When had a bad day...

Oha my space. It's a holiday morning but here I am naturally waking up at the usual morning time. I guess yesterday's incident brought me to be even more moody. But I'm keeping it inside me and trying to stay calm and pretend nothing has happened. Still, mr brain failed me and keep thinking about it. Here this just feel as though I can't make a single mistake or it'll be broadcast around. 😱 I was in disbelief. I felt so misunderstood. But who will think in my shoes right? It was the first time it happened to me. I don't think it's appropriate to tell anyone cos this felt like a stab to me. Okay, so my fault for being muddle-headed at times.. but I didn't wish for this to happen! Recently I've been even more forgetful. I have no idea why for one second when I think of something I can forget it the very next moment!! This has never happened before either! It felt so scary now.....that if I were to be so unsure of myself again I might face another one to upset me. With once I certainly had enough of it. ☹ Probably everyone are guessing too, and maybe my co-worker beside would have guessed it if she were to notice me. Although I shouldn't be thinking so much to leave myself feeling so horrible. But all of this is possible. I'm just..... starting to feel detached from this place. I really wonder if I can ever befriend anyone in the workplace. 😦 

In addition, there's actually a big blood clot at the bottom of my tongue. I must have got it a few times in my life but it was just last night I took a closer look at the mirror because it was bothering me while I'm eating. It's so strange something at my tongue keep brushing against my teeth and it kinda hurts. A while later I tasted blood. Where did it all come from??! I have no idea how the clot just came when I didn't feel any pain earlier on. 😭

Pain from work, pain from body, pain from relationships. This has gone far at such a wrong time.

If only I can return to sleep and pretend none of these has happened.

But I'm awake too soon to recall those. 🤕 I need to find myself again. 🙀

What is going on...?

Why the constant changes? Okay, the fact that things changes from time to time huh? (¬_¬)

Google is doing it again, I almost panicked when I couldn't find my pictures at picasa web album.

Is that a good way? I was confused where I can find them at first. Oh so it's not at Google photos but at Album archive if I wanna search for my blogger pictures. (-_-)

Whatever with this all in one thing. Changes confuses me much too often when I'm already used to something.


Okay, speaking of which, shouldn't I also get my current blog revamp too? (・・;) A new year is coming and it would be nice for a little change right? [Oh thanks google for the reminder.]

But now I still have no idea what to do with my LJ when it has some pictures that I don't wanna see again lol. 

Well well, let's just get some ideas brewing while struggling for time as well since, I really won't be able to get an entire day to make this blog design entirely differently. Although that's what I would I love to have.

And also, time to review the year and start making some resolutions as well! I need so much time to think. hahaha.

Cosmos #14 | Another beginning to treat myself right!

Bless me!! I finally can make myself do a Cosmos post and feel I'm not out of this world yet! lol.

It's been such a long while, that I have the mood to document my life in this way and feel somewhat better by summing up what's been going on for the whole week.

Yeah so here's my report: I'm in a new environment for a month! And have been eating well lately, which is a huge improvement compared to August! It's weird how my body changes that quickly just because I get moving instead of resting at home. Maybe my body has accustomed to getting waking up and getting active? I wished I can make myself rest more as I know I didn't get to rest properly in ages. And it's hard to control my stomach or digestion I really don't get what's going on but since I'm back to normal this should be good. Or maybe because this is just a start so stress hasn't come to me yet? Well, the fact that I'm not facing it alone and I felt that everyone is working equally hard and being cooperative makes me feel that there is actually more morale here. We often have group lunches and gatherings which made me feel I'm part of them. This is such a huge gap I get to experience like finally! But on one hand, I'm feeling guilty from spending too much. Really too much!! Especially on food because of the gatherings. I felt kinda heart pain but on the other hand, expensive food gave me the appetite. And that is why I can eat better than before. It probably pays off in the future? And how can I not note that I always tend to spend more towards the end of the year? lol. It just so happens. But I really need to restrain a little. Although yes, I'm struggling between treating myself right and saving up a bit more for the future if not I'm cry someday if I ever need $$ in unexpected situations. ^_^; hahaha.


Well last week, I also had the mood to do a little 'craft' by changing my earrings into hp chains instead. I used them on bags or pouches with zips. Since I don't wear earrings anymore, it would be a waste if I throw them away instead of converting them for something better or useful. I like putting on chains so this is just one of my small creativity. And since I can't bear to just throw those away as the flowers and stars are really pretty you know!

So there ya go, this is my little boring life. hahahaa. (≧▽≦)


As for this week's little reward, I bought myself another of the matte lipstick, powder foundation and hair oil to stock up!

Previously I mentioned the shade was dark on me, and it's true. Now I find that the picture of a model's lip colour for the lipstick cannot be trusted [probably due to the lighting or the skin colour idk]. It's of course the best if I can try it right on my lips but I definitely won't do that since it's not hygienic. All I can do is to judge by the tube/sticker colour so this time, after I watched reviews from youtube and got to have a clearer look at the colour, I'm very pleased that I got the right shade I wanted for myself initially, which is light pastel pink. It's better because it's sweet looking and nope I don't like nudes! I don't get why it's such an in thing nowadays because it made you look sick more than anything else. Natural looking is nice but I felt it would defeat the purpose of putting a lip product on your lips when the colour doesn't show, unless it's a lip balm. Same applies to nail polish. I just can't get into nude colours so nope!!

As for the foundation, their natural shade actually seemed quite dark after I used the sponge to tap. It didn't seem to be a problem to me since it indeed is nearest to my skin colour although I think they could have made it a little lighter since it'll oxidize at the end of the day. But so far, I wasn't out for too long I don't know if it's something I'll be satisfied with yet. But nonetheless, I'm still in search of a good long lasting foundation that can control my oil well. Sadly it's been quite a challenging task. *sweats*

Beauty shall be here~

Hey there! It was a super long while since I've last blogged here. 2017 has already seem like some kind of life-changing year for me perhaps? I spent my time doing this other site writing although I'm not sure how will it help me ^_^; At least I'm still working my brain to do something I like right? Although I'm a little upset with myself how I've stopped my weekly Cosmos posts because I was so uninspired for so long. What can I say? I was actually uninspired ever since this year arrived. Well, if I have to think about it, I was too burned up (stressed up) constantly in tensed mode that I didn't realised how much damage it has already done to me but of course I made the right decision of leaving at the right time if not I might go crazy or more than that. (´；Д；｀)

Looking back at 2016, how much I love Buck Tick that I keep listening to sad songs and be so inspired by it. So here proves it, sad songs and being in sad lone mood gave me the inspiration to write. And since I wanna make myself happy and stand up with strength again, I moved to Kpop which gave me the energy indeed and so I turned out not having that lyric inspiration anymore. This is kinda strange to me in a sense. I thought I can be inspired by almost anything that I come across. Why would music genre be part of the factor? Well I don't understand myself anyway so how can I even answer that right? haha. At least I got such things figured out, so all I'm left now is to see if I can still be able to write someway or another. No force, no stress. Just do when I can. But as for now I have a lot of things to focus and learn at work, so good and bad in a sense.

Anyway, let's have some updates! I think I'm most likely gonna post my skincare and cosmetics photos here. Maybe solely here on what I've bought. (>ω<) I haven't been doing much shopping so it can't be any fun haul. But I might wanna comment how good or bad the product is that I've bought and used.

