanna make myself use more Japanese than last year! Kirameki●koi is the combination for Kagrra,'s album name and song name in which I love. I'll still let my tag Circusrocker remain since this blog was started with rock in mind. But one thing I find stupid is that I can't be able to search my entries with typing because of the name changes, and all the links I've put in my old entries are just....like 'gone'. Lol! Ahh~~ Whatever. My blog is still here anyway. Shall correct the links if I'm gonna look back at those old entries. hahaha.

Yes, and I also changed the banner! A picture of my top three favorites! But only Isshi and Ayu have the most impact and influence on me, Namie is just..... xD Oh yes, and I have bought this new lappy just few days ago which is so much better and easier for me to type!! Everything that comes with it is also way better than the old one which gets slower and slower each time I used it. And I was thinking it's just not worth it for repair. New com for a new start right?? I'm also into my new space and keep arranging and organising my stuffs until I feel right about them. I'm almost done!! Shall get new shelves too so that it's better than leaving everything on the floor.. Hoping to get all done before Chinese New Year! ^_^

Oh and one good thing! I've found back my stylus that I've been trying hard to search for some time! I was feeling empty without it for weeks!! I don't know why such a small single item can make me feel that way cos it wasn't that important a thing. Probably it has accompanied me for a long time, so when it's missing I felt empty? I'm so glad it appeared back to me while I was cleaning my room. I guess what's mine will come back to me after all? Because this isn't the first time that such a thing happened. I used to lost part of a key chain that a friend gave me which was really precious. I was feeling really heartache to lose it, when I'm someone who doesn't lose my stuffs easily. [although such things happened still.] And somehow it came back to me out of an unexpecting place. Lol. I was ever so thankful and glad and definitely keep it at a safe place than to use it since it was so precious. But this thing that happened really made me feel wow and this world is so full of hope! All is not lost!! Cos it won't be!! (⌒▽⌒)

So, I'm a positive person afterall? Many things taught me to be positive too!! (^_-)


Anyway, I haven't been doing much shopping for this month cos mainly due to my bad mood for the past weeks. Oh yeah, I keep mentioning how the past weeks of Jan didn't go on too good. lol. I somehow wondered how I've been through all those....sometimes it's probably just me thinking too much. Let's forget them all! =O
I bought ear cuffs which is my favorite of all time! The eyeshadow colours are really sweet and so I want to get it! And I'm really gonna run out of masks soon too! Lol~

Wait, I think I'm actually running out quite a bit of skincare products! I should focus on being pretty again and get more~~~!! xD


Oh great, these are some Japanese children strorybooks that my friend has lent me which looks good but I haven't been making myself read them all yet! Oops. Now I've got more reasons to finish up fast and return what I've owed!

Gonna buck up more alright!

More more reasons to be better, always~!  （＾∇＾）

[OD] Ayu news ~October to December 2014

Oops on my outdated Ayu news since October. lol.

#News was saying Ayu had some problems with her marriage with her hubby. Because she has to keep going to and fro from Japan to the US. It's not a nice news to hear so I shall not talk much about it. And I supposed this report is just so cos of the a-nation in Singapore. Lol.

#Ayu filmed Zutto pv at -10°C! Ayu said it was the first time she had to film in such a cold studio, it hurts! Wa~ Ayu u had done so much just for a pv!! I love it, the storyline is pretty good... only that I wonder if the one dancing in the pv is Ayu herself or not. Haha.

One thing I mind is that there's only one pv for a triple A-sided single! Ayu u need to film more pvs!! Hopefully the other 2 songs will have a pv in your next album? Hehe. There are so many songs
with the potential to have pvs! I hope u have more so that we can better understand ur songs too. And it's always better to see ur pvs appearing when we're singing in ktv. hahaha. =D


Talking about this new single, Ayu official Youtube release the full length single songs with the lyrics.. in instrumental versions!!







It's kinda cool.. It allows us to practice to her new songs even if we haven't  yet bought the single. lol. These 3 songs are really amazing... It's been long since we see such a nice winter ballad single from U Ayu~~! Ur lovely ballads have always been accompanying us from the end of the year to the start of the new year~~


ずっとずっとあゆさんは私のインスピレーションだ。もっと歌詞を書くつもりです。ｖ（＾＿＾ｖ）♪

明けましておめでとう～！Happy new year 2015 ~!

Much that I didn't really have whatever proper plans for the first day of the new year [I just wanna relax at home only], I'm glad I have the comfort of doing what I want~! Or maybe only at this time? lol. It was cool to be able to countdown, although among the crowds. And so I made my friend sacrifice her sleep for me. xD Bored it maybe, but at least I wasn't bored by myself. Haha.

And today, I spent my day watching Ayu's CDL to 2015. The circus theme was really a terrific and impressive performance!!



I'm pretty sure this is the first time I'm watching Ayu's CDL on a new year's day~!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆


Her spinning stunt in GAME in way amazing!! (ﾟOﾟ) It's cool Ayu sang her latest singles songs. I like the part where she sits on the moon singing Zutto. Although I like Last Minute the most, this live made me like Walk!! Walk is such a sad song that even Ayu sang until she cried. (T_T) Also, one thing special is that there is this guy singing to End roll. Quite surprised to see someone else singing to Ayu's song in her own live. lol. It was pretty good too! The encore was cool with so many songs, but XOXO and Lelio was shortened. I think it would be more fun if it's in full length.  (^o^)

We can sure see that Ayu has give in her all in this live. And recently after watching her Music Station Super Live performance I feel that she has matured a lot. Maybe cos she hasn't been attending to live shows for very long time already? I really got such a feeling!! This also made me feel I've actually grown up with her. We are all....getting old. Oops. (^_^;)


I'm really glad how Ayu made me cherish everything and everyone around me so much. 2014 isn't just isshi's year, Ayu came and give me hope as well.. My love for them will only deepen. And my life can only be better.

