The Best of me♡

This is gonna be a long personal post of myself. I did a mini test at my real FB to see what Wikipedia would say about me. [although I replace my face with Namie's lol]

I'm glad this result shows how beautiful I truly am as a person.  So my smile is sooo beautiful indeed. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

And upon reading this, I was so satisfied with the result cos it was so true! I don't over-dressed and focus a lot with how I look on the outside, although sometimes I can be lazy in dressing up. But I believe simple and presentable on an everyday basis should be enough. And I do dressed up nicely on special days. lol.

Well I believe it's the inside of me that is more important as a person, such as being caring, loving, etc... and I do place an importance in building friendships but indeed there's a number of them that left me disappointed with what they actually are. I'm really doubting how these people define friends as...is that the way how they treat their friends really?

On to talking about this group of people whom I've left, none of them came to talk to me anymore. For whatever reason that they think that maybe I wanna be left alone or anything, it's really disappointing that we were once close enough to go out together, chatted so much and had so much fun but there is no word of concern at all. Couldn't you even say a hello? Why from the start I'm always the one who have to be initiative? Why must it always be me? Friendships go both ways isn't it? It's been too one-sided of me all along and the end result of it is that I'm the one getting hurt. Just why do I have to come across people who are so superficial and even considered them as friends. I even hate myself for that and giving them the attention they wanted. You see, there's one who asked me to doll up myself prettier and do cosplay like her so that I can attract more guys. Another one even asked me to get push-up bras cos guys like it.

WHAT? Why do I have to do all this on purpose? Just so as to attract guys who like me based on the outside and not my true self? No way!! I don't wanna attract the wrong kind of people for goodness sake. And being the best of myself doesn't mean I have to focus with how I look externally, or how others see me as. I simply can't agree with what they suggested to me when I first heard it. But of course, out of politeness, I didn't say much but just "Oh really?"(-_-) Of course I don't see that I should totally neglect or ignore my appearance but appearance shouldn't be something that defines who I am. Why should I try so hard to impress for the wrong reasons? I can feel good by looking good but I can look good by feeling good too!! Isn't a woman's smile more beautiful than her makeup/external appearance? It's more genuine and attractive than someone who is faking out on the outside. And even though I wanted to do cosplay since I was 18 because it was something special to do, [but I didn't back then cos I didn't have the money for everything] but I have given up this thought some time ago already. Firstly 2D characters themselves look good as they are, but when being shown in real life in 3D as what we see from cosplayers, I can't helped but to see them as fake. It really feels a lot weird to see a real being in bright yellow hair? And some outrageous outfit that doesn't fit? Just why should we try so hard to be somebody else that we are not! It can be fun to do for once, but not consistently. It made me feel people who does so is because they have insecurities that they don't wanna show who they really are. They rather be 'somebody else'. [I have a friend who does cosplay because she feels in anime the world is perfect unlike this real world, so cosplaying is her escape to reality, sadly.] But I am the original me!! Why should I go for something that I won't feel truly happy to be. Why should I mask myself as somebody sexy or whatever that I am not?

I have felt ashamed enough of myself having to give them the attention that they wanted, that they must be feeling so highly of themselves now. Well it's the truth cos in the chat they'll all always talk about themselves and vying for attention like all the time. I actually got sick of seeing it although it's fun to see them cracking jokes but I don't think it's healthy in any way. Everyone has been together too much on the surface and nothing deepens. I'm pretty sure this group has been used by everyone of them for their own purpose, like to promote their products etc... It's not the first time I've seen them doing so to their advantage. It really saddens me to see this. But I should have guessed that isn't it? (,_,) They're a bunch of pathetic people whom have that kind of attitude, otherwise this group would have been existed long ago without needing me to start in the first place. I should have known, isn't it? (T_T)

And with reference to this book that I'm reading...

Friendships based on shared activities and historical ties are wonderful to have, but unless they are 'deepened', they are not enough.