These are gifts to me from a friend! Masks, gudetama handcream and post-it & stickers. That's really sweet to receive as gifts! Especially all from Korea. ♥

Additionally, I bought myself more masks since there was a sale. And just also to make myself use them more often or else how will I be motivated if I didn't see a mountain of them that I'm supposed to use them up asap? lol~

I quite like this lip balm I bought btw. It's supposedly a new packaging? But hey it's Made-in-Japan so that pumps me up! xD  The colour is indeed very sheer but I like how it's peach gold colour as it says. I think it's pretty good as an usual everyday wear to work. Well I just don't do thick full makeup to work but rather a simple and clean look.

I wanted a matte lipstick for quite a while! Damn I'm glad I got this because it really feels like powder after application which feels smooth and comfortable to me. But I think I got the colour that was a little too HOT PINK for me? I'm not sure if it will turn out the best for me if I were to have full makeup on cos I only just tried it out. I like how the colour staying power is so awesome!! And it doesn't feel drying at all. I'm pretty surprised there can be such a good matte lipsticks around! So I might wanna get another lighter colour of it but anyway, I think I need to be bold enough to wear such a strong HOT PINK colour out and see what others think and maybe I will look really pretty. Cos I need some real colour on my lips. If it's too light it might 'defeat' the purpose of me getting a lipstick colour on my lips. (・・;)

As for the eyeshadow & primer 2-in-1, I can't comment for now since I haven't get to wear it out yet. My eyelids are as oily as my entire face skin so it's quite a trouble for me. I'll rather not apply concealer since it'll became more oily than usual if I leave it unapplied. Just wonder what's up with it. So hopefully this product may help somehow? No idea if my eyelids can stop being oily and whether it can let the eyeshadow be more longlasting and obvious.

Alright, all else I'm left with finding the best foundation for myself. Up till now there's not one that I feel the best to stop my skin from being so oily!!

The last unproductive month

How about a peek into what has happened?

Bought the pore minimizer or whatever it's called. Just because ZA is not selling it anymore and I'm really upset about it! Why don't U!! Although honestly I'm not sure if my pores and indeed smaller after using this product but I supposed it does help a little. EH was having a sale so I don't mind getting 2 bottles at one go. But it's gonna take me a real long time to finish using them though hahaha.

A surprise gift from a friend who came to my doorstep that day. It was a Saturday in which I wasn't in the mood nor able to hang out late (at the last min) so this came and brighten me up. Appreciate the thought!! Although it would be better if my friends aren't so sneaky. They always don't knock the door but quietly walk along the corridor and hang something on my door..... (-｡-;

Lastly, I painted my nails! It was purely out of good mood! I bought 2 colours at a drugstore which I didn't frequent but simply because they carry my favourite essence brand. That's all. It was kinda wasted since I won't be able to get points as a member of the other store which is not available around my area nor having essence with them again. What a sick truth. But I still can't let this stop me from pampering myself. A little trouble shouldn't bother me that much isn't it? It lasted for 3 days before it wore out without the top coat. So... definitely don't miss out putting on top coat cos it definitely helps to let the nail polish stay on longer. =/

I have nothing else to talk about May month anymore. It was a memory that kinda got slipped out of my brain very soon. If not for the photos.. >_<

Time to look forward for the better!

Happy Kagrra day for me..

In a blink of an eye, it's another Kagrra day to reminisce about once again.

To be honest, I have not been listening to Kagrra for a long time. For some reason, I have been losing motivation which led me to lose inspiration as well. And therefore, I wasn't in the mood for anything productive nor something that I'll like to do the most.

It's seems like it's the dullest period of my life now. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Well, at least this time of the year it's time to revive me back again. I might have said it countless times and wondering am I really back alive. I just can't see myself at the current state. My brain gets so messed up and turning into a blank piece of drawing board suddenly. What do I want the most? How can I get it? Can I just leave everything behind and fight for myself? OR simply, to find myself like what Michelle did? That's probably the best way that I can see things clearly and think clearer all over again. IF only things can be that easy to solve, and not seen as a form of selfishness. (┯_┯)


Well then, having said that much, I knew I wasn't satisfied with what I'm doing thus far. And every single thing I saw seems to be a challenge ahead. Was I ready for it? Should I even think of being ready? Or I shall just go for it? Are all the factors stopping me or am I stopping myself instead? I'm definitely not what some people thought of me to be. But I see no point in proving them anything. Why should I keep myself busy with others' thoughts which might be untrue?

Anyway, it's June which means we have reached almost half a year now. Time for reflection and everything else yeah? I feel that it's the right time of the year for me somehow to be able to take time to slow down a bit (maybe) and coming up with new plans and perhaps get motivated to fulfill them. What a hard time it has been. With work, it drains me down so much!! Now I have to do something different - which is journalling! A way to rediscover myself again. I have done a little last month and it wasn't enough. Although it's basically answering questions about myself. There's so much more to think about. And maybe I should also be happy for the fact that I created a new blog simply to post book reviews in order to make myself read more. But it was all dull since all I read are self-help books which talk nothing special but points that you should follow in order to achieve blah blah blah. There you go, this is actually what I'm interested in. LOL.

I will still blog here as usual, although kiramekikoi has started to turn into a personal blog because of my rants and the new weekly Cosmos posts. (ｰｰ;) Didn't mean to turn it that way, but I supposed that's how things developed for me over time. So it's probably the best that I've already have another one which focus on my interests rather than rants and stressful stuffs. I hope it'll turned out good but now it's still too early to know I guess. And who knows me over there? hahaaa. I shall have a good time writing things in a 'professional' manner and really use English the right way. But hey, how will I know if I have done it correctly? I always supposed that I did it right here already. (≧▽≦)


Alright, 2 more things to show here. Just sharing how happy am I to see comments and likes from the people I follow:

The power of philtrum!

And how happy I will be if Swoozie comes here. hehe.

That's how my Saturday goes. I'm happy again. =)

Take the chance to change for the better~

Here comes my once-in-a-blue-moon hair update! I splurge on my hair once again, since that became the only place where I can spend my money on without feeling guilty. Since this was my resolution, and I just have to get better to look pretty isn't it? lol.

First I have bought this hair oil months ago but I've just started using it this month. I wonder is it me who's having this new product fallacy. Every time I bought an use a new (hair) product I always feel it's better than the previous one that I've used. Okay, so what's nice about this one? It just made my hair more smoother than the previous one. OH really? (¬_¬)

How else can I describe hair oil then? Aren't they supposed to make my hair smooth and manageable? Okay, the previous one works just as well. But somehow I just feel it's just better at doing this job. It's actually meant for damage hair though, so maybe that's why it's just better than CC hair oil. I guess so. I'm satisfied with it for now. hahaha.

Because my hair looks messy with all the frizz, to be honest, no matter how much hair oil I apply to smoothen it, it look like it wants to fly. I have to comb it once every few hours (ideally) so it's actually hard to tame them down. I have a hard time with them but it's not like I hate my hair. It's much much better after I head to the salon for treatments. And my natural wavy hair just made my hair lively, just that it looks like it doesn't wanna stay like how it should.

