What to do with the bag...?

This is the news I see about the queen on Friday's newspaper in the morning. Sure I wasn't surprised it's something bad about her once more. (・_・)

Oh yeah so she's reporting sick and therefore she has to cancel the Nagoya concert? How many times have we heard of it? I feel so sorry for the fans. Why so just because the seats couldn't get filled up and have to be cancelled cos of that? I'm also sorry to say, since I got so disappointed by the queen time after time that I can no longer trust what she says. Yeah, as much as I don't wanna talk about her anymore, that's a fact anyway. I don't wanna be talking bad about her either since I used to be her fan. But nowadays seeing her manner kinda disgust me that I really wanna shut away from her news. I don't even know what's her latest song I wouldn't wanna hear anymore too. She's too different from what I know. I don't even wanna say her name but calling her as 'the queen' instead. But I'm not even sure can she hold up to this name. She isn't doing as good as before. I don't mean in terms of popularity but as a person as well, with her life. I can't look up to her anyway so why am I giving her such a good name? Maybe for now cos I can't think of anything else.  (¬_¬)

Anyway, the reason why I'm mentioning the queen is because I have this hot pink sling bag that's with me for a year already! And I haven't even use it once! The tag remains there nicely. I just can't find a time to use it somehow. I know I can but I wasn't in the mood anyway. That was because it was last year when I get it I was still kinda 'supporting' the queen, and I remembered coming across a picture of her in black dress and carrying such a hot pink sling bag. I was trying to have a cosplay plan of her for the next year. Who knows when this year came I wasn't into her anymore and so the plan failed. I wanted to post a picture of that queen carrying the bag but I couldn't find it anymore. Google doesn't help much. It was in my phone earlier on but I guess it was deleted some time this year so I couldn't find it too. Well since fate ends what I can say? This just means it. I might have to part this bag goodbye or just use it without thinking so much. But I might hate it. I might hate myself. What a struggle.

I will get over it somehow but for the moment, let me just leave it aside still. And better plan for what's important. I've gotten rid of most things that reminds me of the queen. Although there are some remains but I hardly see them. So now.... let me calm down and rethink. How I wanna deal with all that again.

Surely, there's no reason to hate myself at all. Not at all! 

Pampering myself

Damn it took me real long enough to do a blog post when the connection has gone so bad, on and off since last week. I wonder if it's my computer problem cos it works really fine on my mobile. It's just ruining my patience cos it seems it'll take me the entire afternoon to type. (-_-) Of course I shall post one I feel is important for now. I've got a new headphones for myself! I didn't have one all along but I probably have a few earphones in fact, but earphones are making me feel disgusted as I have to place them in my ear and that just makes me uncomfortable too. Oh wait, I was feeling uncomfortable using my headphones at first and then I realised that's cos I was having my glasses on so the back of my ears hurt. lol!! But now I'm used to it already so I'm really much more satisfied with this. And it blocks out all the noise so I can enjoy music to the max! (☆∀☆)

Look, isn't it pretty? It's classy to me and I'm glad I can grab the purple one. There is even a mic for you to use so that you can talk on the phone. But not that I need though.  ♪(^ε^)-☆!

Let's come to some of the things that I've bought! Now I'm still into BB/CC creams. I'm only left with one in which I've been using for months and it makes me feeling insecure to depend on one. lol. So I've been looking out for good ones and I thought I'll try the ZA CC cream this time. I used to have the CC cream-to-powder stick which is pretty cool but it just runs out fast. This CC cream somehow feels a little oily so not that I'll like it. Effect wise is kinda ordinary. Usable of course and it didn't feel that bad. As long as it doesn't break me out it's considered good I guess.

As for the new SANA BB cream I haven't started using yet I hope it works well and of better texture for my skin too! I guess maybe afterall I'm still more impressed with Japanese cosmetics. haha.

