Hey there~ I feel lotta better now although last night I had restlessness coming over me suddenly at 3am and it was awful. I couldn't sleep and felt like running! But how can I in the middle of the night, I can only stretch out as much as I can. It's probably something that happens for the first time. Gosh I hope my body's functioning okay and I better get my running plans up soon so I'll not experience the same thing again. >_<
And to mention something serious, I've decided not to take the exam. I'm really not prepared and got so drained from the very first lesson I started cos of the train fault. I know it must be silly of me to just give up like this since I've already paid for it but what am I to do? I know I couldn't since until now I can't even finish going through one third of the entire course book. I don't have the time to do a freaking mock paper for 3 full hours to test my knowledge. Every time when I'm back home with just that few hours I only wanna rest or watch something to entertain myself to relax. If I were to study instead, I'll get my brain too active at night and I ended up not be able to sleep at all. And that does happened when I have classes on weekday after work. (;´д｀) Damn, I should have known that I can't manage both but yet I thought of giving a shot. Well, at least I did try to, I can say so right? I've probably wasted all that money but if there isn't too much restriction and stress I'll most probably give in my best once again. This course has been screwing up with my sleep since July and I don't want this to carry on anymore. It's only when November comes and when the course ended I felt better. I'm still feeling all bones till now I haven't been able to gain any weight and I think I'm getting skinnier. I don't know what the heck is with my health. This isn't that good. But that's what the stress has given me, and I have to stop it right? (,_,)
Having said that much, yeah my decision is to focus more on my life and work rather than studies. I've been like studying my entire life I guess I should have enough of it already! lol. I wanna do more writing and improve my Japanese too. There's more other things that are more important that I should concentrate on rather than making my own life difficult isn't it? haha I guess all that anyone can do is to agree with me. It's my life afterall. And I've seen people who have given up long ago before me. I wonder if I should be happy for them or not, or for myself. Although I should have wasted far more money than them. Either way, many of us have been in such a situation. Is life playing a joke on us? Time wasted is something we can never get back at all. (x_x)
On to yesterday, I wanna pamper myself a little with food. The baked rice didn't turn out to be that delicious as what I was expecting. It was just okay. At least I felt really full from lunch. After which, I went to do some shopping for xmas gift exchange and stuff.
I'm busy thinking of getting nice presents for my friends that I've been fretting for a long time. I'm glad I'm almost done! Honestly, it's also the first time I'm packing chocolates nicely like this for everyone. I'm really doing my best! hahaha. Wish I can give u one too buddy!! =)
Well I'm also thinking, I've been making myself busy getting presents, how about for myself? And there, I got a
coloring book that I was attracted to days ago! lol.
Adult coloring books are something which is popular now and I've seen it in bookstores and even read an article mentioning how it helps to destress. That's why got to try this out!! I bought the Chinese version I supposed it's not much different from the original one? I've no idea it looks good to me too. I wanted a Japanese pattern styled one I've spotted last week but I couldn't find it just cos I was at a different store. Argh how unfair. lol. Better than nothing for now since I can get something nature like. But look what I'm lacking with... color pencils!! I can't find any good ones! The only thing I can get my hands on is the
water color markers from Daiso since it has a wide range. So far I'm enjoying it this morning when I started to get them colored. It was certainly great!! Cos I find myself in all concentration to get the colors nicely on the page. And those prints are so small and detailed I'm only worrying that my markers aren't sharp enough to reach all those areas. Damn, now I have to fret over if I can get cheap and quality color pencils and a sharpener!! Why as an adult I just don't have such simple stuff anymore?! Ahh!!! (>ω<)
I was meant to get cosmetic products next time round but I'm also fretting over a new concealer cos the
previous essence concealer was used up so quickly! Then I realised it was only 1.5ml compared to my other liquid ones at 7ml and 9ml no wonder there isn't anymore for me to use. I was also angry there isn't any more of those Silky girl liquid concealers sold and so I had to make myself get some other ones. I'm not so fond of crayon-like cream ones like this new essence one but it was very smooth when I tried it on my hand. I hope this one can satisfy me or else I'm gonna continue to fret over what liquid concealers to get. What a bummer. (-_-)
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I was feeling kinda somewhat unhappy over the past few days due to some comments from the people of my group. Since I was troubling long ago over their decision and my fren insisted that I should voice my concern rather than forcing myself to follow the crowd, I went to talk to someone in the group first before I commented for everyone to see. Guess what, that guy didn't made me feel any better. He misunderstood me and hit me with a sarcastic remark, and the way he was talking all along seem to pinpoint it was my fault all along. That didn't happen when I talked to another person instead. It definitely depends on who I'm talking to, afterall. Even though we cleared the misunderstanding, it left a scar on me now and I just can't get over the fact that I can't be on the same wavelength as some people no matter how. And it seems that the more we talk, the more it could get worse. That happened to me before with a classmate years ago. There's just this kind of people whom existed that you just can't click as much as you want to. I've thought about this and figured that I better not get myself too serious with anyone in this group and well, just try to get along with them on the surface will do. Humans are just so complicated and it's not like everyone will think the same way as me. I'm very much annoyed for the fact that everyone wants to get attention on themselves and ignored people constantly and even minority like me just because we didn't talk as much. But that's cos only you are too free for important things while we have to be busy with work and real people. And choosing to ignore as a way to solve problems, so as to act as a nice person because you didn't want to be different from the rest and to show that you're easygoing although it's not what you truly want. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ I'll only vomit upon reading your words. Yucks. Fine even if that guy continues to think that I'm not as important as he is and thinks that I didn't even contribute at all and a useless person whatever, well the very first person who created the group was me! And I never want it to turn out this way! But fine, I'm gonna grow out of this. I should not take everything seriously and hurt myself. Who truly cares anyway. Only the popular talkative people wanna take charge. I'm a nobody. I'm just a leech over there to fill up the numbers. The other quiet ones will also be thought of the same, as unimportant people and being neglected. Although I certainly hate that fact. But they are the ones who became my good friends instead because I know how they feel too. And because only I care! (｡-_-｡)
Afterall, who is more important in my life I should really care about? My close friends who will listen to my worries and of course my buddy Shua. Only these few precious is all I need. I shall not care anymore about people who speak behind my back. I shall not waste my time on such immature people. NOT ANYMORE.
