The last unproductive month

How about a peek into what has happened?

Bought the pore minimizer or whatever it's called. Just because ZA is not selling it anymore and I'm really upset about it! Why don't U!! Although honestly I'm not sure if my pores and indeed smaller after using this product but I supposed it does help a little. EH was having a sale so I don't mind getting 2 bottles at one go. But it's gonna take me a real long time to finish using them though hahaha.

A surprise gift from a friend who came to my doorstep that day. It was a Saturday in which I wasn't in the mood nor able to hang out late (at the last min) so this came and brighten me up. Appreciate the thought!! Although it would be better if my friends aren't so sneaky. They always don't knock the door but quietly walk along the corridor and hang something on my door..... (-｡-;

Lastly, I painted my nails! It was purely out of good mood! I bought 2 colours at a drugstore which I didn't frequent but simply because they carry my favourite essence brand. That's all. It was kinda wasted since I won't be able to get points as a member of the other store which is not available around my area nor having essence with them again. What a sick truth. But I still can't let this stop me from pampering myself. A little trouble shouldn't bother me that much isn't it? It lasted for 3 days before it wore out without the top coat. So... definitely don't miss out putting on top coat cos it definitely helps to let the nail polish stay on longer. =/

I have nothing else to talk about May month anymore. It was a memory that kinda got slipped out of my brain very soon. If not for the photos.. >_<

Time to look forward for the better!

Happy Kagrra day for me..

In a blink of an eye, it's another Kagrra day to reminisce about once again.

To be honest, I have not been listening to Kagrra for a long time. For some reason, I have been losing motivation which led me to lose inspiration as well. And therefore, I wasn't in the mood for anything productive nor something that I'll like to do the most.

It's seems like it's the dullest period of my life now. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Well, at least this time of the year it's time to revive me back again. I might have said it countless times and wondering am I really back alive. I just can't see myself at the current state. My brain gets so messed up and turning into a blank piece of drawing board suddenly. What do I want the most? How can I get it? Can I just leave everything behind and fight for myself? OR simply, to find myself like what Michelle did? That's probably the best way that I can see things clearly and think clearer all over again. IF only things can be that easy to solve, and not seen as a form of selfishness. (┯_┯)


Well then, having said that much, I knew I wasn't satisfied with what I'm doing thus far. And every single thing I saw seems to be a challenge ahead. Was I ready for it? Should I even think of being ready? Or I shall just go for it? Are all the factors stopping me or am I stopping myself instead? I'm definitely not what some people thought of me to be. But I see no point in proving them anything. Why should I keep myself busy with others' thoughts which might be untrue?

Anyway, it's June which means we have reached almost half a year now. Time for reflection and everything else yeah? I feel that it's the right time of the year for me somehow to be able to take time to slow down a bit (maybe) and coming up with new plans and perhaps get motivated to fulfill them. What a hard time it has been. With work, it drains me down so much!! Now I have to do something different - which is journalling! A way to rediscover myself again. I have done a little last month and it wasn't enough. Although it's basically answering questions about myself. There's so much more to think about. And maybe I should also be happy for the fact that I created a new blog simply to post book reviews in order to make myself read more. But it was all dull since all I read are self-help books which talk nothing special but points that you should follow in order to achieve blah blah blah. There you go, this is actually what I'm interested in. LOL.

I will still blog here as usual, although kiramekikoi has started to turn into a personal blog because of my rants and the new weekly Cosmos posts. (ｰｰ;) Didn't mean to turn it that way, but I supposed that's how things developed for me over time. So it's probably the best that I've already have another one which focus on my interests rather than rants and stressful stuffs. I hope it'll turned out good but now it's still too early to know I guess. And who knows me over there? hahaaa. I shall have a good time writing things in a 'professional' manner and really use English the right way. But hey, how will I know if I have done it correctly? I always supposed that I did it right here already. (≧▽≦)


Alright, 2 more things to show here. Just sharing how happy am I to see comments and likes from the people I follow:

The power of philtrum!