SO! It was my hairstylist who can't tolerate my messy hair, and went to soften my hair by persuading me to let her do straightening this time. I haven't had straight hair in years and this brings back so memories though. I'm lucky that there's lotta discount for me so this was worth the price including the products I have to get. (^_-)-☆ And I have to emphasize that my hair now is indeed more manageable when it's super straight now, I don't have to comb so many times, it'll all just fall into place. Although I'm not used to it since it's been holy many years. And my fringe style totally changed. lol. Thanks stylist thanks. I have a sudden change in my image that I'm not even feeling I'm myself. Is this good? I feel like life is hinting at me that I should have some form of change.

2 more products added into my life and telling me to be more diligent to take good care of my hair. Oh the trouble of doing more things now lol. For beauty's sake, how can I slack! I better get myself to use up the scalp spray soon too. Oops. (≧▽≦)


Well then, let's see if a month later, will my hair still stay in place. And I think I've got the urge to change my hair again... =D

Cosmos #13 (Cont') | Unspoken thoughts

Let me continue about the past week. I received gifts from a friend days earlier before my day so it was a good one. And I even had a nice surprise on a Friday. I'm glad I have friends who cared, after all. But still, I haven't been able to meet one properly for a whole afternoon meal out and have lengthy chats. It feels like I'm missing out on life. On one hand, I wanna spend more time thinking about what I wanna do, and not waste too much time about socialising since, it didn't help me that much. When you're at this stage of your life, you're probably trying to figure things out badly, and your realised having a few friends is just good enough. The rest that you know of are just acquaintances waiting to see when you can be a laughing stock. The world is a harsh reality. Everyone around just wanna make comparison and see who's the winner. It's an endless game that is so unhealthy which makes you get so sick of life. What's so good about mixing around with people? Fake people? (¬_¬) I'm so tired enough of facing people. Really tire out.

I really hope to have a break or else at best live my simple life in a deserted island without having to worry much. Who cares about the money! Money is the devil! It made us so stressed up about living. I hate to make it a consideration in my life. It's so hard to get everything balanced. Everything needs money it's disgusting. I hate how we have to be bound by it. We are all struggling just to survive. I dislike living in this era. I almost dislike everything now. I hate how helpless I can get. Why are my strengths so limited? Why do I have to lead a life like that? Why do we always have to be bullied? Why do people go for what benefits them and scorn and look down on others so easily? I'm not there to see your face and keep accommodating to your nasty ways. It's so hard to do things when you don't have the position and authority. This world is sick! Humans are the source of problems. I wanna stop having angry thoughts of them which tensed me up so much. How I wished, if I can throw some eggs at some of them to vent. No but it can only appear in my thoughts. (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)


I'm so angry now that I might need to calm down. ⋋_⋌ Okay, let's just see what I've got.

As for these skincare and cosmetics stuffs, I bought them for myself though. Hehe. I was waiting to get something new for myself in a long time! But the drugstore I frequent isn't near me anymore so I have to go to another one in which I'm not a member of at all (wasted). I'm just sad that the essence cosmetics are getting lesser and harder to find. They are good and cheap brand in which I'll recommend. I love using their products and still sticking to it until now. I hope they can be here for a long time and continue doing more. I have been buying their limited editions and I still enjoy it. Made me feel so excited each time. If anyone knows me, you would have known that I'm really a fan of their cosmetics now. haha.

Yes, and time to really sit and think and do more brain exercises whatever about life.

Cosmos #13 | There are things that I wanna abandon

Good grief! Am I back alive to get this blog going?

At some point of time, I would like to stop and have a break. Or just give up altogether.

There are so many things that I wanna achieve, and yet my strengths are so limited.

I am so tired of hanging on and staying the same that I really need to push myself forward for more.

I wonder for the current direction that I am facing was right at all. But if I don't give it a shot, I will never know.

Can't believe, it's just been a while and my typing style has became quite differently. =/


On Thursday, I was kinda in the mood of getting some cosmetics for myself at a drugstore but I was stumbled by surprised where the shop I used to go got shut down and was replaced by something else instead. I was UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED. I knew for sure I shouldn't be heading down to a place intentionally just to get something. You won't know for sure if something 'bad' can happen, like the things you wanna get happened to be out-of-stock, or worse like this - the entire shop isn't around anymore. I thought it must be a mistake. I searched the web for the unit number and obviously it wasn't updated! *I'm so angry* because I walked around the entire floor to search for it. I should have trusted myself instead of wasting time because I went into the drugstore before it's not like I don't know where it is.

I ended up reaching home much later, feeling lost as to what I'm doing. I didn't expect it and I had enough of anything bad because I'm starting to hate my job and the people I face. Everyday it's slowly killing me inside.

Never have I thought this day is coming to me so soon. I'm really exhausted. T_T


When will I be allowed to truly have a break? WHEN?


To lessen my disappointment that day, I went to the Japanese snack store to grab some candies and instant latte. For whatever use. -_-

Have I got any happier?

As you could have guessed, I didn't even touch those 2 yet. I wasn't that enthusiastic anymore.

I need someone to listen to me and let me lead a life of my own.

But what can happen this soon? =(

Cosmos #12 | Time to treat myself right!

So... I know I'm starting not to be blogging as regular as before. Well, things happen and priorities changes each time. While I do miss blogging here, there are times where I feel I have mentioned too much personal things here and I just want a break from it. I have an urge to try other things out and be more motivated than sticking to just here lol. Well for sure, I won't totally abandon this place but just that.... I won't be appearing here that often, maybe. =/

Let's just see what happens for the past weeks. I was irritated with work, again and again. Problems can only come up one after another. And then, this week I was worrying over a customer's request and felt a little guilty that I'm afraid I made the mistake trying to accede to his request. >_< I swear I will not repeat it again and be more careful alright. Other than that?  Co-workers complaining over all sorts of things again and again.

Who can ever feel that there's any morale anymore? -_-

Anyway, unhappy things aside. Just look at what's been making me happy. haha.

^Lovely gifts received from my dearie who went to Japan for holiday! (☆∀☆)

^Got the free Kumamon bag from mosburger for eating their limited edition burger. Oh, but I wasn't the one eating it. lol.

^Time to use the perfume and body lotion/wash after keeping them for so long! I bought the other brand of water gel and it just works as well in keeping my skin moisturised. Just that, it didn't have the feeling as good as Hada lobo though. Now I wonder which one still I stick to using.

Now I have a crazy amount of masks to use! Those are of which I received as gifts again and so I didn't need to buy for long time. hahaa. I really need to use as much as I can since I don't have much space to store them altogether.

Was shopping at Daiso yesterday and there isn't much that I can buy though. But at least I'm glad they have come up with new stocks of Wa styled hair accessories so I bought one scrunchy! I love the hairband I got too! The hairbands that I've bought throughout my life just keeps spoiling for whatsoever reasons! (=ﾟДﾟ=) I hope this one last a bit longer. lol. And there, I feel having the urge to buy more hair accessories and treat my hair much better. I need to make myself look prettier right? There are some I just can't bear to throw away yet. Well I guess I need time to go through them again and once I got better ones I shall just clear time.

Time to treat myself right!!

Cosmos #11 | Mind blank

I had a day off yesterday but it wasn't that well spent since I had no idea what to do other than going to the salon. I went for shopping around the area since I had to travel that far just for the salon trip, so might as well I should just walk around and see what I can get. But alas, there isn't any interesting things around nor on sale. What vexed me is that the small backpacks that I spotted on have to be in black!! All of them! It's annoying that they don't sell in other colours and the clothes around are so appalling. Not a good shopping time. There you go, wasted an hour and a half of walking for nothing. lol.

