This is exactly what I wanted to talk about, about isshi's impact on me, but I ended up seeing this old entry of mine from year 2013 in the draft box, in which I didn't publish..I think at some point it must be that I was so sad when I talked about it and so I didn't dare to post it although this is what I've been feeling cos of Isshi. Of course right now I'm okay to be at this topic since I strongly feel that Isshi is my saviour and everything else now. It's him that I've found strength back again. It's definitely more than just blessing for me to think about him and listening to Kagrra, cos it always make me feel good and positive. I'll have the motivation now cos they serve as a reminder to me that I shall not repeat the same mistake for not being into, not doing the things I love and keep dragging, and then ended up regretting. And that is why...
my only thought now is to always have achievements in my life no matter how small it is [even by blogging about them or anything else] and to be more hardworking than ever. I will not let regret be in my life anymore, and work hard till I get the results I want. I won't stop to make the move of trying. No matter what the outcome is, face it and get myself back up again and keep moving! Never lag in anything I wanted to do. Go ahead with what my heart says. Believe in myself. Don't doubt anymore. Always hold on to the power within me and do something... Be strong. I'm sure Isshi is around me and he will see it! I'm sure he is already proud of me for passing my Japanese exam cos of him. There is never a day where I won't think about him at all... And this is what my life is. ♥
My old entry that is worth looking at for it to be posted finally, where my thoughts are of course still the same:
I have been posting quite frequently on Kagrra, compared to last year, but anyway I wonder if this year's total blog posts will exceed last year's? Cos I've got the urge to do as many things as I could. Since I've been thinking lots about Kagrra, and Isshi, this brought about the change in me. I still can remember the time where I know of the news of Kagrra,'s disbandment/demise, I felt so upset by it. Why is such a good band not want to be together anymore? I don't get it. And then news of Isshi's death came..I felt even sadder. I remember my old post of Nothing is forever.. I tried to make myself feel a bit positive by thinking Every ending means a new beginning in somewhere else. I really hope so...I hope Isshi does have a good beginning in heaven.
I ended my old post being quite positive with the smiley face but right now I have a sad face. ಥ_ಥ I can't help feeling so sad now that Isshi can never be making anymore beautiful music for us, not to mention Kagrra,. I have so many heartfelt feelings inside me. How much I've regretted not getting into Kagrra, enough in the past. I didn't do the things that I can do as a fan. Maybe my Japanese could have improved back then long ago. If I were to be more determined and more motivated, I could have achieved more. I could have been more active in the fan groups in the past while Kagrra, is singing. I could have understand them better. I could have.................
Why I have so many regrets.. And I don't know why either, all of a sudden this year I feel like this. But is also because Isshi's has gone, I know much better now that anything can happen...suddenly. Don't live life with regrets. Do whatever you want now. [I've always wanted to post as much about Kagrra,, be part of Kagrra, fan communities, improve my Japanese, do my origami, write stories/lyrics, etc] Now I'm planning well my time for everything I want to do as much as I could. I need to get it done! Not hesitate and drag anymore. I must give in my effort and not be daunted so easily.
Is because of Isshi that I've learnt now to live happily every single moment without regrets, and to give in all my best in whatever I do. I should have known this earlier right. I took so long to realize this. But I hope it's not too late...at least I did it.
Anyway, I was browsing the site that I saw the pv list. I looked at the members profile and noticed that there are quotes from each of them.
"Death is the end of the day..." -Shin
"I want eternal youth" - Nao
"Death is the beginning of eternity..." -Isshi
"Death is happiness" - Izumi
"Death is the end" - Akiya
I'm kinda shocked! All of them mentioned death except Nao?! Why almost all of them had the same thinking...on the topic of death? And Isshi is thinking that it's the beginning... Is he beginning somewhere happily?
I wouldn't wanna think about such topic on death anymore. I'll just believe he's in a better place watching over me. Sadness shall not come to me.
Be happy. That is the ultimate aim in life. And because isshi is saying 'yeah U should'! xD
I'm more than willing to be intoxicated by isshi. Because he's our powerful Oni. (⌒ー⌒)
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