And how happy I will be if Swoozie comes here. hehe.

That's how my Saturday goes. I'm happy again. =)

Take the chance to change for the better~

Here comes my once-in-a-blue-moon hair update! I splurge on my hair once again, since that became the only place where I can spend my money on without feeling guilty. Since this was my resolution, and I just have to get better to look pretty isn't it? lol.

First I have bought this hair oil months ago but I've just started using it this month. I wonder is it me who's having this new product fallacy. Every time I bought an use a new (hair) product I always feel it's better than the previous one that I've used. Okay, so what's nice about this one? It just made my hair more smoother than the previous one. OH really? (¬_¬)

How else can I describe hair oil then? Aren't they supposed to make my hair smooth and manageable? Okay, the previous one works just as well. But somehow I just feel it's just better at doing this job. It's actually meant for damage hair though, so maybe that's why it's just better than CC hair oil. I guess so. I'm satisfied with it for now. hahaha.

Because my hair looks messy with all the frizz, to be honest, no matter how much hair oil I apply to smoothen it, it look like it wants to fly. I have to comb it once every few hours (ideally) so it's actually hard to tame them down. I have a hard time with them but it's not like I hate my hair. It's much much better after I head to the salon for treatments. And my natural wavy hair just made my hair lively, just that it looks like it doesn't wanna stay like how it should.

SO! It was my hairstylist who can't tolerate my messy hair, and went to soften my hair by persuading me to let her do straightening this time. I haven't had straight hair in years and this brings back so memories though. I'm lucky that there's lotta discount for me so this was worth the price including the products I have to get. (^_-)-☆ And I have to emphasize that my hair now is indeed more manageable when it's super straight now, I don't have to comb so many times, it'll all just fall into place. Although I'm not used to it since it's been holy many years. And my fringe style totally changed. lol. Thanks stylist thanks. I have a sudden change in my image that I'm not even feeling I'm myself. Is this good? I feel like life is hinting at me that I should have some form of change.

2 more products added into my life and telling me to be more diligent to take good care of my hair. Oh the trouble of doing more things now lol. For beauty's sake, how can I slack! I better get myself to use up the scalp spray soon too. Oops. (≧▽≦)


Well then, let's see if a month later, will my hair still stay in place. And I think I've got the urge to change my hair again... =D

Cosmos #13 (Cont') | Unspoken thoughts

Let me continue about the past week. I received gifts from a friend days earlier before my day so it was a good one. And I even had a nice surprise on a Friday. I'm glad I have friends who cared, after all. But still, I haven't been able to meet one properly for a whole afternoon meal out and have lengthy chats. It feels like I'm missing out on life. On one hand, I wanna spend more time thinking about what I wanna do, and not waste too much time about socialising since, it didn't help me that much. When you're at this stage of your life, you're probably trying to figure things out badly, and your realised having a few friends is just good enough. The rest that you know of are just acquaintances waiting to see when you can be a laughing stock. The world is a harsh reality. Everyone around just wanna make comparison and see who's the winner. It's an endless game that is so unhealthy which makes you get so sick of life. What's so good about mixing around with people? Fake people? (¬_¬) I'm so tired enough of facing people. Really tire out.

I really hope to have a break or else at best live my simple life in a deserted island without having to worry much. Who cares about the money! Money is the devil! It made us so stressed up about living. I hate to make it a consideration in my life. It's so hard to get everything balanced. Everything needs money it's disgusting. I hate how we have to be bound by it. We are all struggling just to survive. I dislike living in this era. I almost dislike everything now. I hate how helpless I can get. Why are my strengths so limited? Why do I have to lead a life like that? Why do we always have to be bullied? Why do people go for what benefits them and scorn and look down on others so easily? I'm not there to see your face and keep accommodating to your nasty ways. It's so hard to do things when you don't have the position and authority. This world is sick! Humans are the source of problems. I wanna stop having angry thoughts of them which tensed me up so much. How I wished, if I can throw some eggs at some of them to vent. No but it can only appear in my thoughts. (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)


I'm so angry now that I might need to calm down. ⋋_⋌ Okay, let's just see what I've got.