So this week, what's up with me? I was stunned for a moment when my co-worker pointed out that I seemed to be getting really moody. And she suspected that it might be due to work. I was taken aback for the sudden comment to come when there's only both of us in the room. Damn, did I reveal myself too easily? Am I really that obvious and unable to hide my thoughts? I shook her off saying I have no idea whatsoever. But her response seems like she might not believe. But, WHATEVER. I don't care what she thinks. She has too much to complain and be poky about anyway. I had enough of that. What's even making me down is that manager has to complain to me about them. They complain about each other at me. Why do I have to be the one to absorb the negative energy? I had enough too. But can I complain about them? Noooo!! Why should I turn myself to be like them? Yeah but I really need a place to vent out my frustration and dissatisfaction too since it's been making me feel a lot worse and  as time goes, it made me dislike my job even more.(T ^ T)

Yeah, there shouldn't be any problem with me. The problem is not with me but the people who worked too long to abuse their authority. I hate that I have to blamed for something while the seniors won't be. Well there could be unfairness everywhere isn't it? But the fact that this constant bearing is gonna take a toll on me. (┯_┯)

Maybe it was for the fact that I have to go through such nonsense for the past working days that made my mind blank. I have no idea what I can do about it. I just don't feel like appearing for work anymore. I felt so dreaded to work that I've been late for the whole of this week. I wonder did anyone noticed. I was unmotivated. And unhappy too. There's another thing which brings my concern is that even my hairstylist told me that I looked really pale yesterday and thought that I might be too stressed from work. Damn I got a shock when I hear this from her! It must be obvious how bad I looked like that made her think that way right? I didn't know it reflected so much on my face. Although I just got recovered but shouldn't I be looking better? Since my throat was much much better now.  (・・;) I was also tired yesterday even though I did nothing else before I went out. Well... one thing for sure is that, I'M REALLY UNHAPPY.

Did talking about this right now helps at all? I can't leave because I need the money to support the family. It's tough since I have to bear it all because of obligations. So it makes me really unhappy that I cannot do something I like at all but to always do a job for the sake of the money. I'm really tired out. If this is carrying on any further I think I will be ruined. Why do I have to be the one? Who cares about me? Somehow this world is just shit.

I know there's too much negativity here. But I still need my place to at least cry my heart out. Whether or not I feel better. Whether or not things get better. At least I did something today.

And know what, I had the worst buffet ever in my whole life today. The only decent food that I can eat is salad. So not worth to be there at a buffet restaurant. But seriously the food sucks like hell. Nothing is working for me now.


So let me cry at the end of this tonight. Just before I go to bed.

~( ´•︵•` )~

Self evaluation: Personality checklist

I was flipping through my files and found this piece of paper around, which was actually part of a notes from school about 10 years ago. lol. Here I am looking at the points again and noticed that I have seen myself differently compared to back then. I feel great to know that I have grown! (≧▽≦) Since I'm trying to know myself better, I guess it would be nice for me to note them on my blog as well. +.*☆( ˘ω˘ )☆*.+

Attributes - Present - (Past) - Thoughts
01. Aggressive → Moderate → (Not very) : How forceful can one be?
02. Ambitious → Not very → (Very) : LOL!!
03. Analytical → Not really → (Not very) : Very much the same 
04. Articulate → Kinda, I think I've improved in some way? → (Moderate) : I didn't think so about my past-self now! I thought I was much worse back then.. O_O
05. Assertive → Not that into it now at work → (Moderate) : Omg. Is this a problem?
06. Cheerful → Yes → (Moderate) : But then I think it depends on who I'm facing.
07. Competitive → NOT AT ALL → (Moderate) : I think in the past I can't bring to see myself lose, especially when it comes to grades.
08. Confident → Oh yes~ Well I'm still working on it though. → Not very: This is true though. My self-esteem was low as a teen. 
09. Conscientious → Yes definitely okay! → (Very) : yeah I still maintain it.
10. Cooperative → Yes! And I like to be guided of what is expected of me and what exactly I should do. → (Moderate) : Just don't make use of me and order me about.
11. Creative → Nope. → (Not very) : Ahhh this is so me. lol. 
12. Dependable → Yes! You can entrust the things to me and I will do it well! That is, of course when it's something that I know of. → (Very) : Anyone who knows me will know me for it hehe. 
13. Efficient → Yes!! → (Moderate) : I wasn't really sure if I really know how to make good use of my time at those times. But homework? I'll sure get them completed on time. 
14. Energetic → I'm even unsure of this now. (・・;) I'm always tired! → (Not very): And since I aged, my body gets even more lethargic if I spend the whole day out. Then I need a day of rest at least to recuperate. 
15. Enthusiastic → Yes but I have more for the things I'm interested in. → (Moderate) : I guess I was even more not so enthusiastic back then since I did little. haha.
16. Friendly → Not so, unless with people I know of. → (Moderate) : I have classmates who said that I am easy to get along with. But as I grow, I don't like to get friendly with anybody else. Who knows what those freaking strangers are up to and whether they are cheats? Don't come too close to me!
17. Industrious → Yeah I am. I always do my best. → (Moderate) : Why did I think that? Oh I was too hardworking at one point and then it drove me nuts so I lax more for the next few years.  Cos I didn't know where I was going and why do I have to work so hard for nothing... 
18. Logical → Coming up with solutions? Not my kind though. → (Not very) : I can't helped it that I'm not a problem solver. It's not as though it's an easy thing, if a solution doesn't work then what's the solution for?  Especially if an unexpected problem strikes when you're unprepared. I think it depends on your flexes how fast you can react with a smart brain, which is what I'm lacking of till now. lol.
19. Loyal → Maybe? haha. → (Not very) : It depends on how happy you are with the environment and the people too. 
20. Optimistic → Yes, better than before. → (Not very) : Because I'm afraid and worry too much about what has yet to come. Life is scary.
21. Persevering → Undaunted by setbacks? Who doesn't? It still depends on what you're facing too. There's also a tolerance limit to how much we can take. → (Moderate) : Ahh this one is true, back then I persevered at my co-curricular activity even when it turned out bad for everyone. Well, when it comes to jobs, it's even tougher to leave and get away when there's more obligations and the need for money.
22. Poised → On the outside, "yeah". On the inside, "damn, what should I do?! This sucks!!" → (Not very) : Yeah right, till now I don't expose certain emotions to people. I will try to make myself look calm before any action. 
23. Precise → Perfection? I'll only do my best. → (Very) : I was too much into perfection back then so I wanted everything to be at it's top best for me. But nope, I'm not going for it now. So long as things are over 80% in proper that's good enough for me. I don't expect so much. 
24. Self controlled → I hardly have any anger shown. Even if I'm angry, I boil inside. lol. Unless it's too much too unreasonable. → (Moderate) : Yeah I haven't show this side of me to others. I wished I can so that people will be afraid of me. HAHAHA 
25. Sincere → Oh yes for sure → (Moderate) :This deepens as I age. hehe. 
26. Tactful → Hmm maybe I am.. → (Not very) : I'm even not good at handling situations when I was younger. lol. 
27. Understanding → yeah I am. But sometimes I wonder what's the point when no one is understanding for me. Life is unfair. → (Moderate) : I need to get a grip of this. Hmph!


