My purchases ~Oct 2015

Look what has my fear got me into!! Getting more eye masks! lol. (ﾉ ○ Д ○)ﾉ　

I think I have 7 boxes of eye masks in total now. And every time I walked into the drugstore, I feel like getting more! There's some of other types I haven't yet tried and I'm itching to get them too. Now is the end of the month so there's a danger of me spending more since my pay will be in soon. Damn, I'm trying hard to stop myself but I think I've been spending more and more lately. lol. (・_・)

Well Xmas is coming soon too, and I've to start preparing presents. Argh... oh I should also get for myself at the same time, since I've been working hard. What a good excuse too. hahaha. (≧▽≦)


I got that Hello Kitty face powder for myself cos it looks cute, plus it's limited edition. In fact I'm not sure when will I use it. I have some products that I haven't start using, and there are those that I've stopped using for a long time and it's been around for years. Omg. I don't know how to deal with them. But if I don't get anything for myself to use, I'll feel empty. Argh.. Just why am I a girl? Why do I get tempted this much? Why do I need all these stuffs too??  Σ(ﾟﾛﾟ;)


Can't helped it. Shopping probably gives a better mood besides food. lol.

And so, more useless things bought. (x_x)

I'm referring to the stickers only. haha. Those 和風 Japanese style just have to appear before me, how can I resist!! I know I've bought 2 of those months ago, but these are of different designs and it made me think of Kagrra too much. Maybe I'll use them, but maybe not. Hey, at least I didn't get tons of stuffs like I used to everytime I went to Daiso.. I'm there more for necessities now.  Can I consider those coasters as a necessity too? hahaha.

The only thing that probably useful now is that hole puncher I have to use for all my notes from school. (¬_¬)


Okay, on one hand this purchase post gets a little boring. Maybe I should really buy more stuffs instead. （＞０＜）

Ah...Why am I contradicting myself so much. Lol. What else do I need? xD

My impossible ambition

This probably sounds absurd but I have different dreams of what I wanna be at different stage of my life. And now, probably due to watching too much anime, I certainly wanna be a 死神 Shinigami.

I know I'm probably getting dark on this topic.. why am I mentioning death so often?? Is it not a good thing right? But I just can't help it sometimes. Since my love Isshi's gone... I have whole lot of stupid stuffs in my mind. (┯_┯) 

Anyway my top favourite movie is Deathnote and my favourite old-time anime is Bleach. I can still remember how I amazed I was with that anime when I first watched it. And I even introduce it to my friend who watched it at a faster pace than me...but I eventually gave up on it since the story gets draggy and there're far too many episodes to catch up on. I realised I don't have the patience to watch animes that runs over a hundred episodes I feel that they're trying to kill me instead. lol.

By the way, having been watching quite a bit of anime this year, I realised that I got affected really easily by the plot.. I can get so depressed for days or weeks when the scene is so sad. I don't know what's got into me how can I let my emotions rule over me so much?! I think I really need to learn how to control over this. I wonder should I attempt to really stop anime for a while so that I'll not get all too sad. Morever I have to get prepared for the exams I've better to get my emotions at check. lol.

Well having said that much, all I wished for the most is that when it's time for me to go to the other world, I was already ready and get to see isshi and have endless chats with him, and time doesn't end in that world at all..

It has to happen right? 

even if it's in my dreams...

My Shizuku album~~!

Oh man, I finally got this one in my hands after so long. Probably for a year or so since I needa save up for it. This Kagrra, album has got to be the most expensive one that I've ever bought [CD+DVD version]. lol.

But I never regret it. It's one of the best things that I feel so touched and blessed to have it in my hands. Kagrra, has never gone in my heart. I feel them being closer and closer to me the more stuffs I have of them. I've never thought I can make it this far when I first started getting into them. It's definitely something that I'm thankful for so much that I can't imagine how my life's gonna be like without Kagrra, without knowing the people [who all became my friends] because of Kagrra,.

I really love u all and especially my buddy, Shua. Thanks for all the random chats we have like everyday.. (*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)♡

and thanks to my Sharon for selling me this album.   (^ε^)-☆!