As for these skincare and cosmetics stuffs, I bought them for myself though. Hehe. I was waiting to get something new for myself in a long time! But the drugstore I frequent isn't near me anymore so I have to go to another one in which I'm not a member of at all (wasted). I'm just sad that the essence cosmetics are getting lesser and harder to find. They are good and cheap brand in which I'll recommend. I love using their products and still sticking to it until now. I hope they can be here for a long time and continue doing more. I have been buying their limited editions and I still enjoy it. Made me feel so excited each time. If anyone knows me, you would have known that I'm really a fan of their cosmetics now. haha.

Yes, and time to really sit and think and do more brain exercises whatever about life.

Cosmos #13 | There are things that I wanna abandon

Good grief! Am I back alive to get this blog going?

At some point of time, I would like to stop and have a break. Or just give up altogether.

There are so many things that I wanna achieve, and yet my strengths are so limited.

I am so tired of hanging on and staying the same that I really need to push myself forward for more.

I wonder for the current direction that I am facing was right at all. But if I don't give it a shot, I will never know.

Can't believe, it's just been a while and my typing style has became quite differently. =/


On Thursday, I was kinda in the mood of getting some cosmetics for myself at a drugstore but I was stumbled by surprised where the shop I used to go got shut down and was replaced by something else instead. I was UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED. I knew for sure I shouldn't be heading down to a place intentionally just to get something. You won't know for sure if something 'bad' can happen, like the things you wanna get happened to be out-of-stock, or worse like this - the entire shop isn't around anymore. I thought it must be a mistake. I searched the web for the unit number and obviously it wasn't updated! *I'm so angry* because I walked around the entire floor to search for it. I should have trusted myself instead of wasting time because I went into the drugstore before it's not like I don't know where it is.

I ended up reaching home much later, feeling lost as to what I'm doing. I didn't expect it and I had enough of anything bad because I'm starting to hate my job and the people I face. Everyday it's slowly killing me inside.

Never have I thought this day is coming to me so soon. I'm really exhausted. T_T


When will I be allowed to truly have a break? WHEN?


To lessen my disappointment that day, I went to the Japanese snack store to grab some candies and instant latte. For whatever use. -_-

Have I got any happier?

As you could have guessed, I didn't even touch those 2 yet. I wasn't that enthusiastic anymore.

I need someone to listen to me and let me lead a life of my own.

But what can happen this soon? =(

Cosmos #12 | Time to treat myself right!

So... I know I'm starting not to be blogging as regular as before. Well, things happen and priorities changes each time. While I do miss blogging here, there are times where I feel I have mentioned too much personal things here and I just want a break from it. I have an urge to try other things out and be more motivated than sticking to just here lol. Well for sure, I won't totally abandon this place but just that.... I won't be appearing here that often, maybe. =/

Let's just see what happens for the past weeks. I was irritated with work, again and again. Problems can only come up one after another. And then, this week I was worrying over a customer's request and felt a little guilty that I'm afraid I made the mistake trying to accede to his request. >_< I swear I will not repeat it again and be more careful alright. Other than that?  Co-workers complaining over all sorts of things again and again.

Who can ever feel that there's any morale anymore? -_-

Anyway, unhappy things aside. Just look at what's been making me happy. haha.

^Lovely gifts received from my dearie who went to Japan for holiday! (☆∀☆)

^Got the free Kumamon bag from mosburger for eating their limited edition burger. Oh, but I wasn't the one eating it. lol.

^Time to use the perfume and body lotion/wash after keeping them for so long! I bought the other brand of water gel and it just works as well in keeping my skin moisturised. Just that, it didn't have the feeling as good as Hada lobo though. Now I wonder which one still I stick to using.