Wow what a long list that I've gone through! Look at me now, I'm talking so much lately. I wouldn't even dare to say a thing of my mind as a teen. Sometimes I really hate to think about it, that my past leaves me helpless. But since I got better, I don't hate myself that much anymore.

That's what growing is about, right? =)

5 things I can't live without

1. Trash bin → I always have things to discard.
2. Soap → I can't let myself feel unclean.
3. Bread → Food actually. But if I have to only pick a staple, I'll rather bread than rice. But it must be delicious bread so that I can swallow. xD
4. Water of course → Can't be dehydrated and can't afford to let my throat suffer again. =(
5. TV! → I can forego all sorts of leisure entertainment but not TV! It's what I grew up with and you can say it's my playmate? Hard for me to let go. haha. 

I'm being random alright. But I just thought of it. If I were to be on a deserted island, I'll definitely not be able to survive cos I don't know how to live without everything that I have. I'm surely not a survivor lol. But I don't care. Why should I try so hard to live in that kind of environment?  If there is no food or water around, I'll find a corner space that I feel safe and I'll slowly just let my life vanish. In a peaceful manner without food. It's better than walking around in danger and having to fight any beast or getting bitten by insects or falling into traps. I have no idea how anybody can do it. When I watch such scenes on TV I would panic and stick my eyes to it to see how they would survive. I don't know how does the urge for survival could make them so strong and bear with all that....pain? Does bravery just come when you are left with nothing? I doubt it will happen to me though. I can't face it. The first thing I'll do most probably is to cry. lol.

Okay then, I think my list of 5 things doesn't seem to be right since I said I can't live without everything. But if I can choose the top 5 only, it might be those. But then again, life would be kinda meaningless without everything else. So what's the point of living? (・_・)

Oh well, now let me throw some waste away then. *sneeze* 

Cosmos #10 | on the road to recovery

It's been a sick week. (,_,)

Well last Saturday I managed to do a little update despite that I wasn't feeling well. My throat got more painful as the days go by, the most painful time being at night on Sunday. It was sooooo painful that I couldn't sleep! Eveytime I drink or swallow food or anything, it hurts like mad!! It was definitely the first time for me to bear with such a pain in my throat! I think I experienced such a virus attack on me like every year if I'm not wrong. But this time it was the most horrible since I have to be on sick leave for 2 days cos of this pain. Although after that I'm still not recovered but at least better to be outside. I remember 3 years ago I had a terrible sore throat too and also cough which lasted a month? That's because I didn't consult the doctor and self-cure at home since I wasn't working anyway. lol. That is bad in itself. But this time it is more damaging than I thought. It actually hurt more than what hurt back then. It even changed my tastebuds which affected my appetite yesterday at lunch. I totally can't bring myself to finish the food. For this entire week, I've wasted a lot of food because of it. But I don't wish to!! I really can't bring myself to eat them anymore or else I might puke at any time. I'm really really deeply sadden for what has happened to my body. It could be the medicines that brought me this. I completed the ones for inflammation and pain but antibiotics is something that I cannot stick to though. I've stopped after 3 days of dosage. I have been feeling the discomfort in my stomach at night as well. How can I continue anymore when I felt so horrible for so long? The medicines didn't seem to be working. And also, most throat pains are caused by virus and therefore antibiotics won't work against them isn't it? I mean, I really had enough of this torture for the whole week. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ

Now that it has transformed into phlegm and making my voice a little weird. (-_-) Okay, but at least the pain has gone. God bless! At least I can talk like normal again. It's actually such a blessing to talk normally and eat food with flavour. Trust me, this little things in life that we never consider to be significant is actually a blessing in itself. I am thankful that I felt better after a whole week of torture. (´；Д；｀)

Yeah then it leaves me thinking that this year certainly begins as a huge ass for me. Why is it such a rockery road during such a short period of time in 3 months? I'm also beginning to be dissatisfied with my current job now cos my manager keeps throwing things at me to do when she can settle them herself. And keep using the length of my employment as the dumb reason that I should be able to do the work. What an asshole when she worked even longer than me. My coworker is also dissatisfied with her and complains whenever she's not around. It's nasty to have someone who makes things that aren't your business to be your business. Dumb ass why should we care about every single thing when it is not of our concern or responsibility? And not to mention, she has been very fake (all along) at not just praising people but also (began) offer her help but in the end the work is thrown to me. Bravo. That's how she resort to handle things right now. (¬_¬)

Is this a little late for me to mention my dissatisfaction? I've already tried to be wary of her and I know not to be too nice to trust her since when I just got in, she actually put the blame on me when talking to the customer when I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON. I was totally clueless since I just took over the job and not familiar with everything. But she was indeed quick enough to blame me since I was new. Instead when she could have checked first. It has already left a mark in me since the incident. And she did threaten to say to me (when it's just the both of us) that she will not let me stay if I didn't perform well since I took a longer time to complete the tasks. But hey, I was willing to spend more time and OT just for the sake of completing. Why didn't anyone see my efforts? ⋋_⋌

Maybe it's time. The time will come anyway. I know not everyone is perfect but there's a limit to anyone's tolerance. It's better to keep away from toxic people before they destroy you. And especially when you know where you stand, when there isn't any chances of you going ahead in the same place.

 
How I hope I can make things messed up and let her suffer one day. HAHAHA. Well, that said....I hate to continue talking about her actually. LOL.

Now let's zoom into what I've got before I was sick. I even went for a long walk on a sunny day with my precious friend. And hanging out at the museum for so long and did a little shopping. I bought myself rubber stamps of Jinbeisan cos it's so cute!!! Although this was expensive and not necessary at all but I can't stop myself at the sight of this!! Rubber stamps have always been my favourite and I thought I have to be nice to myself sometimes. I didn't regret this at all!! And what's with me into blue right? I even got a blue highlighter along with it. hahaa.

And during that week I thought of experimenting my eyebrows by drawing them on and see if it's better. Oh yes indeed it is! Look at the difference on my left one! No wonder girls are into drawing their brows before they go out. I can't believe that's how the difference is especially when taking photos. Your face really comes off better with nicely shaped brows too. I tried to be more diligent by drawing them on for the week. But then when sickness strikes, I stopped drawing since last week for a week now. (x_x)

Wow, so that's how fast things could change huh.. It's definitely the time for me to think about things more and plan ahead. Most importantly is to get my health back into place. And be more productive. I hope I can do more for myself and not to be too bothered about everything. Bless me I hope things get better as much as my health.


After a storm, I will see the rainbow before me isn't it?

I.will.save.myself.

Smooth hair please!

Ahhh I'm just so bad at handling my hair. (┯_┯)

It's been a month and I think I should talk about my hair condition and keep going at it!

Well, I've bought a new hair conditioner and been using it since last week. It was by far the best one I've used! Although I don't like how it smells [maybe due to vinegar?] but it seems to be effective for me! I like how quick I can leave it for just 1 minute, and the next day I'll have smooth and manageable hair in the morning. I'm impressed! Although I wonder is it really due to the conditioner or that I didn't leave it longer for the previous ones I've used [since they indicate as leave on for 1-3min then rinse]. But on usual weekdays I'm just lazy to do too much when I'm already so tired from work. I should try to do more for myself but tiredness would always stop me from doing more....lol.

