The different feeling...

Have missed out earlier in February to mention about Izumi's birthday on the 11th. Oh well, what else but to tweet to Nao about it? lol. I'm glad he tweets on those special dates and I believe he does keep track of them better than I do. Sometimes I only realised it's a special day only when it comes, or when I saw on my twitter timeline. Nooooo I didn't mean to forget! I got them written on my calendar! The only date that I've missed out is the disbandment day. Other than that, I'm not guilty of anything I swear! (x_x)

Okay~ although it's quite plain, but the colourful hearts win isn't it? xD

But yeah I haven't been listening to Kagrra as much as those days last year. Since I'm into Buck tick as my inspiration source. I don't know is it something that I have to be guilty of after all. I mean, we should explore others too and that doesn't mean that I've forgotten what I love most nor does it mean I don't care about Kagrra, anymore.

But recently, probably it's been a little too long that I haven't touch on Kagrra, until that I couldn't form any words I wanted to say on the 3rd March that day...

All I did was to retweet from Japanese fans and from Nao. I don't know what else to say. Yeah it's been 5 years since that day but I just can't say it out. Maybe because it's the day where disbanded so it's something sad for me that I don't wanna recall? I don't even know why myself.. I was feeling kind out of place too when I went to listen Haru Urara and some other Kagrra songs and then...

the feeling is really different!!

Maybe because of the different genre and mood that Buck tick gives and so when I'm back to Kagrra, the feeling is somewhat something I have to adjust back?  And then because of that, I feel sad again. Is this something I have to be guilty of after all? (ó﹏ò｡)

Well I hope no one blames me, although most of the time I'm the one who blames myself. It doesn't help too right? Unless I can change that.

I wanted to write those lyrics that I'm proud of again. But inspiration is evil. It comes and goes as fast as the wind. It's hard for me to catch it on time. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡


Well then, the only thing now is to make sure that Buck tick helps me as good as what Kagrra did. And to end this post happily,

I started off my March month in a really good mood.

Beer has helped me a lot too haha. 

I might be ready for more...

I will do my best!　力のかぎり頑張ろう！

I'm so pleased!

It's quite a small matter but I was beaming with joy when I saw my comment appeared first during this youtuber QnA at 2:43.

I was already happy enough that he replied my comment at youtube. It would really be great if he can teach more words rather than discussing about stuffs in his video. Well that's just my preference. I'm really happy for such little actions and that's why they deserve our support!

It totally made my day the moment I saw it. (*^◯^*) I have became his first student. Woo hoo~!!

And this means I have to comment more for them to notice too. hehe.

Well well if my opinions does matter. xD

Feeling good~

Yeah it's already March and recently I've been so itching to do shopping and buy lots of stuffs!! The only thing I haven't get is clothes! lol. I do get better this time with regards to my mood. I have been eating well and maybe a little too well cos I have been spending more on tasty than simple food. (>ω<) I began not to bother too much on how costly the thing is. I just want to spend so that I'll feel better. After all, I'm able to earn my own keep so I should pamper myself from time to time with the hard work I've putting in every weekdays isn't it? （＾∇＾）

Well anyways, I haven't been putting much thoughts about things. I'm still trying to see if inspiration will come to me at the right time soon. (・・;)

So yeah, these are my rewards! haha.

One obvious thing to note is that I probably have too many eye masks and I've only been using them only like once a week. (≧▽≦) I hope the rest of the products are good as well and I'll probably evaluate them some time later when I start using them hehe.

But I kinda think that the eyebrow powder may not be of use to me anymore? I have no idea, I just want to get it! And it contains 3 stencils which I think is quite good and useful.. Although I'm not sure if I will use it! Well you see, I was really itching to get my brows done since a long time ago.... until last week, I couldn't take it anymore!! And so to get things started, I thought of watching an eyebrow tutorial to get an idea on how to get my brows done [Since I wasn't sure where would be a nice place to go to so might as well I'll do them myself.]




I think the best would be Jenn's tutorial and it definitely helps a lot!! I went to get the necessary tools required as she mentioned.

And the moment I'm done I'm so satisfied that I can't stop looking at my brows xD. Few people around me have commented that my eyebrows are indeed neater now. Yeah~ what a great mini success for me lol. ヽ(・∀・)ノ But still, it's difficult to achieve equal identical brows for both. I think I've plucked quite a lot of hairs on the left but it still looked thicker than my right. I just can't get it in the right shape like my right. But well, as long as it looks neater and in a better shape than before I guess it's all that matters for me now. (・∪・) I shall take my time to explore more~


The other new thing that capture my heart is this new eyeshadow palette from essence! I feel so happy when I saw new stuffs appearing at the shelf the other day...

Look at that colors!! Omg I think it's gonna be the first time I can apply eyeshadow much better than before. I haven't been doing things like applying on the crease and making the gradient effect on the eyes. This is too good for me. lol. I would love to achieve a better look for myself now. I hope it turns out good! And so, I'll probably have to watch tutorials again. hahaha.