I agree with this a lot. Otherwise, what's the point of being together when they can't be the ones you can turn to if you are facing any problems? They'll probably shun away from you or give the wrong kind of advice! 

There's so much about this book that made me understood more and able to truly appreciate the real me of being who I am. I don't think I'm doing a book review now but this self-help book is indeed worth mentioning about building relationships and connecting with people. One of which the author gives the great question of "What makes me feel great of myself? What doesn't?" as a measure of self-worth. This is really amazing. Only you can create the experience of self-worth for yourself. This is something that I'm gonna work on, and not let others define and lead me to what I am not.

Some of which I wanna mention: 

The essence of who we are is wonderful.
In life, we must strive for a balance between solitude and involvement.  
As theologian Nouwen so beautifully says, "It is in solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts.
We are not misfits or losers. We are incurably and wonderfully human. 
Your worth depends on what you think of you. 
No matter how anyone speaks to me, I am a worthwhile person. My approval depends on no one else. 
Deemphasize the importance of looks. I think we are our own enemies when we are focused on the externals. I think we have to tell our friends they look great the way they are, and they are great the way they are, regardless of their looks. ← Sadly, I wasn't being told of this by those people.

And on to the very last phrase that is very encouraging: 

"Who I am is someone who has the power within to create a Heaven on earth for myself and to radiate a piece of that Heaven out to everyone whose life touches mine."

I love how I'm feeling great about myself and embracing that. I have never feel like this before, gaining so much from a book. So I do have the power and shouldn't belittle myself.  I can create what's the best of me. And be away from superficial and negative people. I can create my own world of Heaven. (*⌒0⌒)♪


Three things that I'm gonna focus on now: Self-love. Self-respect. Self-worth.

#18 lyric: 春風

I must mention how much this mean to me!! Finally I'm able to write my kind of spring song just like my favourite Kagrra, happy song! So it took me a year to be able to write as I wanted. lol. Well then, it's not too bad cos at least I managed to do it, although I keep wondering when can I. Inspiration is quite a nasty thing. Lots of things can be going inside my head but the right kind of flow may not be there. I'm really happy that I'm able to release this at the right time, since it's still spring in Japan right? I hope the feeling is there~ it should be!

[Inspired by Kagrra, 春麗ら]

春風（はるかぜ） Spring breeze
In this long awaited spring,
I came to receive you with a lonely heart

Peaceful flowers softly let out a sigh I didn't notice
Regretfully, it took me long enough to understand
what is most precious to me

Beneath the emptiness of my heart,
I have to cry sometimes
as exhaustion is draining my happiness

*In this long awaited spring,
I get to see your smile once again
diminishing my despairing thoughts
As what my dream has told me,
nothing would be as fearful as giving up
For that, I won't keep my wings away again

Your spirit that began to thrive in me
calmly reaching to the deepest guilt I can never get rid of
How long will everything last?
Regretfully, I leave a tear like yesterday

*In this long awaited spring,
I get to see your smile once again
diminishing my despairing thoughts
As what my dream has told me,
nothing would be as fearful as giving up
For that, I won't keep my wings away again

As aspiration filled up my heart
comforting me as though it were to be you
I let out a smile I'm sure you would like to see

*In this long awaited spring,
I get to see your smile once again
diminishing my despairing thoughts
As what my dream has told me,
nothing would be as fearful as giving up
For that, I won't keep my wings away again