Now I have a crazy amount of masks to use! Those are of which I received as gifts again and so I didn't need to buy for long time. hahaa. I really need to use as much as I can since I don't have much space to store them altogether.

Was shopping at Daiso yesterday and there isn't much that I can buy though. But at least I'm glad they have come up with new stocks of Wa styled hair accessories so I bought one scrunchy! I love the hairband I got too! The hairbands that I've bought throughout my life just keeps spoiling for whatsoever reasons! (=ﾟДﾟ=) I hope this one last a bit longer. lol. And there, I feel having the urge to buy more hair accessories and treat my hair much better. I need to make myself look prettier right? There are some I just can't bear to throw away yet. Well I guess I need time to go through them again and once I got better ones I shall just clear time.

Time to treat myself right!!

Cosmos #11 | Mind blank

I had a day off yesterday but it wasn't that well spent since I had no idea what to do other than going to the salon. I went for shopping around the area since I had to travel that far just for the salon trip, so might as well I should just walk around and see what I can get. But alas, there isn't any interesting things around nor on sale. What vexed me is that the small backpacks that I spotted on have to be in black!! All of them! It's annoying that they don't sell in other colours and the clothes around are so appalling. Not a good shopping time. There you go, wasted an hour and a half of walking for nothing. lol.

So this week, what's up with me? I was stunned for a moment when my co-worker pointed out that I seemed to be getting really moody. And she suspected that it might be due to work. I was taken aback for the sudden comment to come when there's only both of us in the room. Damn, did I reveal myself too easily? Am I really that obvious and unable to hide my thoughts? I shook her off saying I have no idea whatsoever. But her response seems like she might not believe. But, WHATEVER. I don't care what she thinks. She has too much to complain and be poky about anyway. I had enough of that. What's even making me down is that manager has to complain to me about them. They complain about each other at me. Why do I have to be the one to absorb the negative energy? I had enough too. But can I complain about them? Noooo!! Why should I turn myself to be like them? Yeah but I really need a place to vent out my frustration and dissatisfaction too since it's been making me feel a lot worse and  as time goes, it made me dislike my job even more.(T ^ T)

Yeah, there shouldn't be any problem with me. The problem is not with me but the people who worked too long to abuse their authority. I hate that I have to blamed for something while the seniors won't be. Well there could be unfairness everywhere isn't it? But the fact that this constant bearing is gonna take a toll on me. (┯_┯)

Maybe it was for the fact that I have to go through such nonsense for the past working days that made my mind blank. I have no idea what I can do about it. I just don't feel like appearing for work anymore. I felt so dreaded to work that I've been late for the whole of this week. I wonder did anyone noticed. I was unmotivated. And unhappy too. There's another thing which brings my concern is that even my hairstylist told me that I looked really pale yesterday and thought that I might be too stressed from work. Damn I got a shock when I hear this from her! It must be obvious how bad I looked like that made her think that way right? I didn't know it reflected so much on my face. Although I just got recovered but shouldn't I be looking better? Since my throat was much much better now.  (・・;) I was also tired yesterday even though I did nothing else before I went out. Well... one thing for sure is that, I'M REALLY UNHAPPY.

Did talking about this right now helps at all? I can't leave because I need the money to support the family. It's tough since I have to bear it all because of obligations. So it makes me really unhappy that I cannot do something I like at all but to always do a job for the sake of the money. I'm really tired out. If this is carrying on any further I think I will be ruined. Why do I have to be the one? Who cares about me? Somehow this world is just shit.

I know there's too much negativity here. But I still need my place to at least cry my heart out. Whether or not I feel better. Whether or not things get better. At least I did something today.

And know what, I had the worst buffet ever in my whole life today. The only decent food that I can eat is salad. So not worth to be there at a buffet restaurant. But seriously the food sucks like hell. Nothing is working for me now.


So let me cry at the end of this tonight. Just before I go to bed.

~( ´•︵•` )~