Now on to something serious. I'm really splurging on my hair! On my scalp to be specific. My hair condition is pretty bad because of my scalp anyway. It has always been oily and that's something that has been bothering me for a long time. And no matter how I tried to wash and style it just doesn't end up nicely as what the stylist did! I'm so angry at myself on one point. But anyway, the stylist that did treatment to my scalp and hair yesterday was saying my hair is considered a lot but just that because they are thin that's why they seem less, and light. Okay, I'm pretty relieved to hear that. lol. But still, it's not that good after all. I can't do any heat styling or dyeing my hair for now, although she didn't say that. I know I should focus on my scalp at this point. I need them to be healthy!! (>_<)

What I like about that salon is that she'll show me how my scalp looks like using a device and I can see how bad they are, Oh gosh, really so much dead skin and those oil surrounding the hair. Some parts are kinda red which means it's kinda sensitive. It's pretty disgusting.  （・□・；）But after the treatment, they really looked much better and cleaner I was so impressed! Hehe and of course, with that awesome head massage I haven't had for a long time I enjoyed that session totally. What's more their service is the best that I've ever came across. I didn't think I would actually do that since it's been hard for me to find a good salon to stick to. All of the services are kinda bad and they don't seem to really take the time to look properly at my hair and tell me what's good or bad. Every different person said a different thing and I'm tired of hearing it. Especially when usually they go against my wishes. They just wanna do the opposite as what I've said! And who is right?  It's probably all just their own opinion on what they wanna style/cut for their customer that day. That's the conclusion I can come up with. (｡-_-｡)

Anyway bought the scalp spray from the salon and I have to be diligent and apply that product everyday for months and see if my scalp condition improves. Yes I'm gonna do it!! I don't need to care about the money for now since my hair problem has always been something that I wanna resolve. Plus I wanna pamper myself in a way from work. This is surely the best way! And also, not to forget that this was my resolution to take better care of my hair this year!! I'm gonna achieve it! (^_-)☆


I just hope it'll turn out to be better than using the tonic previously when I started in January. And now that November is coming, this year is almost coming to an end. Time to start planning new stuffs again and be motivated once more. There's so much to think all over again!

Things should always get better and better.

#25 lyric: Nowhere

Somehow I can't wait to post this lyric although November hasn't yet come. I wanna release this latest work of mine cos I feel like it! I mean it's a reflect of my current state feelings so I wanna get it out all to feel better. Man this was fast! I didn't expect this either. I'm definitely back to square one now and not hoping for more. I'm currently just enjoying my time with friends whom are true so I wanna cherish them well. I'm no longer in the condition to think of anything else. I just want my life to be in good order. And also to be ready for the next year and start thinking of new plans if possible. I need to get myself back all good. (o・・o)/

With that, the song I was inspired by is a 'death' song that I deemed it to be some time ago. Cos since I've teared and cried quite a bit too for that week.... (´；Д；｀)

[Inspired by BUCK-TICK NOT FOUND]

Nowhere (いない)
Filthy ashes fluttering as my tears fall
I died along with your disinclination
Trapped in a hazy maze,
I didn't know where to walk from here

The heart of mine that has went missing
Searching for you whom
were never once here at all

*Disappearance, spoke louder than my fears that won't fly away

Your lies that has left me the only one counting
questioning my presence as though it was a joke to begin with
Will I have the courage to face it again?

The dream of mine that has went missing
Searching for you whom
were never once here at all