"Hug me just like the wind"
as the spring says...

~~~~~
I'm very much trying to have the arrangement the same as Haru Urara and have the same set of chorus repeated. lol. 

As far as this goes, this is the kind of positivity that I can come up with. 

The kind of beauty and happiness that Isshi has given me, that I can be able to possess them. 

I won't keep my wings away again.

~~Yuuka

Anime: BONJOUR♪Sweet Love Patisserie

BONJOUR♪Sweet Love Patisserie Bonjour♪ 恋味パティスリー [24 episodes] → This must be the shortest anime of having 5-min episode which is really quick and fun to watch!

It's a romance comedy anime I chanced upon and I like how it brighten up my day night 2 weeks back. Yeah not to mention, partly cos there's so much about food! ｖ（=＾0＾=）ｖ

Here goes, let me feature those collection that they've shown. xD

This part made me laughed! Sayuri actually melted when Sensei came close to her, because he smells like cacao! (≧▽≦) That for guys who baked too much. haha. I might wanna melt like her too, if I ever come across guys who smell like food. xD  I've seen more of those who usually put too much cologne on themselves. lol.

I thought as pâtissier they're probably only good at baking. Oh yes, need to mention that those Sensei are like magicians as they create those cakes in class and even at a competition towards the end of the anime. I don't even get what's going on as they 'bake'. I guess that's the fun of watching romance-com cos they just made me laughed over such silly things. xD Yeah, and they can cook proper lunch dishes so well too. How and why are anime male characters sooooo attractive!! They can do just anything!! (♥ŐωŐ♥)

Side note: I've never understand the presence of the cute round maro things that appear especially in Sayuri's dream! （ﾟдﾟ）

I love the photo they took at the end. But it was quite a sad ending as this was about their graduation and it sounded as though they'll never get together again. (ｰｰ;)

Personally, for romance animes, I would prefer that the main female character will choose a guy in the end, but she didn't! That's kinda not a pleasant ending to see. It's not as though this is a reverse harem anime anyway. lol. But it would be nice if she chose one. I think most people would like to see her with Ryo, especially when he tried to confess to her twice but was interrupted and so he failed. It's kinda saddening to see this when he could have said more during the graduation too. I don't get why the ending has to be like that! Well, anyway if it was me, I would choose Mitsuki-sensei. Yes, the one that smelled like cacao!! (//∇//) I would have endless of chocolate to eat!! And he has 2 other handsome brothers!! Or I could pick either of them too. xD

Alrights, I'm having too much fun dreaming. hehehe.  I would definitely recommend this anime although 5-min seems too short to see any progress in the story. But it's a fun one to watch after all so please treasure this short amount of time that made you laughed for the day!

And happy craving for cakes too. haha.  (*^◯^*)

Things I've learned as an adult

I love watching videos like this that inspires and made me think through...



Let me note some of those that I agree with Weylie:
● Time will heal any heartbreak.
● If you don't know how to cook, it doesn't mean you will never know how to cook.
● If you don't click with someone, you just don't click with someone.
● Getting denied from college doesn't mean that you're stupid or that you will not have a good future.
● Embrace who I am.
● Love yourself first before you try to love someone else. Don't rely on others for you to feel beautiful.
● Keep an open mind. There's always someone better than you.


I didn't think that I have to look at someone younger than me for things like this, but I guess it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's not as though we have a huge age gap and most importantly I think is to be able to gain something from someone as motivating as her. I've thought of a few of those that I've learned upon watching this video. I hope I sounded right in my own way too. (・・;)
● Don't be too truthful. You have to reserve some to yourself.
● Don't trust too easily. You'll end up hurting yourself.
● Don't force yourself to fit into a group where you don't feel like you're one of them. You don't have to be. You can also be happy on your own.
● Don't take anyone's words seriously. Most of the time they are saying out of politeness. Most people make it an obligation to say nice words to others but they don't mean it at all.
● You don't need to care about what others think of you in which you can't control. It's too exhausting to mind about that and you can't change them easily. Humans just like to judge no matter what.

Alright, I have too much of "Don't" in the list but that's what I've come across to stop myself from doing all that I shouldn't have. And so, I could sum as such....

Conclusion: Be true to yourself. Stay as the way you are comfortable with. You don't owe anyone anything to constantly accommodate to others. You don't have to force yourself to keep up with everything. There's no rule that you have to be like everyone else. Most important is to live the life you are happy with the way you are.

That's very much of me as an adult now, only that I've matured kinda late. (-_-)

More Kagrra, green tea found!

I was really surprised for the fact that I ended up spotting more variety of Oiocha just after 2 weeks of the previous discovery. THIS IS TOO GOOD!! But well, not that I'm crazy enough to buy all that I've found. xD At least I get to know what are the different types available here. They'll probably all taste the same except for the packaging? One day I shall try their tea bag to see if there's a difference in the taste. [Oops I didn't take a picture of this one from the other mini mart] (ノ-_-)ノ~┻━┻

Anyway, just look at the damn gorgeous sakura packaging surrounding this green tea bottle! It must be of limited edition!! But the price! I think it was about twice the regular one I bought the last time. Why why... (>ω<)

This powdered form is indeed different from the previous one that I've seen. O_O

And look at this in 2L bottle!! That's the only one left!! I wondered is it because it's really a popular drink. I've no idea how much this cost too. On one hand I'm happy since there are quite a number of foreigners coming to this supermart near my workplace, which means there must be a demand for such Japanese products and that's why I can see them here. It's kinda weird cos I've been here almost every week but I just didn't see those green tea until recently. lol. Anyway it still made my day after some vexing stuff at work. (^_^)


I guess all things will come to an end.. for that it must be a good end! I'm glad to find back the document I've 'lost' at work. It's just that I was careless and filed to the wrong place. I swear it won't happen again. It made me panic for days! It was something that shouldn't happen for such an important thing. I just have to be more careful then no matter how tired I am...(┯_┯)

17th lyric release - L'appel du Vide

Here comes my lyric meant for February! I was really addicted to Buck-Tick's beauty song lol. It made me a lot happier in the mornings when I listened to it on the way to work. I love how they have such hyper songs cos they do lift up my mood. Those are really an addiction that I couldn't get rid of! Haha. But anyway, why would I get rid of them? I'm more than happy enough to be mesmerized with them so much. hehehehe. (♥ŐωŐ♥)

And do I have to mention? It's the first time I'm using French as the title. My lyrics ended up as a sad rather than a happy song too. (^_^;) But it's definitely how it will to turn out to be...

[Inspired by BUCK-TICK 独壇場Beauty]

L'appel du Vide
Beauty could just rot away, like my heart...
At the end of the night,
it has sent me flying

Fear could just be blown away, like my life...
Seriousness is not my game
I need not be awaken

*Believing is all but a lie
Drenched in rage, I whirl around in turmoil

Love could have vanished, just like my soul...
Panting and ending in screams,
it has set me free

In a blink the world where I dreamt of,
is waving goodbye

Undisturbed by passion,
I cling on to eternity that never comes

*Where all is lost, 
Believing is all but a lie
Sank in despair, I dance to the next storm