Shizuku is the album that has accompanied me through the bad times in 2008. Although some part of me don't wanna be reminded of it by listening to the songs, but it was how I actually got over it and constantly tell myself to hang on. I can recall how I even fell asleep with Kagrra,'s music on everyday while going back home. lol. And with Isshi's voice that comforts me so much with the beautiful music... I love almost every single song in this album! How can I not listen to this again! Now I feel that it's those beautiful memories of my time listening to Kagrra and being their fan that made me happy all over again. That was when Kagrra was still active and Isshi's still alive. That was also when I tried to catch up on them and listening to their Core album at that same year. Those were the times where I feel so good that I'm truly enjoying music although being a silent fan where probably no one knows I have such a favourite. And those were the times, when I'm still so immature. (,_,)


But it's all okay now..I've grown with Kagrra, in me. I not living with those regrets that I used to have. I'm able to do the things I like, I can push myself to do what I needa do. I'm definitely a fortunate person to have discover Kagrra, and having them in my life.

I hope this is the same for all Gurakkos out there!! Please don't have anymore regrets in your life too, and remember what isshi has said to us. I will always remember what I have posted before to remind myself this is my thoughts and I'll get better each time. Never never forget isshi's voice ever.. +.*☆( ˘ω˘ )☆*.+


I will accomplish the things I wanna do, one by one in my list..

Please watch me, isshi-sama.

11th lyric release - tearful clown

I was feeling down some time ago,..well my feelings are just up and down all along. But of course, the good thing is that I can write lyrics out when I'm feeling that unhappy. Or to say that I write so as to feel better, although I still feel what I feel from my work. lol. This is quite a dark song cos I've been suppressing my feelings for some time, since I feel that I couldn't do much. I don't know if cos there's something's missing out in my life or that I just felt helpless or I'm too sad from everything that I began to look down on myself in some way. I wished I can know the answer..But anyway, let my lyric says it.

tearful clown
A soft whisper from the heart
Words which I hear over and over again
are they supposed to hypnotize me?

Killed by the applause
Drowned by loneliness
I'm always pretending to be fine

*The clown who has been taking in all the laughter
is feigning happiness
The insignificant me,
soaking in despair
is only powerless
The one who cries isn't a weakling,
but the one who understands too much

Ringing voices continue to overtake me
Who is there to dance at this time
when I'm the only one with red shoes

Clouds in disturbance
Love that brought madness
Can I leave when there is nothing left to cry