*Disappearance, spoke louder than my fears that won't fly away

*Disappearance, break me apart more than how I can scream away

*Captivating, was how my life has ended even if I'm laying beside you

*Captivating, was how my pain has turned into scars I can never erased

*Disappearance, even when you dig deeper and found none... 
~~~~~
This person is probably dead in me.

When time would tell everything...

and me having to stop being foolish on my part. 

~~Yuuka

My day at musical box museum

This happened 2 weeks back but somehow I'm almost forgetting the details of it. lol.

I had a really enjoyable time out that day with my dear friend cos this was an unexpected find. We weren't intending to go for this cos initially I even thought the temple was being converted into a cafe and museum out of nowhere? Glad that the person-in-charge saw us and introduced the tour to us and told us quite a lot of stories. All that ancient music is pleasing to my ears. It's absolutely cool to be seeing antiques of centuries old before my eyes in such good condition. Although there are a few that cannot be played anymore. But looking and listening at each of them do made me appreciate musical boxes more. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

When their works got better and they can make a list of 8 songs in one musical box. It's how the cylinder moves a bit to the right [if I'm not wrong] and ta-da! the next song is playing. But of course, just that you can't choose which song you want. It can only be played in the order listed.

All the different cylinders with the spikes....How did people back then have such a talent to create them!! （＞０＜）／

Some looks like a grandfather clock to me.

And lastly, they also have the gramophone that can even do recording! That's how HMV came about. [Sadly, the music cd store is no longer here anymore.]

Realised I couldn't write much for the other pictures since I couldn't remember what the each of them are. lol. Let me just include my videos here for memories sake. Hehe.










I know I could have filmed more videos or even at every single one that was played but it's kinda tiring. Besides I wanna appreciate the thing itself by focusing on it when I was there. Well, they're all awesome anyway. I hope they'll still remain there for as long as they could. I heard it was just opened at the start of this year. I wonder could they be able to sustain since they're not some profit organisation. I like that they also sell musical boxes but that's more like a gift I would get for someone rather than myself. So....I hope I have a chance to go back there again and maybe buy one? I already have muscial boxes with me since I was a kid. Not that I play them often though. haha. But I do hope until now there will be more people who appreciate such relaxing music as well.

I love my Saturdays~!

Anime: New Game!

New Game! ニューゲーム [12 episodes] → I completed this comedy anime last week! It's probably the first time I'm watching an all-girls anime? I remember I had to pause watching this for a while in July cos I couldn't find the latest episodes when they were just out. Guess that for some it takes time for all to be back. lol. I love how funny this anime is pertaining to the office work life. It made me feel like being part of their production team too, since we'll be able to play the games to test out before they get released. But having to see them rushing for the deadlines and staying back in the office till the late night is really not my kind after all. So I could just dream a bit I guess. haha.

Anyway, playing the game should be more enjoying that creating them with all the hard work, although upon looking at their satisfied faces after the release of the game it made me feel accomplished for them too. But now some part of me is getting so fed up with my current kind of job whereby I have to stare at the computer screen all day. It's hurting my eyes and I got a feeling my eyesight has worsen.  I really feel like being away from all these light into my eyes again. I wanna be outdoors breathing fresh air and look at nice sceneries from afar. It's horrible that I can't see clearly at all without my spectacles. I feel I'm already like a half blind person incapable of looking at things right. I'd rather be looking at papers than at the screen, but I have to look at them both at work.  (,_,) My eyes are for looking into details and spotting for mistakes. This is tiring me out and I'll probably only be able to have a 10min break in the afternoon for myself to stop looking at the screen. But how does that help? Recently all I think about is when 6pm will come so that I can end work and leave the desk. It's probably not that nice after all but it's been a year and there are many more to come. What other jobs can I be doing that doesn't require me to look at the screen anymore? And is also something that I'm able to do. (x_x)

Alright, I'm getting a little off-topic. Back to the anime and this is my favourite character Hifumi. [By the name this totally reminds me of my favourite Kagrra, song too.]

The main character Aoba with her staff card. We can see her excitement since it's her first job. (・∪・)

There they also mapped out the team members and whoever is in charge of which. It's really interesting to know.

Wow at least I know something now from this that the legal age for drinking in Japan is 20. But this doesn't bother me though. haha.

I've screenshot this because of the green tea bottle on the shelf that has the similarity to the Kagrra, green tea that I've been drinking. Wow. IS this a sign that's telling me to be back to Kagrra? ^_^;