~~~~~
I'm still trying to grasp the real beauty

that is sinking inside me.

~~Yuuka 

Book review: Culture Shock! Japan

Yeah, I'm doing a book review for the first time! Onward to the first step in completing one of my projects/resolutions for this year lol. This book is something that is of my interest of course, which is about Japan! Haha not that I don't know of or about Japan, but it gives me a better insight to more about that country. I just can't helped but to grab this book while I passed by a bookstore last year. That's me having to look around at books if they're showed up in the open. haha.

Anyway, having to work in a Japanese company before, I can totally relate to the culture with my own experience. I agree a lot with what the author mentioned. I find it stressful too to be in such an environment as people have to conform and cannot be different. And they just put too much emphasis on age and status, that being really ridiculous at times. It's really difficult to work in such a culture where they have the mentality that the more hours you stayed in the office, the more hardworking you are, even if you've done nothing at all. But if you leave the office on time, you are deemed not being hardworking and putting effort in your work. It really doesn't make sense and that is really being unreasonable isn't it? And after work, you still have to go along with your superiors for dinner and drinks. Everyone has to be home LATE. Look at articles about how overworked has caused deaths in Japan. I've seen those appeared many times already. It's really a huge problem that they have to do something about it. Putting in more time at work doesn't mean you're being efficient. When you can do everything within a fixed time frame, doesn't this means you are indeed capable? =/