It's also the first time I'm using a better concealer now. The purple one is meant to cover dark circles and the green one is to cover up any redness on the face. It's actually pretty good and I happened to discover it!  I didn't notice of this brand australis at first. There isn't a lot of that brand's products on the shelf and I haven't found my ideal foundation and instead I found this good concealer. (≧▽≦) Oh well, it's always good to discover new things especially when they turn out to be good. hehe. I hope there's more for me to get!


Happy Sunday! (^o^)

Last day of Feb~!

February is about to come to an end! It's the additional day to this year. lol. There's the CNY break of 3 days for me but I felt it wasn't enough. I don't feel I've properly rested.. Maybe a week or so I'll feel rejuvenated.  (^_^;) But I haven't have plans yet for that long. Things have to keep coming in and yeah haven't got the time to properly sit down and think all over.  While I'm trying to get such done, let me do a little update today~

Well well, as much as I've said I might not cut those white hairs on my head but it's really been so annoying to see the 3 strands sticking up everyday and I can't help but to wonder if anyone have noticed and find it really funny. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ So I really can't take it anymore and cut those 3 strands away carefully. lol. They were actually about the same length? Argh. Can you believe that I've been a tweety bird for so long??? Now I finally felt better after not seeing those white hairs anymore. lol.

I'm only wishing that they won't grow back to that length. (ーー゛) If not, I'll keep looking like an old young person. Noooo I don't wanna look like a joker. Duh.

I haven't get to do much shopping! Recently there hasn't been any interesting and new things around. I got so bored! All I could do is getting necessities most of the time although yet I got that sticker from Daiso cos it just attracted me again. xD

This month my body has gone crazy!! I felt hungry most of the time and I just have to keep getting food. But my weight is still the same I guess. I don't feel any different other than a grumbling stomach all the time. (｡-_-｡) Last month I was having nausea most of the time but now, it's such a big contrast! Okay, maybe because due to CNY I have been eating a lot, my stomach could have expanded and so that is the case? lol.  Good thing is that I've been eating well although my sleep problem doesn't get resolved. It's still scary. There are still times where I couldn't sleep the whole night, whether I've used lavender oil or eat some food or listening to classical music. It just doesn't work when your body doesn't coorperate isn't it?  Other than that, this February month goes by like this being kinda empty.

Well then, there's always the next month! Let my March be a good one for me to come with more worthy posts.


I just miss someone reading here... I've always been yearning for u to be around.

I hope u get it.

I wanna be free...

Hello World~ I've actually not blogged for 2 weeks! I didn't want to be like this... but I just can't type a thing at my blog. I'm also troubled as u know.  ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

You see, I felt empty this long... I know I've been saying that I need to focus on myself and taking a break from most things. But somehow, because I don't want to think, I ended up not wanting to do a thing. It's definitely not that good I know! I just want more time of my own and clear my mind while I stay away from most people where I can't feel that I'm part of them. But then I ended up lacking in motivation suddenly, and then I lack the inspiration to write my lyrics. It doesn't come out of my naturally like it used to. (T ^ T) I was so upset about this and so I don't have the mood for anything else. Then I ended up not doing anything again,...so it turned out to be an endless cycle! I wonder if the reason behind it is cos that I've no longer have any feelings/connections with Ayu anymore. From having no feelings to getting irritated with her recent activities, I think I'm mostly done with being her fan. Everything she does now doesn't make me feel related to her anymore. I can't feel her song nor her lyrics. She's became the queen that is so far from reach. She isn't the same person that made me like in the first place. From disappointment after disappointment, I've learnt not to expect anything from her anymore. But I still keep getting disappointed with what she does. I'd rather she take a break than me taking a break. Because my break from her couldn't last! I ended up having to make such a decision.. The news of her keep appearing everywhere made me irritated. Why do you have to keep acting sexy? The Ayu I know of and liked doesn't act that way all the time. Where is the Ayu who wrote profound lyrics that made me learned and love? NOT HERE ANYMORE!

You know, I've actually been defending her and telling myself to support her no matter what but this time I don't think I can last and lie to myself anymore. I couldn't take it. Since I actually felt uncomfortable I think probably I really have to let go. It's been bothering me for this long so why should I continue to make myself feel so troubled? Initially I thought her next studio album shall be the determining factor as to whether I'll continue to be her fan. But now since I already felt that uncomfortable should I even wait that long? Maybe I shouldn't be taking this too seriously, but I don't wanna be a fan for nothing. I seek that feeling, inspiration, motivation and love from my idols. I don't wanna follow blindly. I know she grows and so do I! And that's why I believe that it's probably time for me to let go.. And I did! I've actually dump away those new articles of her I've collected over the years and also all the posters. The only thing I haven't yet done is her albums that I've painstakingly collected for 12 years of my fandom?  I probably need not do this far but... I just can't help it. I've been struggling with this for so long. It took me a while to realise that I'm actually not so into her since Party Queen era. All along I'm actually forcing myself to keep up with her. Because I don't wanna waste the effort and years of collecting. But now I believe it's better for me to face the truth... I would say I'm about to give up being her fan for real. Maybe I'll be free and better this way. (,_,)

I don't wanna feel upset but to be true to myself. Since I really love rock a lot and I can't feel Ayu anymore through her pop songs, it's better for me to go after what I truly love. Moreover, we live to be happy isn't it? I should stop letting myself feeling troubled for things that don't work for me anymore.

