I don't know what sums up as the best for me, but I'm pretty much happy to do what I can do thus far. ^_^
I really feel I'm on a steady pace now and so I just feel like writing this...
I have dreams that I couldn't accomplish yet. There are things I want and yet they are far from reach. There are so many that I have to consider. And probably that's what that is pushing me forward.
I'm glad I can be able to get a good job and be loved by my friends. Everyone is telling me I'm so much of a cheerful person than before. Although at times I do hear the words "You've changed.", I supposed that they said with a good meaning and this was a good thing. (≧▽≦)
Yet somehow, I'm afraid how would everyone thinks when they know the real me. It's quite a pain to hide, yet I don't want to show my true self so easily. I just hate being judged. Sometimes I'll rather this world to be less complicated and I need not know so much. ~( ´•︵•` )~
I know I've experienced much emotional changes over this period of time and especially since last year I think. But that's what the world has to be, putting you through and to make you grow. And so you have to find something that drives you forward and make you be able to cherish the good ones better and become stronger. Since I had that, I'm more than happy enough with how my life is now and being thankful that I can breathe well and also pursue my interest at my own time. Something that I would not have been able to imagine in the past. I'm really a fortunate person. And that I can sleep well at night, is the best thing ever too. (´ー`)☆
In order to get motivated and be doing something, I made myself watch shows/dramas/animes, and so it's not plainly for me to relax. In fact, sometimes the topic and content would be turning round and round in my head, and which I hope I can get them as inspiration for my writing. Or even do or buy the things I want. haha. What a torture. xD All along when I was young, I watch shows so that my mind can get to rest, cos I won't be thinking of anything only when I'm looking at a screen. Well but now it's a different story. How is that I grow out of it suddenly? lol. But indeed, sometimes my mind just gets so occupied and I won't be able to get enough rest. Somehow I wish I can control this well. haha.
So far up till now, I've completed 16 shows [animes including OVA +dramas] and I considered this quite a bit of achievement since I made myself to listen to more Japanese I can be able to catch some words better than before, and there are always new things for me to learn from. It's quite a good way, especially you're focused on watching and repeat after what the characters are saying. I find this helpful. =)
I wonder why some people can write so often every single day. How is it that there's so many things that can come out from your brain all the time? I can't do so and I have to see my mood and inspiration for the day, before I can write well enough. I do hope I can progress from writing lyrics to writing fiction perhaps, although I'm not sure if I'm good enough and describing things well. I hope language wise mine will improve cos of that and also not to forget my Japanese! I might be learning at a slower pace now since I have other commitments, but I'll never stop. One day I shall make myself able to write my lyrics directly in Japanese. I'll never forget this dream of mine that I wanted to do so, being proficient enough for isshi's sake is definitely the reason, for him and for myself. (*´︶`*)
Now whenever I'm feeling down, I will tell myself 'no problem, isshi knows this. Hang on just a little more.' I know it every time I see his photo on my phone lock screen, and so it made me calm down much more. I'm glad how this can make me feel better, and I'm able to get myself back up again.
And since I've did my best all the while, there won't be any regrets.
Everyone is happy with me and love me I'm really blessed.
I shall not keep envying people and wonder why I can't be like them. I shall let them be my source of motivation instead. And be satisfied with who I am. Who knows there might be people envying me instead. lol.
Well life will go on good when you're strong. And then you'll get to see the light.
May the force be with you..
May isshi always be with me..♡
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