As I feel so untalented and like a failure... =(

You know this feeling comes when you're just left nothing to do at home and all alone... lol.

Well today I was also feeling like a failure when I was not needed to help out with the cooking for lunch today. It's not that I don't wanna learn cooking you see, my mum doesn't teach me! She'll just pick me at how bad I'm doing and then she'll end up doing everything by herself. How am I supposed to get to learn a thing? No one has the patience. I lived with my grandma as a kid and she doesn't teach me a thing either! >_< I want to pick up this skill in cooking and I believe it's something that has to be taught personally cos recipe books are just not dependable. It's an activity that has to be carried out often and way too flexible for you to adjust the ingredients as you like. [Eg. if you don't like a certain food or you can't find the ingredient, or to make sure the ingredient you get doesn't clash with the other etc] I don't know if anyone will agree with what I think about this but yeah, I do think it's not something as easy for you to be good at like reading and writing, you need someone to test the flavour and tell you how you can improve. And every person I came across who's really good at cooking have someone to guide them all along. How lucky. ( ´∵｀)

Alright, that's fine. Although I'm really feeling down thinking about this. Probably when time comes I'll find a way to get myself being good at this skill someday, for the sake of the those that I love? Maybe I should start by watching more cooking videos to get pumped up. In fact I like to watch them as a kid but I didn't get to do the cooking myself. lol. Well that's just me to enjoy watching people doing things. I like to observe too much! haha.

Anyway, since I was kinda sick with a mild flu, so I spent my time mainly at home and sleep cos I needed rest. This week passed by way to fast for me to realise which means I was also really overwhelmed with the amount of work. （・□・；）There's so many data for me to key into the system damn I felt so aching from all the typing. Work is really endless and draining as time goes by. I found myself to be less motivated this week. It made me yearn for more and longer holidays. I feel I need to be away from everything at least once... If I really could. (,_,)

And because I'm here trying to entertain myself, look what YouTube recommended me.




This girl is way too good at playing that Guzheng! Omg I loved how beautiful that instrument sound as a kid but I've never got the chance to play it, not even learn it though. What a sad life I have. lol. It was only in later in my teens I got the chance to be part of the orchestra and learned a chinese instrument finally. But not that I can play it that great. Yeah I watched videos of how they perform and I feel so lousy about myself once again. (-_-)

Well the thing I wanted to say actually is that this music seemed so familiar when I first heard it! Then I realised, oh it's Wagakki band's song that I must have heard it long ago. They're quite a cool band and I've watched them performed live before but just too bad I have no feels for them. Although they are of the same genre as my favorite Kagrra, but I won't like a band just for the same genre cos afterall the music they make aren't as good as my Kagrra,. SIMPLY STILL NO ONE CAN BE OF MATCH WITH MY KAGRRA, and they just can't impressed me that well. They just can't!! And I can't explain why I dislike that main female vocalist. I don't like her voice and I find the band too noisy with too many instruments in the music. It's flooding with too many things my ears can't absorb. lol. They're awesome nonetheless since there's hardly a mixed group around. But sadly, I just can't like them.

I'm not being overly bias over Kagrra, okay. Although they are definitely the best in my heart but I do listen to other bands of other genres and exploring to see which are those that are of my type too. I'm also learning to appreciate different sort of rock and it's really not that I dislike listening to female voices although I've been listening to a lot of male voices all along. xD I just discovered 妖精帝國 Yousei Teikoku and I feel so comfortable to listen to the female vocalist's voice!! Yeah it's because of anime I can come across awesome rock songs. (^o^)  They're a mixed band too, and they're of gothic metal which is makes this even more cool. lol. There I realised and know better that there have to be many factors for me to like a certain band. Most importantly it lies with the first song that I've heard from them. The specific genre is not really the point so long as they are doing rock. And the vocalist voice must be one that I feel comfortable listening to. Especially when it's filled with deep feelings. That's how I like Buck-Tick as you can see...




So yeah, I'm into this song lately and it's additive. lol. I can't believe for a mo that they've been around since 1997? But I've never heard of them only until now. I may be trying to discover more about them since this is quite refreshing. xD I hope this is another inspiration for me cos it'll be the best if it turns out that way. (^_^;)


Ooh and to be back to the topic on feeling so untalented, another thing that pops out at my YouTube feed recommending me to watch:



Just look at how cool those boys are!! lol. 

I know I shouldn't feel so bad about myself. They are artistes afterall and so they got all the practice. It's their job anyway right? But it will also be good if I can ever do something like that like being part of a group and dance for the fun of it and got it film just like them? Yeah I'm dreaming. Being as good as them is no joke. The amount of time and effort for all that. If I'm doing that for leisure, I'm not even sure if I can be serious enough for the practice. haha!

But seeing the whole coorodination of them dancing and on beat is really such a pleasant thing to watch. Why guys can look so cool and their dance is freaking awesome! I'm not interested in girls' since it's always like twisting the body and acting sexy most of the time. lol. It always seems to me that guys' dance have a real level of difficulty that's much nicer to watch. And here I am wondering how nice would it be if I'm a guy because you bet, I'll be even more daring to do all sorts of things than I am now.

Yeah, just why am I not born as a guy? >_<

Okay, enough of my foolishness, and feeling how much of a failure I am. I should go do something right now and prove my usefulness.

AND THAT IS TO EAT!