I've also heard stories from friends with people who worked in Japanese companies and wanting to leave due to such reasons. So yeah, sadly I know as much as I love Japan, I would never wanna work there. I don't wanna live such a life that gives me the heart attack. （・□・；）

As you would know, one of my dreams back then was to become a voice actress.  It seems like such an interesting job where most of them are so talented! Wouldn't it be cool if I can even be one of characters of my favourite anime? (・∪・) It sure takes a lot of skill to project your emotions through your voice. I don't like my voice to be honest, so I hope in such a way I can train my voice to some other voices that I can be proud of or liking it. Haha. How weird is that right? xD  So I was thinking how nice would it be if I can fulfill this dream of mine after I graduate from school. But hell, it was not an easy thing to achieve. Especially when you're a Gaijin!! It's already not easy for a Japanese themselves to be one and they expect A LOT. You have to be talented in almost everything. You don't just act with your voice, you must be able to sing, narrate, write, act out on stage etc and your Japanese level must be even better than the natives themselves! Else why would they wanna pick you over their own people? Even the number of foreigners in Japan is really really little... You have to show that you are much capable so that they can accept you, not just plainly cos of your interest.

And it's also not easy to be their citizen. (T ^ T)  I gave up on that thought after reading and knowing so much. Japan is indeed a stressful place having to keep up with everything and fit in and accommodate to others' requests always.

Well, What can I say?

Dreams are never easy to achieve.

It takes so much to get there. Decide for yourself if it's worth the time, effort and money to go for it. Is it realistic? Are you happy during the process? Is that what you really wanted? What if you just couldn't get it? Do you have a backup plan if it doesn't work for you afterall? Don't let yourself having to regret over other things in life that you've missed while achieving your 'dreams'.


After all, it's probably better that for us to be a happy visitor to Japan and appreciate their country in a relaxed manner than trying so hard to be in a place that you don't really belong.

These are just my own thoughts. It's just that I don't wanna get myself too stressed up all over again. And I know it doesn't work for me. I'm not that bold enough lol.

Do what's really important to you,
and be happy. 

all things weird...

What a hot day~!!

The weather's been weird and to only getting hotter and hotter. >_< And there's been getting more and more problems at work. It's kinda hard to work with certain people at times and there's just too many things to deal with. Maybe I'm stressed cos of this, that I began to eat a lot nowadays. Even a friend of mine has noticed such a change in me that I was so hurriedly gorging up my food even after I have eaten dessert while she was the one who's supposed to be hungry cos she hasn't eaten all day. Lol. We have all became weird. (・・;) I didn't notice much about myself. I just wanna do what I wanna do on my weekend. (´-ω-`)

Yeah I do almost fall into food coma after realising I yawned like a hundred times the whole afternoon. LOL.

Since I head to a shopping mall so far from home I had to buy things along the way. I feel I go there probably once a year. (-_-) The shops have changed so much. But nevertheless, Daiso is the place to do spend your money away on almost useless things haha.

Look at that!! All the pretty flower print envelopes and cards. How can I ever resist them! Although I still have such in my collection box. But those are new designs! Also a good reason to give to my friends when I grab gifts for them. hehe. （＾∇＾）


At least, I'm getting gifts in return too...

Speaking of gifts, I have never received things like cups, cushion and books from any of my friends, while I do get those for them. Don't I find it weird? (≧ω≦) I thought those are common to get, but I have never gotten any of those so to be honest, I was a little disappointed. I have a friend who told me she got too many cups that her dish shelf probably couldn't fit all those anymore. To think that I actually got envy of such! Lol. But really, I couldn't understand why won't anyone get me something more meaningful like a book too? Do I look like someone who needed food like snacks so much? Plushies are okay but cushion would be more comfortable to have. Well, I'm just saying. I can't expect that much and it's not like someone would ask me "What do you want to receive as a present?" I don't pin on such direct words myself. Although I'll probably be direct enough to ask someone what do they like to have haha.