Yeah, now that I've finally spoken my thoughts, I feel better now without keeping this within me anymore. I'm only thinking how am I to break such a news to everyone.  (._.)

Maybe I don't need to say so since no one there really cares about me. I'll just continue to live my life and do what I want.


Well anyway, I've updated my twitter profile and I'm glad to say that. haha.

And since Buck-Tick music has taken over my time mostly, it's time for me to start a new life with the lyric work that I'm proud of again.


May this will be the reason for me to get moving and start all over again...

15th lyric release - Dulcet

I'm currently obsessed with Buck-tick songs and trying to get their songs into me so that I can write the kind of lyrics I want. It's been more than a month already and I still haven't yet got a full song written since. It's as though I have a mental block. lol. I hate how busyness and tiredness has eaten away my inspiration. But for now, I don't wanna leave my blog empty without a lyric post as what I usually do every month. So I shall post one from last year's work.  A positive song shall be a good start and reminder for me to go on. I hope I can find it back soon. (・∪・)

[Inspired by BUCK-TICK MISS TAKE～僕はミス・テイク～]

Dulcet 
My memories are going in a twirl
slowly melting away my desires

How can only beginnings be sweet
and leaving us in pain thereafter

If the presence of love destroys me,
let me be gone just as it is

*Look at the path ahead that we can't escape
I've became an Angel of my own
Worries shall flow to neverland
Nothing can slow me down

What have I left behind that I need to search for again?
Must changes be the reason to make us stronger?

If love turns out as a tragic,
I don't want to recall a thing

*Look at the path ahead that we can't escape
I've became an Angel of my own
Worries shall flow to neverland
Nothing can slow me down

*Look at the path ahead that we can't escape
I've became an Angel of my own
Freedom that once swept past me
I will not stop flying

~~~~~
Am I the only one who could encourage myself at this moment? 

I need the strength, but I don't wanna recall a thing for now...

~~Yuuka

Tea of Kagrra, memories♥

Yeah let me begin the new year with a Kagrra, post! It was Nao's birthday last Friday. I hope he has received my birthday message to him although I wished him late. (^_^;) My brain wasn't working well enough I can't think of the next Japanese sentence to type. lol. Just hope that the English words has attracted his attention. =D

Nao's too cute at making faces. I'm so happy he tweeted that too. hehe. (*^｡^*)  His birthday cake looks so good!! Come to think of it, I didn't have a birthday cake for myself last year. And it wasn't really being celebrated. lol. I don't know how's it gonna be like this year. Isn't it quite a sad thing that we don't celebrate it as much compared to those days as a kid? What does it mean to be an adult? Life is so tiring that we can't be bothered as much as before. (._.)


On to happy stuffs!! I managed to spot for my favourite Oi ocha last month! Argh it has actually been 2 years since I last drank it! It's really not easy to find it and I have to head down to those huge supermarts that are so far away from my home. I'm glad I have such a good surprise after having a dinner with a friend. It brings back those memories of Kagrra, I had with me the last time. I can't really remember the taste since it's been so long. But I'm so happy that I can give one to dear Sharon and she loved it too! And the same taste come to me once more! It indeed tasted good without that usual tea aftertaste although it's unsweetened. I can say this tea represents Kagrra so well as it brings out the relaxing feel after you drank it. lol. Moreover, isshi guessed it correctly during the game with this one. （*'∀'人）♥*+

I hope I can spot it again, since I can't be buying like a crate back home. （・□・；） I only have that one bottle and I can't bear to drink yet cos it's too precious. It's the tea of Kagrra, memories to me. I might be exaggerating too much but it's also the first time I'm experiencing a thing like that. lol. It's just awesome that I can find something quite close to me that is of Kagrra,-related. I hope someone understands this crazy fandom of mine. hahaha.


One great shot of the cards in Hisai tour DVD!! Not too happy to see Isshi's face got covered for his own card. I bet fans are better at selecting the right shots for cards and booklet. lol.

Next will be Izumi's birthday coming soon. I hope he's having a good time too. Will he be celebrating? Will Nao-ran be meeting him? Will he still be thinking of Kagrra,? I will wish him as usual, whether he receives it or not.


Let's just keep the Kagrra, spirit going no matter what...