One thing to note, my hair stylist did mention to me that I should wash my hair twice at one go. Meaning wash-rinse-wash-rinse. Ah~ I didn't really think of doing that at first. Well you see, this means that I have to do a little more again. But then I do realised that sometimes I feel my hair gave me the feeling that it's still not entirely clean even after washing. So oh...the trick is to wash it again!! But does that work? Again, it could be the shampoo. After I washed the 2nd time with my organic shampoo it'll leave my hair feeling too dry instead. That's what I'm afraid of that will happen. What a struggle. (-_-)

I guess after all when it comes to image [mainly on the hair I supposed], it is costly! You have to be ready to pour your money on it to look good. Hair products are something you will end up spending so much money on. For me, I'm still going little steps at it. I think I have more skincare products that I'm more attentive to and spend on often but it probably isn't so much compared to what I've to spend on my hair. Especially to the salon. If I ever become obsessed with my hair then I guess I have to spend on the tools which is gonna burn my pocket maybe. haha. I don't know what's gonna come though. DO I have to spend that much? Okay, the answer should be it depends how much do I love my hair. HAHAHA.

I don't know why I still feel kinda ache if I ended up spending on something not effective or not worth because every single cent is my hard-earned money. I do cherish and care how and what I have to spend on. Although there are times where I spend just for the sake of spending xD 

Keep working on getting better hair, Yuuka!

Cosmos #09 | just go away!!

I guess right now I shall do a little update.

What's been going on this week? The weather has gone quite bad and in fact so hot and uncomfortable that I got sick with a painful throat now. I wonder if partly it's due to my co-workers already got ill since Monday and I might have got it from them. Or is it the fried chicken lunch we had together on one of the days for lunch? I didn't even feel like having an all meaty meal without a single piece of vegetables but I didn't have a choice when it comes to social obligations. ~( ´•︵•` )~ That's something tough about being in the society. (¬_¬)

Anyway, I think things are finally going good now since I'm starting to get used to alighting at the right stop and more decided of the places for lunch. And I managed to do my work on time although there's still a little pile of papers I haven't yet filed them up. There's lesser mistakes and work has became smoother, much better than the times when the bitch is around. hahaa. I didn't wanna use that word on her but she has vexed me and everyone in the office for over a year. Well everyone is happy that she left anyway. I just don't get why my manager is the only one who wants to speak good of her in front of me only. What is she up to? I don't agree with her thoughts at all. Because if she's stating a fact that's okay but she's more like stating her opinions and praising her in which I don't get her intention at all. Well, who can you trust in the workplace? (x_x) Everyone is acting to be a nice person in front of everyone else...

Not much to say anymore since I'm not really in a productive mood. Especially with this painful throat that's stopping me from having any snacks or fried stuffs as I wanted. All I want now is all the nasty things and people to go away!! And of course I will believe my day will be brighter. 🌤️

Shopping Saturday~ ٩(๑´3｀๑)۶

Had done my happy shopping on Saturday! It was rainy but it doesn't matter since the weather is so unpredictable lately. I'm glad there are so many sales going on!! I bought quite a lot of other stuffs too but I'm only showing a few things here lol. I even got myself 2 pajamas! Since after watching Melodee's night time routine she mentioned the benefits of wearing pajamas to bed to sleep better. Yeah for me to have another thing to spend my money on. (≧▽≦)

Well but now, I'm gonna do review for the products that I've bought some time ago so this goes:

• Fair Fluer loose powder (pink beige) : I am so happy that loose powders are still around and I can find a good one! I don't get why those big brands aren't selling loose powders anymore and even if I can find one from a cheaper brand it's not of that much quality imo. Japanese ones are just so good! Although could be too pinkish for me but I dab only a little on my face so I think it doesn't matter. It has the most sweet smelling rose scent which made me think as though I'm putting bandung on my face. haha. I think I'm pretty satisfied from using this. ❀

• EH pore tightening essence : Honestly, I just can't figure out if those pore essence work or not. I've been sticking to ZA one and I feel it's pretty okay. And both these 2 products are just skincare products that will go into my skin and making me feel better that my pores should be tighten after using them. So is this just for me to console myself? lol. But I have a huge problem with pores so this kind of product is probably something that I will have to stick to for a long long time.

• Hada labo water gel : I'm starting to be impressed with water gel now, cos they seem to be absorbed into my skin fast and leaving my skin really hydrated and comfortable the entire day. I used to stick to ZA moisturizer for many years already but recently last year I began to think I should change my moisturizer cos I don't feel that product is being effective on me anymore. My skin still feels dry after using which is weird!! Well I think it's also probably got to do with age so I need a better product for my skin this time. And indeed! I didn't regret buying this water gel cos it works so well. Just that I don't like to dip in to get the product. I'll rather pour cos it'll be more hygienic. But it has got to do with the product viscosity so that's why they'll package it that way? But how about press pumps? That would be a better way though.

Yeah I'm done with this and I still wanna do more shopping!!!  (・∪・)

Life has to be worth living by being happy each day.✨

What a coincidence! During this week, I was feeling down from work. Too many things happened lately especially with people who keep coming and going. It's just tiring to deal with different people from time to time and also customers with stupid demands that makes no sense. This all made me find work to be meaningless now. What I'm doing now is just for the sake of getting the pay and nothing else. Since I know there won't be a chance for me to learn more and progress but instead be thrown to cover shitty things in the future who knows. I don't really have a good feeling about it anymore. I'm really getting so tired from all the crap to face cos I always have to do double work. And things that can be solved by others they rather throw to me and then back to them. What's the problem with them huh? Or can I say the work process is just dumbass? What if I messed up the work cos I'm unsure? Yeah that might ended up that my co-workers will be angry with me cos they'll have to do the correction which means they'll have to deal with double work. But why am I the one to bear with it just because I'm the most junior. Fuuu~~!! But then, I'm angry with them in the first place because no one is passing instructions properly. It made me almost making a mistake which might be huge. I really wanna give them a tight slap on the face cos they like to push work about and always throw this sentence "You should ask." YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SHOULD TELL!! Who the fuck knows what you're thinking and what's right. How would I know what are the right questions to ask? Will you always answer me with patience? [Mostly, is no] Is it so difficult to give proper instruction than assume? How can you compare me with you who've worked for mushroom years? You know better but you rather sit and wait for others [me] to know what you want and do it for you. Damn, just damn!!! I'm getting so pissed with the people here. ⋋_⋌

Back to talking about meaningless. Came across that while watching a tv show at night, where the 2 characters are talking about whether life is meaningless to deal with someone who angers you and shorten your life. They're talking about a family member though, and whether she should just divorce the man, but she didn't care about what's meaningful or meaningless or not and just lead her life like this. That sounds like a loser isn't it? Why should you torture yourself and making him living off you, unless you still have the love for him. But no, they didn't even talk anything about love. I wonder is it about the responsibility she can't give up or she's just lazy to think how to improve her life. Either that we all have a choice to make, but there are people like her who are sticking with the bad ones. I just don't get it. Why do you wanna care what others think when you don't owe them a living? There's nothing wrong even if you divorce at any age, be it in your 50s. What's so ashamed about it? It's more shameful if you let people to pull you and direct your life instead of yourself even at that age. You should live a life that makes you happy, not troubled. I just don't understand her thoughts...  (¬_¬)

Okay, it's only a drama character but somehow I got affected by it lol. Well I was thinking of it in terms of my job. I'm not totally unhappy though, since I've been too used to comparing it with my previous job which was much worse. I do cherish this current one that I'm having that's why I'm always doing my best each day. But on one hand, I think those people are taking me for granted. Bet that in their minds they think I won't leave. But I will, cos I know for sure this is not the place for me to get by forever. I don't wanna get stuck. I just need to find the right time to go and be prepared for it. I'm afraid that I'll end up really getting unhappier each day until it was too obvious that everyone knows I'm gonna leave? I wanna give a shocking surprise instead. HAHAHA. Yeah I'm just dreaming but hey that day might come.....