*The clown who has been taking in all the laughter
is feigning happiness
The insignificant me,
soaking in despair
is only powerless
The one who wouldn't stop crying isn't a weakling,
but the one with the wound that doesn't heal

~~~~~
I supposed this happens to be the right time to mention about this scary thing called clowns since Halloween falls on this month, although I don't celebrate it at all. lol.

Well I'm just that clown anyway. 

~~Yuuka 

Under eye wrinkles!

I'M SO AFRAID NOW! (ﾟOﾟ)

I didn't mean to, but I can't helped but to keep staring at the fine lines that appear in momopiyo's eyes while she's doing that cosplay makeup tutorial that scared me so much. (ó﹏ò｡) It made me getting more worried about myself, cos I noticed that I'm also having those lines at the start of this year.

I've once mentioned about using eye cream to reduce the problems that I'm facing like dark circles, eye bags and fine lines. Damn I haven't been using it diligently until I watched this Youtuber's vid that scared me. 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。 Thanks for the wake-up call. lol. Although it's gonna take a super long time for those fine lines to go away I hope my eye cream works. And yeah, look what I got for myself too. 2 more boxes of eye masks. lol.

It's as though I'm really paranoid over this little thing. (σ;*Д*)


Oh yes, I'm currently in love with this essence lipstick that I've got cos it's quite creamy and has a nice scent and colour! Wow I can't believe I've found one I like so much! I wonder why when I previously bought the other essence lipstick I did not notice this pinkish one. Maybe cos my eyes are really bad. Lol. I'm glad that I can find this ideal lipstick cos it so happened that I need to attend an event 2 weeks back. Well, I didn't wanna do a thick makeup and thought a lipstick and eyeshadow will just do. It feels good when you managed to find the right product at the right time for it! haha.


Besides using those products to help myself, I certainly hope I can relax more a bit so that I won't have that much problems I needa deal with. First and foremost,  I really don't wish to see those wrinkles anymore. I can be old at heart, but I don't want my precious eyes to give that old look to anyone. lol.

Maybe I do have to put sleep as my priority now. Hmph! 

Time to slow down a bit...

I have been experiencing sleepless nights for the past months and those instances are just a toll on me.

I really wanna do something about it to change the situation, but no matter what I do it doesn't help. And the people around me and just making things worse for me. I wonder if there's anyone who will spare a thought for me or worry for me at all.

But the fact is, probably none. I just have to keep going. I only have myself.  Who else is there to make sure that I'm living all well and good? Well, maybe really no one.

Maybe I've been thinking too much, everyone probably have their own lives to worry about, needless to say about caring for others. Who would bother to contact everyone on their list as much as I do?


I'm really tired.. I've been pushing myself way too hard. What was I doing? In the end it spells that I just want some attention.. I want to be concerned by everyone.

I hate how things turn out but nothing has been bad or what.. Just that it didn't turn out the way I want it to be. Well I should have known, right? But that's just me, I guess I'm scared I'm losing control.

I've probably pushed myself way too hard than I thought. Probably I'm just not that strong as I thought. And so, one of the thing is that I've decided to stop my weekly posts and post when I feel like it. Do those things when I feel like it but also with an aim to complete them as soon as I can. I can't believe I'm actually more exhausted than I was last year, when in fact I had faced more problems back then than now. It's also probably all in my mind, that I'm always worrying about everything and that no one would care anymore. But so what if it really happens right? Life just goes on and I have to move on too...


But if the reality has to be so cruel I'd rather I've not lived at all. 

Yet sometimes it's not a choice for me I choose..

If only someone could tell me how important I am....

Anime: Sakamichi no Apollon 坂道のアポロン

Sakamichi no Apollon 坂道のアポロン [12 episodes] → A nice simple anime that I've just completed which gives me laughter and tears. I'm really very satisfied with this jazz anime and this has already made me love jazz more, especially the featured song Moanin'. This anime dates back into the 60s mainly about friendship between the 2 guys Kaoru and Sentaro. There are quite a few instances where they have mistaken about each other, but in the end they still get along anyway, although they didn't mention to each other. That's kinda the part where I don't like about, where people just don't tell those around them about their intentions and how they feel. But then again, not everyone is good at expressing themselves and also worried that things might turn out worse, so they rather not talk about it, until they found out the truth somehow in some way. Okay~ since this anime has quite a good ending I can ignore this for while. lol.

Well, at least this anime has given me a good time although with so much tears. I don't know why I got so affected over such little scenes. I just totally can feel for Kaoru. Maybe cos there's just quite a lot of teary scenes, from those 2 guys especially. Man, I don't think I have seen any anime of guys crying that much, over love, over the life of your friend who has been going through a lot.

I think this is the scene where I feel really upset about, that Kaoru wants to let the girl he loves to be with his best friend Sentaro.. How can you be able to do that!! I can feel your pain, man. I'm crying for you too. But of course, the good thing later is that Ritsuko likes him too, although I'm not sure if they ended up as a couple after the three of them reunited 8 years later. Well at least it was a happy scene and it seemed good enough for me. I don't think there's a need for a second season or an additional episode. I already happy that all of them are doing good. =)