I will look ahead for better things to come.. Many more years of such power within me.


よし！やるぞ！♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪

Seeing Ayu is the best time of my life this year~

Yeah now that the 3 weeks have passed! It felt too soon it's over now. Lol. And since I was unable to use my com for so long, it made me feel kinda off. (^_^;)  I only missed and cherished the time where I could actually see Ayu before my eyes. The image of the concert still stays in my mind vividly. And I would never forget that I get to see another favourite celebrity of mine... Life is too good to me now. xD

It was certainly the best time of my life this year~! ♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪


In the morning of 18 Oct, I tweeted Ayu, just so wanting to let her know how we feel... I didn't expect a reply since she hasn't replied my tweet at all for years. Lol.. The whole day of waiting on Friday was in fact quite exhausting! We ran up and down to several places, since we heard Ayu could be here or there. Lol.. Just wanted to try our luck. But in the end, Ayu seemed to have press conference and then rehearsal for almost the entire day, and so she couldn't meet us at all. We managed to see some of her dances, even Timmy, Enrique and Yo-chan.. That was not too bad, since they took pictures with some fans too. But I wasn't that interested in fact. I more wanted to see Ayu who has the influence in me 11 years ago. Seeing her is surely my dream! =D

I was freaking thrilled to see Ayu's reply to me!! Which means she really would want to me us fans!! But at first I was really thinking it might be hard for Ayu to come out and meet us before the show, but anyways, getting a reply from her is definitely a great thing to happen! Oh well, just enjoy the concert and see what happens next right? Ayu did came and meet us after the show, and Timmy was nice enough to tell us to wait patiently and orderly. But it was really too crowded that night, and a little chaos since everyone wants to rush taking group photos with Ayu.. Ayu and Timmy is just too nice. =)

I was too short so I can't be seen in the group photos. A little pity perhaps, but I'm more into looking at Ayu in such a short distance before my eyes. So I'm really contented. And that I could made a bunch of new friends with the same interest as me, spending the days together, I was more than happy than ever~  (^｡^)

It was really the most wonderful time that I would never want to end.....and since I need not think about anything at all but to enjoy...

But happy moments ended way too fast. ╥﹏╥  Really can't bear to leave the place. Oh and I didn't take picture of the concert hall. Well, I guess is alright, it's all in my mind I would never forget!

The first concert where I paid for it, and to see my favourite artiste this up close is definitely unbelievable.. Sometimes when I think about it, it feels damn great. I'll became happy again.


The longest wait of my life, not just the Friday's wait, but the wait of 11 years, is definitely worth it! 

Happy birthday to Ayu~

U are forever our Queen ~ (*^◯^*)

The one who gave me the very first inspiration, the one who I could learn so much from, the one whom I wanted to be like the most, none other than Ayumi Hamasaki.


Thanks for the change to my life 11 years ago, Your songs gave me motivation to go through the hard times.

No matter what, I'll still be supporting you. You will forever be the top of my favourite artistes list. ( ˙︶˙ )♥

Almost can't believe, it's the month of October now. It'll be the best this year~! And that you'll come and we get to meet! Really really hope that you'll catch a glimpse of me. lol.

I'm truly excited for what's gonna come!!


And I hope you'll never forget us and enjoy your time here! (-^〇^-)


From your loyal fan,
Yuuka

Happy birthday to Namie-chan~! + Namie news

Yeah~! I had a great time lazing around today. lol. Well, I need the rest that I want and I'm glad that I got it! Slept for 10 hours today but I've got a headache after waking up. I wonder why! I thought I will feel refreshed too but I still feel a little tired. I guess sleep is really never enough! So long as I'm working right?? *sad fact*

So there goes my day today on Namie's birthday. But I'm really glad that I can get down to blog and watch vids as much as I like to today in such a relax mode. (⌒▽⌒) Sometimes I guess I really need such times for myself. And yeah, it's so on time that I bought my Namie Ballada album just yesterday!! Taiwan version though, and of cos going for the CD+DVD version. I'm just kinda upset that although I saw Ayu's COLOURS album but only CD version is available. It just isn't that fair that why no CD+DVD version for Ayu but there is for Namie?? I was intending to get the both of them yesterday together, but in the end I can only get one. (T ^ T) Alright, I can buy Ayu CD version only but I chose not to. I really want to see her pvs and as my collection! What am I to do now. >_<

Oh well, the one beside is BAP Japanese single I got from a friend. Not that I'm into it at all. lol. It'll just be in my shelf collecting dust. =p I'm really not into Kpop at all so that's not something I'll listen to for now. What am I to do with it now too..haha.

So when I flipped to the last page I saw this Voting results of Namie Amuro ballads! Yeah it's pretty cool they included this to show the fans the popularity of her songs. Love Story is my top favourite too! And yes I'm glad that I can have new songs to my phone to listen to everyday now. haha.

Recent Namie news:

Namie has been famous for 20 years and there's news of relationship between Namie and Vision Factory getting bad, supposedly in 2017 her contract will expire, but just last month Namie came to terminate the contract, and so there's negative news of her spreading around.

A little lazy to translate the articles as it can be found here: aramajapan news

It's not nice to see all this happening as I would still wanna see her sing of course. How can she be retiring at this age!! Ok, if she thinks that the money she has now is enough for the rest of her life, but still...this is too soon for me to take it!!

Well, whatever's gonna happen next, we'll see!! I still hope for the best! New album please! ＼(>o<)ノ