Well, I'm too much like a Santa already. Wonder if anyone appreciates this. Sometimes I feel so tired giving out so much and have no idea if the receiver cherish them.

It's kinda hard sometimes.  (┯_┯)

16th lyric release - Flowers of despair

Ahhh, it's already April and there's been so much going on that I've missed the time to post my lyrics monthly as I would like to. (>_<) I'm really sorry towards myself and my dear blog. lol.  So as of now I'm lagging behind with 3 lyric posts. But I wanna find the right mood to choose which I wanna release for the month. Yet I guess now this doesn't really matter since my mood goes up and down anyway. (；´Д｀) So please check out my lyrics posts that's coming up when I feel like posting them asap so that I can catch up with what I wanna convey for the month... Anyways, I hope anyone will say they like it as much as I do! （・□・；）

A depressing one this time... when I was all sad just last month.

[Inspired by BUCK-TICK - メランコリア-]

Flowers of despair
Glass of desires
Heart of stone
This stage where I'm dancing, all alone
and the only audience who will applause
is acting too

Gazing at the moonlight
white feathers are falling off me
Covered by darkness, I'm no longer myself

*Deep romance they pricked with no shame
Who is there to hold my frozen hand dripping in red
Buried in withered flowers,
let me drink to the last drop

Chains of distress
Song of contempt
This stage where I am, acting all alone
for the only audience who is dancing...

Fascinated by the moonlight,
I bring my smile to the darkness before me
As the feathers are leaving me,
I'm no longer myself

*Deep romance they pricked with no shame
Who is there to hold my frozen hand dripping in red
Buried in withered flowers,
let me drink to the last drop