I have to say I like the ending and it's done really well. Kou is the one who inspired Aoba and whom she idolises to become just like her. The things Aoba said is so touching. I like this scene the most and it really makes you inspired in some sense. All their work is tough yet amazing. I applaud them from afar since I can never do that. lol. 

Another great anime that will also make your day without the guys!! Hahaha. 

It has to end..

Just why did I start my October feeling so down and all...

It's quite hard to go through this week I think. Facing that difficult person at work and then suddenly I felt so left out. Last week is probably okay but I was already feeling moody since then. Now it got a little worse. But I've probably got everything figured out I supposed? Maybe the more I'm afraid the more it gets back at me? I don't know! I just don't want history to repeat itself again. I'm so tired of facing all those. To be ignored and left there, as if I was the one who staged everything. I feel so hateful of my actions and all these can't make me believe in anything anymore. Words are probably lies, attention is only for the weak? No, I'm not gonna hate myself. I will live my life in a better way that it should have. 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

My happiness from yesterday~~ I went to a musical box museum and it was amazing!! An unexpected find that turned out so good. So I'm gonna have another post about it some other time then. As for now, I got myself a new planner for next year which I've been troubling for some time! I actually found one that is to my liking in monthly view of the right size. I hope this helps me out better! haha. And I got the LINE notebook as a little gift from my friend who has won it! Cony is my favorite character and this made me so much happier! [Thank U so much!!] Oh, and lastly I got the shark brother comic book just cos it looked funny. I didn't know such a thing was around until I saw it at the bookstore. I know I had to get something like that to lift up my mood in this current situation. (≧ω≦)

This was what I got last week. A phone stand that I really need it before my hands get all the cramps again. This was the only type that I can find so not like I have much choices. Well green because the pink was too hot for me to take it. I feel like I already have to much pink red tones stuffs at home I should probably get something else that not hurt my eyes lol. Rest assure I'll not be sad or fret over for that color. I'm gonna get over with it.

Besides, what's better than looking at my Atsushi from here? B-T's music has became an important thing that made me survive now. Their songs that made me feel the hurt and how I've been going through the pain. Last year was probably worse than now but that said it made me wrote something that I was so proud of. It could remind of the pain once again but nevertheless since it's over and now that I've grown out of those pains, I feel it's gonna be something that tells me this is how strong I can go. Don't fret over something that isn't worth the tears. Although my tears do flow easily when I thought of the past. But I guess what's gone is gone and it just isn't worth to think about anymore. Like how I've already decided on some things. I know somehow I have the answer within myself but it's also hard to face. But now.... let's just not be bothered about it anymore. (,_,)


Yeah, suddenly I feel so sorry for myself and towards everyone. I should have worked harder and done better. I should not have unhappy thoughts. Maybe some parts of me is missing and I need to find them back. But for sure, I'm not showing those tears to anyone. I need to be strong. There's no point crying. 

That said, I don't wanna go over the same thing again. I really hope not. 

I will blog more when I have the mood back. I'm not gonna let myself down anymore. و(¯―¯٥)

#24 lyric: A Lover's whisper

As I'm writing this post now [17 Sept], it's actually on a very nice lazy Saturday of mine where I just got my lyric for October done! Well, I've been scheduling my posts as usual and somehow I just can't wait to get my lyrics posted this time since I'm all set to get my October lyric done as soon as I can. So 2 Saturdays later and this lyrics will get to see the world. How marvelous. lol.

It's a wonder actually, this 90s song just suddenly appeared in my head all day, as if to hint to me that I have to get one done similar to this as much as how this reflects my current feeling. Yeah, this is probably a little secret of mine that I'm letting the world to see through my lyrics. Well how impressed I am with myself now lol.

[Inspired by BUCK-TICK Bran-new lover]

A Lover's whisper
The wind carries everything away even my desires
How beautiful it is, to lose it all and start over again
I didn't even want to break free

Sure the storm ahead reminds me of loneliness
but silence pains me as I sat worn and abandoned
I no longer miss a thing

*At the end let's be ready for our goodbyes
The only thing I want now is to hold you close

While I'm trying hard to lessen my guilt,
you would happen to be right beside me
Could we be lovers in disguise?

Sure I would love to turn every bitter and sweet
moments into a love story
but could this be my wishful thinking?

*Before the ending comes, I might not be ready for goodbyes
The only thing I hope is to vanish before being found

*At the end I might forget all that I've lost
and be left with a broken heart until we could meet...
~~~~~
It is that....I just want to be with you.

but could this be my wishful thinking?

I don't want the goodbyes as you know....not at all.

~~Yuuka