So to the part about coincidence! I wanted to read books that would prepare me for it! And it so happens that I found those good books related to jobs that were on sale yesterday. It was such a great deal!! I'm happy for this! (⌒‐⌒) I'm so gonna finish up those books and talk about it. LIFE HAS TO BE WORTH LIVING BY BEING HAPPY EACH DAY. ~[This quote is by me. ヽ(・∀・)ノ]

Yeah I guess I do vent enough by saying so much earlier on. My reading last month was this Chinese book on independence. How a woman should be independent herself.

Well, because the mountains will fall and the people will leave, so depending on yourself is the best thing ever!

But this book doesn't give a lot of useful pointers on how to be independent. The content are mostly stories heard by the author and so she's giving us real-life examples of what some women faced. And so the conclusion is that we shouldn't depend on others but ourselves cos life will be better this way!!

Oh well, anyway I did a little quiz few days ago for the fun of it and realised it's true that I still depend on a lot of people in my life and it seems that I can't get away with it. Is reliance a bad thing? I don't know how can I get away for now when it's pretty good so far. There's just so much to do for being independent. The burden on the shoulders seem to sink a lot. lol. I guess the only way that will force me to not rely on others is when there's someone who will need to depend on me. That if I wasn't around things won't work and the world will end. (;・・) Well, that is, if indeed there is someone who needs me a lot. If not, my life will probably still be.....


Even alone, life can still be good.

But who knows what the future will bring?

Having confidence

I'm happy to see Jenn Im making a video about confidence! She has always give me the impression of being confident with herself that I tend to look up to her in all sorts of ways especially in expressing myself.  So I guess many of her viewers think the same way as I do, until that she receives so many comments to do a video about this. Just sadly I didn't participate in asking her to do such advice videos for us. haha.




Well then at least to hear from Jenn that she have her insecurities even right now just that it didn't consume her that much. It made me feel she also human and not faking too much at how great she is now. (^o^) I hope her tips will help me in some way too.

Let me note down her 5 life lessons~: 
01. Stop judging other people - People who talks bad about others are usually the ones who are insecure about themselves.
02. Look straight ahead when walking in public - Ignore having eye contact with random strangers and just walk your way.
03. Listen to a badass playlist - Music has a huge impact in your life. Stuff that makes your heart pound and confident.
04. Stretch yourself - It will hurt a little but it's the way that you grow. Stop avoiding stuffs that you don't wanna do. The more you do something, the easier it becomes.
05. You will grow into who you are as long as you absorb - NOW is the time to develop your interest, because that is gonna shape who you are.


I think the most crucial about confidence is able to identify and understand yourself, and show the world who you are. Easier said than done. lol. It's something that I'm still working on although I'm pretty much sure of myself what I'm good at and what I like to do. But probably about 60%. (・_・) I'm cool I can come up with this magical number as of now. hahaa.


Let's see if her tips do work for me or not. I might have my own ways somehow or other. This lagger is just gonna take her time~~ ♪(^ε^)-☆

Cosmos #08 | Have every reason to be happy!

Yeah I'm probably getting back on track!! For this week especially, my co-workers were commenting that I looked really happy and they thought there might be nice things that happened to me that made me felt that way. And I was told to share good news with them if I have any. LOL. Well, there's nothing more happening these days, I just feel contented with the way things are now. I'm happy with my life. I'm glad that I can enjoy whatever I want at this moment at my own pace. Things have been peaceful and good. And listening to my favourite Kpop group now actually made me happy because of them. Every bit of them. ♥ That's just every reason that I should be happy with. ^_^

I got myself pumped up by doing my colouring which I wanted to complete a page in a long time! I took 2 days over the last weekend to get it done. Strangely, I just have the mood to slowly colour at every detail, but you know such things really require the mood. (・・;) Probably because I have the strong urge to at least complete a page for myself so that I can be proud of it. haha.

Wow really, I felt it was an achievement after I got it done! Since I couldn't draw well, colouring might be the second to it that I can do the most. I felt it was a little pity cos I love to draw when I was little. But I know I didn't have the talent as I grew older. Sometimes I do have the itch to draw my favourite idols in cute anime form but I really lack of the creativity and the skill. I don't know where to start with. I used to try to draw an anime character Cardcaptor Sakura during my tertiary school days. I had the whole picture as a reference. I tried my very best to draw but it looked weird to me and I can't say why. Until I showed to a friend and she told me immediately that I got the proportions wrong. The whole thing was an ugly disaster! I actually ruined it! (;´д｀)

From then on, I think it's best that I'll not draw anymore cos I just don't know how and it might make me even more upset if I didn't get it right. I have thoughts of getting how-to-draw books but I can't make myself go through every steps and be patient with it. [The thought of having to spend hours at drawing turns me off. lol.] Well it's not as if I have to be good at it, so it didn't mattered to me that I didn't carry on anymore. I just don't feel like wasting my time on something that I know for sure that I won't excel in it no matter what. Artists themselves are people who really know how to draw without being taught! All they need is just a pen and paper and they can draw perfect lines and shapes. BUT I CAN'T. I need all sorts of tools like ruler, flexible ruler and pencil so that I can keep erasing any off points but artists don't need to! Maybe practice does help but I don't have what it takes. lol. Patience and mood for art is what I'm lacking. But one thing for sure, I do know how to appreciate art for all the effort. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

Whatever with this childhood dream of mine being an artist, I don't care about it anymore. Colouring attracts me better since I don't have to think so much and be mindful with proportions. All I have to do is filling in with colours! Such an easy tasks which relives my stress as well. Haha. Anyway I noticed adult colouring fad may seem to die down a little down and calligraphy seems to be the new thing. Those brush pens does capture my eyes too! Especially with so many colours!! Well I didn't say I'm into it now since I'm a lagger. But I think I'm more interested in Chinese words than English words for now. All the strokes are gonna confuse my mind. So yeah, not at this moment as I need to let my mind off not thinking about anything difficult. lol. But how, should I even attempt at trying something new?  ^_^;

Okay, as a way to push myself a little further, I decided to name this 'project' as Zekkai [絶界: reference from B-T song] So every time when I accomplish something, I will up myself one level. Then this will make me wanna go ahead to do more and be better! How many levels will there be then? Well, no idea! Maybe it's infinite so that there's always room for me to get better. hahaa. What a way to get myself moving. Since I managed to post a lyric - ONE and done my colouring - TWO, so I'm at Zekkai Stage 2!! YEAH~~ I'm still at such a low stage. (>ω<) Let me complete something else so that I can go stage 3. HAHAHA. (≧▽≦)


Now for a little precious thing I wanna mention. I got this Sensu which is so Kagrra-ish!!! I was so happy yesterday that a little shopping made me so delighted at getting something which is so useful for me now.

