Anyway I've turned to lyric writing and have stopped writing diary cos I've already got used to writing unhappy stuffs into my diary and I find it pointless to have a diary anymore. Might as well I'd write something more meaningful and deeply and it made me think more so I'm making good use of my brain. Lol.
Actually I've started way back in 2009 when I was kinda bored back then and since I was so into Ayu, I got inspired by her to do some writing. (^-^) But of course, those that I've wrote are mostly pop songs though there's a few dark ones inspired by the Gazette. Can't believe so, but I guess there's so much in me that made me wanna write sad/dark songs. Time really flies cos within those 2 years plus of writing I've actually wrote over 70 songs but frankly speaking, I'm not proud of all of them. Lol. I don't even think this amount was a lot either. (,_,)
In fact, I've wrote a lot more than that, but I've always find them not good enough and so I keep throwing some works away. I don't know is that a pity at all. I've even wrote super short ones like just a paragraph for interludes and such are being included in this number of songs. And there's also some in which when I look at it now I feel like throwing them away. (>o<;) I just keep feeling something is lacking in each of them and somehow I felt that it was the immature me who wrote those kind of stuffs I don't want to see it nor be reminded of those times. Lol silly me. Aren't I wasting all my effort if I were to throw those away just cos I dislike now? At least, those reflect how I am like back then, and they're proof of the contrast between me, then and now, since diaries are all gone. Lol. Yeah, so I thought just let them be, maybe such pop-ish songs there'll be people who will like it and the lyrics are easier to translate anyway. And since is cos of Ayu-inspired, so shall let it just be that way even though I feel little irritated by myself... (￣^￣)
Ah come to think of it, those days, I've never told anyone that I've been doing such a thing. I didn't have the confidence all along to tell anyone that I can write well or even to show it. I don't know how others will find it, who will bother to read anyway? Maybe they'll feel that they're reading rubbish paragraphs and sentences that doesn't make sense. Maybe no one will like it at all.... ╥﹏╥
And so I thought I'll just leave the whole stack there, in pieces of papers not even written properly in a book. (¬_¬) And gradually I lack the enthusiasm to continue and it became a break from writing. So my brain has somewhat stopped working. >_<
That's really bad, cos at that period of time I do felt empty but yet I didn't think of writing at all. Now to realise this, writing is really my escape. The way I should do to make me feel better~! (⌒▽⌒)
Therefore I'm so glad somehow beginning of this year, well it must be cos of Isshi-sama whom gave me the strength or something, I decided to get back to writing and began to write like his style. I feel kinda proud of it and began to open this up to my friend [though just one so far] and let her see my works. She thinks that my recent works are hard to understand and translate, and that she likes my past works cos they're more direct and pop-ish. Lol. So I'd guess somehow lucky that I didn't throw my 'unsatisfied' past works away. At least there's someone who likes it! =D
But omg I'm more proud of my recent works better than the past~! I'd rather be reading at something deep that makes me think about what the writer is trying to express. And so I'll like to do that myself. Okay, too much Isshi-influence. xD But somehow isn't this consider as a more mature way of writing? ┐('～`；)┌ Rather than using simple words...
I'm really amazed at isshi's works I wonder what is his brain made of. (>o<) He could write so much about other stuffs like spirits, gods, demons rather those typical love songs he's truly someone very poetic and deep. His lyrics can be quite hard to understand and it's very hard for me to write something of his standard. =O But okay it's still my ultimate aim to be as good as him in Japanese in order to write something so deep. No sooner or later I think I'll be a Kanji freak like him too. Hahaha.
→ *Anyway, those that I've written are meant to be in Japanese but my Japanese is not of the standard yet I can't write directly in Japanese so I'm writing in English mostly, and so my intention is to get them all translated to Japanese. I've to depend on this friend of mine for the moment. And yeah, I've got 3 more to go till I reached my 100th mark!! ^_^ Since I've been writing for so long already [though I've taken a break before for 1 year plus] and been writing this much, I guess I will be releasing one song after I've reached my 100th mark. And I'll also be including the Japanese text~!! So there's like a lot of work to be done. Lol.
I need to get into the mood of writing these few days to reach the mark but somehow it's really something that can't be forced especially for lyrics. (x_x) I wanna write a happy song like Haru Urara so please Isshi-sama give me the inspiration once more~!!
While I'm still deciding on which song to get translated to Japanese. ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆
And I wanna write a letter to Isshi-sama too!
Ar~~~ sounds like a big personal project. Lol. And I hope most importantly, it'll reach to Isshi somehow, in some way...
at least I did something.
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