The final scene of myself
dancing and acting without a trace...

~~~~~
The stage is all mine now.

I'm learning to be myself all over again..

~~Yuuka

Regret purchases?

Yeah back with update on my skincare and cosmetics!

Wanted to do a mini review on some of the products that I've used just a while ago:
1. The gel eye masks I've bought long long ago but only to use them now (ーー゛) lol. Well, I've chucked it at a corner in my cabinet and so it was forgotten. I used to have a bad impression of gel masks cos I've used those before but it's for the face. I dislike them cos they were expensive and I don't feel a thing at all!! Aren't they supposed to make you feel your skin is moisturized and refreshed? But nope, I didn't feel that at all so I was disappointed. I thought that I shouldn't get those anymore but I was thinking if I should try the eye masks. So the results are just the same as what I've experienced. Moreover, you have to handle the gel really carefully cos it'll break off easily. So yeah, it's not my kind after all. (-_-)

2. Makeup remover Ultra cleansing gel is not one that I like either! Coincidentally, it's also in a 'gel' form as what they called it. It's actually kinda thick in consistency. It smells nice and it really is powerful in removing makeup, but it gives a sticky and soapy feeling which I don't like it on my face at all. I feel I definitely need to wash it thoroughly off my face so that I'll feel better. Argh so I won't recommend this to anyone. I guess I should have picked up their cleansing water instead. I wonder if that is also good in their removing power but I'm not sure if I'll get it the next time lol. Since I have another Bifesta bottle to use and I've tried a cleansing oil sample and I'm totally impressed with it!! It smells even more fragrant than any makeup removers that I've used and it removes really well. It acts like a facial wash for you to wash those makeup off your face. Now I have the urge to get this type of product the next time I'm done with what I have currently. lol. yeah since after all I'll still wash my face after using the remover might as well I get something that's 2-in-1? It seems like such products are getting popular too!


Now come to the those that I've bought 2 weeks ago. I ended up buying masks again and more eye masks!! I got a new BB cream from CANMAKE and well, I kinda regret cos the shade doesn't match my skintone. There's only 2 available shades available and I've always thought the lightest one might be too light for me since Japanese people have really lighter skintone and they are really into whitening. So I thought I should get the second one they deemed as 'Natural'. Argh no it wasn't!! It has that orangey-tone and it made me look kinda tanned!! Wasn't sure how the lighter one will turn out to be. I'm pretty okay with how this BB cream is except for the tone. I don't know if I should continue using this but yeah serves me right for wanting to try new things out when I already have some good ones on hand. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ

Now this post seems like a review of the regret purchases I've done recently. lol.

But it's okay. Lesson learnt. Stick to the ones that I've satisfied with. Ooh and the new eyebrow pencil...Hmm I wasn't really using a lot of the product since my brows now are more in shape and I just use it to fill in some spaces. I can't really evaluate how good is this so far I guess I need a bit more time with eyebrow products. Overall, this is my little shopping from March.

Look what's more, facial masks bought from my dear friend~
*yes you know I support U!* 

Haven't started using one yet! See I have tons of facial masks for me to slowly pamper my skin. lol. I'll do my review once again the next time! (^ε^)


A little pity for something.. A dress that a friend gave me as a little gift.

It looks really good but the material is just too thin! It'll be a hassle to get some sort of inner wear just for a dress don't you think! I've not had such a thin dress at all that makes me feel like I'm exposing myself and that's uncomfortable. So, I had to say bye to this dress. I'm tearing too but I know I won't be wearing it at all so I have to let this go. I hope I'll not get blamed for this. Dang~ I don't get clothes as presents that often I wonder is this the reason why? haha but nope I didn't tell that to those who got me such. (^_^;)


Why I ended up writing regrets here. Oh well.. sometimes it's just inevitable.

But I'm glad I'm done with what I have to!  ^_^

To Shua,

Dear Shua,
Do you know I'm missing you so much?!! I was so not used to the first few days without you. It's as though some part of me is missing in my life suddenly. I was afraid I couldn't smile again. I have no idea what to do. Now that it's been two weeks or so, but time seems to move slower than I thought. I want those endless chats that we can have each day. I want the good old laughter from day to day. I know I have began to rely on you so much. But it's still a fortunate thing isn't it? Although missing someone can be such a pain, just like how I missed isshi so much. But that's different. I'm not saying you give me pain though, I'm just.....argh! I can't bear to live like this without you that's all! I hope you feel the same. Maybe I'm too emotional by saying this. Please don't mind about that. I just wanna express my feelings rather than suppressing them. As you know, I'll still be saying, I love you buddy. I hope you are doing good and eating well. I shall wait for your return.

With loves,
Yuuka 24.01.16

~~~~~
Dear Shua,
Hey my dear... I wonder how have you been. Do you miss me too? Have you been sleeping well? It's getting weirder for me to not talk to you for so long. I wanna hear your reply so that I'll feel at ease. I don't know how's it all going for you since it's not like we can talk on the phone. All I can do is to tell u here that I'm probably quite well. I miss having you around. Sometimes when I feel troubled or tired there's no one I can talk and laugh anymore, I'm afraid it'll build up. I might have to be stronger by myself, but it feels meaningless on one hand. Will I have the motivation like before? Or maybe I can write a song from missing you, I don't know. I'm still doubtful at times. I miss having you as my strength.

Well I'm not gonna tear on this day since it's the new year. But I hope u understand me.