LOOK AT IT ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

I can proudly wave this fan about while I'm outside and secretly feeling happy in a sense that I'm showing the world I'm a Kagrra, fan. Well, nobody knows my motive but I don't care!! It's Chikai no Tsuki or Omou or whatever you can think of because of that moon. It's isshi's love to me. ヾ(*´∀｀*)ﾉ ♥♡♥♡

I have the self-love, the thing which I should never forget.

When I'm unmotivated...

I just have to remind myself how much I deserve some rest before I can do better...  But I just don't have the mood. My stomach keeps playing games with me and fooling with my brain. I don't wanna do anything else when I just can't move! My brain is not cooperating with my heart either. Nothing can ever get done..... Or is that so? 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・


Probably once every few moments I get myself to look up at "How to be motivated" but I wasn't totally in to reading everything from the webpage so hahaha. This is what my mood is doing to me. Although I used to post something about motivation before but it's something different since I'm taking it off from the diet part.

Right now I'm kinda on the way to pick myself up again. Probably I've felt better from settling most of the things from work so nothing big is weighing on my shoulders as much as before. Maybe because I get to eat a favourite dish of mine - the Scallop miso cream pasta and yummy Earl grey milk pudding that's melting in my mouth. ♡ Maybe because I discovered a new short anime and it made me happy again. I am happy for little bits of things that I came across in my everyday life, which made me feel I didn't live so bad. haha. So... how bad can this be? Just because I wasn't productive enough to do all the things I wanted to? Aren't they supposed to be done leisurely in a relaxing manner and not pushing myself too hard? Isn't this true?

So the answers should be.... 

● Stay positive no matter what. Things will get better.
● I have many idols I look up to lol. But my focus right now is on myself rather than spending too much time on envying how great their life is etc. So what I should learn and remind myself constantly is their attitude and what they're doing.
● Yes I should learn to make things fun!! Always think of how I can make an activity like studying a pleasure. A music? A treat? Shopping time? (≧▽≦)
● Maybe I should do some meditate to clear my mind of everything too.
● I think try something new should also be on the list.
● Getting excited and having anticipation for the end result should also be as important.
● And always smile by looking at smiling photos of my favourite idols or those I love cos that will up my mood level.


Well then, I should be motivated after this.

Especially after seeing those smiles. =)

Never never to forget what's keeping me moving and how it all get me started. ლ

Better hair this time ^_^

Yeah time for an update on my hair! Last Saturday was the forth time that I went to the salon for scalp treatment. Oops but I wasn't that diligent in using the scalp spray everyday though as times goes by. (>ω<) But at least this time my hairstylist commented lesser oily scalp than before [compared to the first time when she saw my condition] although the dead skin was found to be rather thick? O_O Anyway the hairstylist that I usually go to for the past 3 times wasn't around anymore so I'm back to my original hairstylist so hmm I hope it was good? She gave me a harder massage than a relaxing one and I was afraid that she didn't really know my scalp progress but can only compare it to the first time she saw me. But whatever, I guess. At least she still provides me with the good service except that I wished she could have been more focused on me. But it was a weekend so they were all busy and it didn't turn out super satisfactory for me. It all actually took 2hours 15 mins which is the longest time ever that I'm at in this salon. lol. I mind about it just a little, so next time I probably should always be going on weekdays instead. Yeah for such pampering session. lol.

The other thing I bought on my third session was the scalp shampoo. I can't believe that this was actually good! Damn are we consumers just can't be able to buy the right shampoo for ourselves at the store or are the shampoos sold out there are actually that bad for us? I've no idea what's the issue. The thing is, this is the best shampoo so far that I've used! It even leaves my hair feeling so soft I don't know what is this magic!!  I didn't think much about it at first it cost $38 which is more expensive than usual shampoos but after I used my current organic shampoo, everytime I just feel it left my hair kinda dry and the scalp still feels kinda oily or something. Then I must have a bad hair day the next day no matter how I comb it. (¬_¬) It's such a hassle to maintain nice hair!! Well this new shampoo helps a bit, but I'm still bad at blow drying it so it won't be that straight as what my hairstylist is able to do. I'm guilty of it. But I don't have awesome hands so I won't care about it that much still. (x_x) Since I have to return to the salon every month so my hair will still be taken care of and looks good for....a day or two at least?  (≧▽≦) Better than nothing. And I've been taking selfies of my hair everytime after it. This is at least something nice right? hahaha.

Well, it's been months since I started on the scalp treatment so I'm glad for the improvement. I do noticed lesser hair fall than before, although there was once I combed out a few strands lumped together while in the office. (・_・)  I was shocked when I saw it that time, and there was the other time it happened at home too. I guess my hair fall is still quite a problem especially during shampooing my hairstylist still see my hair coming off quite a bit. I'm so scared!!!  ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ Okay, but this reminds me that I have to probably do some head massage for myself regularly at home in addition to this. Can't possibly depend everything on the hairstylist for me right. I must make myself take better care of my hair too!! Ahhhhh!!!!

Yeah, and next time when I update on my hair again, hopefully is much better than now. Bless me!

Cosmos #07 | What's with my mood?

It was probably quite an empty week for me. I don't think I've done much, or anything productive that I feel proud of this time. I tried doing some colouring on Tues cos after I watched some colour pens drawing video appearing on my feed my heart twitched a little. I thought I got the mood to do something really nice this time and yeah I should colour the page and enhance my mood, but it didn't last long. I coloured only 3 pieces of small leaves and 2 small flowers AND I'M DONE. I can't continue anymore. All I want to do after work is to forget about everything else and just watch the TV. TV has always been my kind of therapy at home to make me not able to think of anything else except staring at the screen and see what happens. I don't need to do a thing unlike the computer. So I've just stayed this way for the whole week. What am I to do? I don't have the mood or enthusiasm to do the things I like. My mood is dampened for unknown reasons. Maybe because of Mr Stomach torturing me from time to time and not knowing what's wrong with it. I even lost my appetite on Saturday. It's quite a pain that I can't bring myself to eat but my stomach just keep grumbling empty. It's enough to make me a stone not wanting to do a thing. I hate how it turns out. And I've got no idea how to bring my mood back when I don't even have the mood to look at how to bring my mood back. UGH. (｡-_-｡)

Okay, it's not totally bad though. Have made myself post a damn long ass lyric to feel better and bought something while I'm out. So what have I done?  =/

^ Chocos are supposed to make me happy right? I got orange dark choco which is the combination of my both favourites! This brand is damn good it's soft as a choco and the orange taste is on point. I've yet to try the new Kit Kat but yeah my mood was better only for a while after I ate the orange one. >_<

^ I'm glad for a sale going on at the beauty store! 2 boxes of facial masks and a pair of hand mask and a loose powder!!! I'm curious of how the hand mask will make my hands turn out to be. Let me post about it when I get myself to use it! hehehe.

Well but this..... was just something I got because I wanna spend my money. What an ass I am hahaha. They are probably only for decoration purpose and not that it'll really help to make wishes come true but whatever. I'm consoling myself in this way that at least I grab something that would make me feel better to have something good with me. LOL. What else? V-day is coming and I should feel loved in some way. In my own way. (´へεへ`*)

Since another week has to come, let me have another fresh start again. I will do my best. And not to forget all the things that I've wanted to do badly. ❦