The best part I like about is that they can play music in union. Oh what's the right word? >_< That they can be in the same wavelength? That they have good rapport? haha. Before this it was a sad thing cos Kaoru is also afraid of losing his best friend and felt betrayed when Sentaro went to help their classmates' band and be their temporary drummer without telling Kaoru the reason, only until when Kaoru discovered his intentions behind it and that's when he decided to salvage the situation of their classmates' performance by playing their own music instead with just the both of them instead.

It's really cool that they can play along to what the other person is playing. It's awesome that music has no boundaries isn't it? The fact that they can get along so well through music, and the performance they did in a school festival as a last resort to distract everyone is indeed very awesome. And how they ran down the slope after that feeling so carefree... It's the best kind of friendship I've ever seen. This anime is just so simple and free!! lol.


And so now I'd probably be pumping up some jazz music cos I'm currently in love with it now. （*'∀'人）♥*+

My purchases ~September 2015

Just managed to do some shopping towards the end of the month!! I guess this began to be some sort of routine since my pay will come at the end of the month and that's when I have the mood to buy things for myself and my friends. haha.  But anyway I don't think I got much fun thing this time. haha. (-｡-;)

I bought another pack of eye masks cos everytime I used it I really feel relaxed! I would ended up with a good nap in the weekend afternoon. But it doesn't work when I'm struggling to fall asleep. So I think it helps me to sleep when I can fall asleep. It's probably my body's problem. If I can't get to sleep, nothing else I do will help actually. lol.

I'm certainly got attracted to essence products cos I ended up buying more and more of theirs, especially this limited brit-tea series. I just can't take my eyes off them. They're too pretty!! Look at the blush with those roses print!! haha. I know I will get it but guess what, I can't bear to use it myself, so I'm gonna give it away as gift. The things that I kept for myself are the concealer, nail polish and lipstick. The stick concealer doesn't give a high coverage although it's quite convenient to use. And it can get quite messy at first when the concealer liquid doesn't come out in a nice way. (^_^);  I don't know how good is the nail polish cos I use nail polish about twice a year. I can probably conclude this when I use it at the end of this year. lol. I don't usually use green [or have I not used it at all?] and I think it'll be a nice new thing for me to try out!! Hope it looks good on me since I have been so pinkish. haha. (^ε^)

I like how the 'e' print is on the lipstick, and it's pretty nice on my lips too. Just that there's some lipstick scent which is not that fragrant at all although it's not all bad either. I'm not sure if it's as long lasting as it claimed since I didn't wear it on the whole day. I hope this can be my new favourite or else I might be looking for some other nice lipsticks again. haha. I don't know why but suddenly I feel a thing for lip products now. Maybe cos everyday at work sometimes if I feel sick I'll look pale, and it's very obvious just by looking at my lips. I don't wanna look like a zombie sick person!! Although I always feel like I'm in a zombie mode lol. It's kinda hard to look good and productive like all the time. (´-ω-`)
And indeed, when I have lipstick on, I feel and look good about myself, like I do have colour on me, in my life. My mood is lifted up just by a little touch of colour. How amazing is this. I have never thought a lipstick can be so significant and that I care about such a little thing. I never thought that I need it since I was young. I never understood why there are people who are so obsessed with lipsticks! But maybe that's also cos when you got older, you can't be on the pink of health as much as you were as a kid, so....there are many things that you need in your life when you came to adult age. That's kinda how I feel. I don't wanna think that way but that's the fact before me. Sobs. 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。~


Anyway, talking about colours, I have these colour pens with me for years! Those on the right I actually have them for 14 years!! It's amazing how these pens are still working well. I got them when I was a kid but I can't bear to use them cos they're so pretty and glittering. But now I think it would be a waste not to use them after so long. haha. (´ー`) Colour pens are so useful for writing letters, cards and for me now I'm using them more often for my diary book. The 2 juice pens at the bottom are the ones I bought them last year. They're equally good for writing! But in fact I bought them on that day when I just don't wanna go shopping without getting anything back home, just cos I don't wanna feel left out with 2 friends who bought things for themselves. (,_,) What a day to recall about this now. Argh, but I didn't regret getting those cos they're my favourite colours afterall. =)

I'm upset that the pink and purple pens in the slider box aren't working anymore. They don't seem to last well. I got that probably 3 or 4 years back? Argh that means I have to use the rest when I can before they don't work for me again. lol.

So I have this little pen collection with me for years and probably it's time for me to consider getting a total new set for myself? I do get envious when I see a few of my friends having such cute and pretty colour pen collections better than I do. I wonder why do I even care about that at all. I can jolly well buy them too, but since I have these already I find it no point to get a new set just so that I'll feel better with all the pretty colours before me, and feeling a little heartache later. Gosh I wished I could stop feeling the way I do now. ~( ´•︵•` )~

What am I envious about? Or is it that I didn't pamper myself well enough? 

Should I sit back someday and rethink about everything once again? Hmm..