Miss you loads,
Yuuka 07.02.16

~~~~~
Dear Shua,
My health wasn't that good at the start. It doesn't seem good for the new year isn't it? lol. Please urge me so that I will take better care now.  I really I'm like half-dead since no one cares. (T_T)

Missing you,
Yuuka 28.02.16

Oh gosh, so these are the ones I've written after you left for some time. Yeah I was kinda embarrassed to post all these for you to read. lol. It's not a lot but I guess if you still aren't back yet I'll continue to write more. haha. But I don't know if this feels silly or scary to u? Hope you don't mind all these I've written.Wasn't supposed to make you feel uncomfortable. (^_^;) Anyway I'm glad that you're back and well! Congrats having that guitar with U! Oops but I haven't completed listening Isshi's solo album yet, and the rest of the Kagrra, no Su episodes. There's just so many things to do!!!  I hope I can complete them all during my lifetime. To make it sound less stressful, I still have so many more years to do so right? LOL. I'll update you or right at my blog when I'm done with something Kagrra,. And I hope you can get a full Kagrra, song played using your guitar. Looking forward to more that's waiting for us!

Thanks for being my buddy dancing panda! (⌒‐⌒)

From your best pal,
Yuuka

Loads of awesomeness!!

Happy April!!
Now that I can blog freely on my lappy after such a long time!! ♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪ I miss typing on my keyboard and ever since I can get my internet back I quietly swear to myself I shall blog more whenever I can! LOL.

Well well this shall be a happy post since I was having so much fun yesterday and I've discovered the Kagrra, green tea [Oops I've began to name it that way xD] in more variety HOW CAN I NOT BE EXCITED!  (≧▽≦) I'm already happy to discover a new Japanese supermart at a new side of the shopping mall and not to mention how thrilled was I to see those green teas. ♪～(´ε｀　)

LOOK AT THAT AWESOMENESS!! It's not just the regular 500ml bottle, there's also the cute 1L bottle and in 340ml canned and also in powdered form!! \(☆∀☆)/

Damn those sold here are even more authentic cos the packaging is full of Japanese words rather than the ones I bought earlier in February at an ordinary supermart that has English words on it lol. It definitely feels great to hold them in my hands. Hahaha. The next time when I'm gonna come here again, I shall buy the canned and the powdered (maybe). There may not be any difference in the taste, but it just feels like a sense of achievement having to tried them all as a fan [although Kagrra, did not promote this at all xD] and they appear to look like a set of awesomeness. (^o^)


And since it's all about my Kagrra, at this moment, I wanna give my thanks to my dear Tua who sent me so much lovelies from Japan! The postcards really do give off a Kagrra feel.

Thanks for everything!!
It all came at the right time to lift up my mood once again. ٩(๑´3｀๑)۶


I will do my best and start to refine my timetable better for more stuffs that I'm gonna accomplish! 
I shall be the best of myself.  (^｡^)

わからない、、、

Oh my gosh...it's already April now and look how little my posts is for the month of March. >_< I'm equally troubled since I don't have the internet at home for the past month and it baffles me how such a problem is to be solved in this house. I guess I won't have it anytime soon yet so I can only bear with it and do this mobile post just to feel better. T_T

Well, I haven't been feeling that good anyway and it just sucks cos home is not a place where I can relax or feel better anymore. I find work more enjoyable than being at home. It's amusing how I ended up finding other people being more understanding than ur own family members. Well everyone has their own set of problems so...I'm not someone who wanna say too much about my own to others. But I've heard a lot, and I know. I badly wanna leave this place since a long time ago... I know this is not the place where I belong. This is not the kind of life that I wanna lead. And I don't like to be ordered around and being hurried at. It's stupid enough that I didn't even get the basic respect as a human. I had enough of such a life. I definitely began to miss the time when I get to stay at a friend's house for 2 weeks. It was the most awesome time of my life for that I can ever remember. Because I can get to chase after my favourite singer and have the absolute freedom I was yearning for. I want it back so much again. I need the peace and freedom to be myself. I need to have my own life rather than stuck in here. I feel that I haven't really lived my life at all doing whatever I want but to keep considering for those who didn't really cared about me. I feel so tired having to be trapped by such responsibilities. 

Since I wasn't wanted in the first place, why did u bother to bring me to this Earth?? 

I just couldn't understand...