My Best Fans ~2015

Just wanna post something that has been in my draft box for so long. I need to clear lots of those from there. lol.

Here I am to be so proud to announce my best fan is also my best buddy Shua whom I've known the longest! Come to think of it, he's my first online friend if I'm not wrong. I don't really have a good brain in remembering things [which is why I have to constantly write things down] but I do have the impression that I don't know anyone else before him and could chat for so long. This is one cool thing that has ever happened to me this far. I treasure this guy so much and talking to him everyday is so fun. (//∇//) It's already part of my life.  I can't imagine how next year's gonna be like when he's gonna be so busy with his working life. I'll miss u so much! (┯_┯)

Something else kinda related. Sword Art Online is the anime that Shua has recommended to me and I've watched it months ago but stopped since the uploader's account got taken down. =( This story is quite sad to begin with but yet I watched it cos I wanna know how things developed. But then I have a friend who told me that she can't even take the story cos it was too sad! I wonder should I stop too but I guess I am stopping it since I don't wanna watch something sad which will affect my mood. As u know, I get affected by shows quite easily. Although it's a pity that I would give this up cos I like their art and costume in the virtual world!

I love this couple a lot too at this part where they got married to each other. That was so sweet. (*´▽｀*) If only they could live happily ever after but it wasn't the real world afterall...

Somehow the virtual world is quite an ideal place, don't you think? At least, you could really live in the peace you want without fretting over and dealing with so many things in the real life. Every day could be the same but it's more enjoyable. But here, there's so many things to be worried of. And then we age, regret and die..... What are we here for? I've always wondered. I wanna find the answer too.

Anyway, something I learned from this anime: I'll rather trust and regret than doubt and regret.

Belief is indeed something we can't live without.

Probably there's more to my life and I'll be searching for it too. Hopefully I'll understand why. （＞０＜）


Just remember I'll still be here for you, buddy!

Anime: Dance with Devils

Dance with Devils [12 episodes] → Probably for the first time I'm watching an anime that is currently airing. What attracted me to watch is that it's a reverse harem type which I'm interested in. Somehow I was hoping it to be funny but that's not totally the case though. How can I expect every reverse harem to be as funny as Brothers conflict?! But that anime was so good that I end up feeling like that. hehe (・・;)

Anyway. I'm just done with the last episode on Saturday and wasn't that satisfied with it. Somehow I don't get it. Suddenly Ritsuka ended up able to find the vampire king's heart and stab it. Presumably that it was Azuna that led her when she saw that dagger? Okay, fine.. and then the grimoire is just gone like that? And she didn't die afterall. How does this explain?? It seemed too abrupt for me to digest all that has happened.  =/

And then came the scene where Rem and Ritsuka confessed to each other. Gosh I love this couple, but then they did not end up together!! WHY!! WHY IS THIS THE ENDING? LOOK AT HOW LOVELY THE HUG IS. WHY ENDED UP THEY LIVE SEPARATELY IN THEIR OWN WORLDS? ⋋_⋌

Probably it's just me. But really, what's the point of a confession if you both don't end up together?? I don't like that. I mean if by circumstances they couldn't be together I can accept it. But Ritsuka!! She chose to lead her damn normal human life than being with Rem. She isn't a normal human in the first place. She still has that devil blood in her for goodness sake. BUT YET SHE CHOSE NOT TO BE WITH HIM! She does have a choice, you see. Now it makes me more sad than angry actually. Although she has already made me mad at episode 4 for leaving the house and got her brother hurt cos of that. I've got nothing else to say. She's the heroine afterall. And whatever she does has to be wrong and we have to accept it. Can I get enough of such animes? I shouldn't be pinning hopes on this since it isn't a romance type of anime afterall. (T ^ T)

Why can't they let the prince and princess together? Anime isn't real anyway, why did they make the ending so realistic? There isn't any nice surprises. =(

Look at this heartbreaking scene where Rem is gone with them kissing....  (´；Д；｀) I guess this is also what other anime fans are feeling now like me when I glance through the comments.

ARRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

There u go, your damn plain normal life that you want. IF you choose to lead this life, I'd rather you confess to Lindo and be with him instead. That's a better ending imo. Since he has done so much for you too. You're choosing the wrong things, dumb Ritsuka. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ


Overall I can say that this anime is something you can expected of how the story goes. In fact I should have known since she keep emphasizing she wanna live like a normal human cos her life changed so much ever since everyone was hunting for the grimoire when she turned 17. And yeah so happens she is the grimoire that everyone is searching for. (-_-)  I expected that she'll chose Rem and indeed. lol. Well, I like the character Rem since the first episode so it's actually got nothing to do with how the story goes. One other thing that is a bit off is when the characters started singing suddenly in every episode. I keep forgetting that this is a musical anime so there's bound to be such singing scenes coming. But damn, it was awkward enough. When I got so excited to see 2 guys fighting, they ended up singing to each other as the 'fight'. Something different from the usual anime for this only I supposed. Didn't turn out to be as exciting as I would like. haha.


Alrights, here comes the question: Should I continue any other reverse animes or stop? (ーー゛)

Merry Xmas and to the new year~~!

Ahhh chooooooo!!!!! I woke up today with a flu and a really dry throat! I'm not sure what causes it though. I had Onigiri and one small sushi for dinner, along with my choco soymilk. I didn't expect to fall sick the next day. I had so much rest yesterday I'm supposed to be feeling really awesome. But why now...? Argh see this is how annoying my body is. I'll never understand it. But nevertheless, Xmas was fun! I'm glad I can do useful shopping on the eve and then eat so much like a glutton on Xmas day. haha. But I spent a lot indeed. Hope it's all worth so long as I'm happy. I feel as though I haven't done something like that for a long time! December is really the best month of the year. lol.

Now I hope my New year's eve will turn out nice too. (^_^;)

Some of the things I got for myself~ I wanted to get another CC cream to try and bought this one because it was on sale. lol. It's really cheap but it felt quite oily like the Revlon one that I've used and regretted the last time. It wasn't that bad though, but not something that I would like. I felt relieved that I got it at a cheaper price rather than at usual price. This brand has already made me think that their cosmetics [BB and CC cream] just doesn't make the mark but their skincare is probably better. I felt the same towards all the Korean products that I've used. Conclusion: Their skincare is better than their cosmetics products. Just splurge on skincare and you'll be safe. lol.

I got this limited edition blush cos I just feel like getting a second one! I think the color doesn't show that obvious like the Daiso blush I had earlier. It probably has more shimmer than color. But I'm still happy. =) Maybe cos it makes me look younger! Yeah, totally reminds me of the comment I left at Felicia's channel. xD

Some last minute shopping I did on Wednesday!! I'm glad it was useful. It wasn't something I've planned at all. lol. Managed to give bracelet, card and that chocolate I've packed to my fren I'm going out with for the first time as a little gift for Xmas. Happy to hear that I'm a thoughtful person. hahaha. I am indeed! (*^◯^*) I like to give handwritten cards to my frens. Makes my gift looks sincere and I could decorate with stickers and stamps and use my color pens! Why but not many people like to do such these days. This is fun to me too. haha. 


And for my serious resolution next year, I bought this hair tonic!! Since my fren recommended that this brand products is really good. I've already started using my hair mask yesterday and the smell is great! For the first time I can have sweet smelling hair the entire day till the next!! lol. Anyway I shall begin my hair treatment next week. Hope it turns out good. I will take better care of my body and not be lazy and undetermined like before. Oops. (；´Д｀)

Yeah lastly, is the Japanese books I bought from a fren months ago!! I need to get myself into it once again. Studying Japanese using Japanese is kinda tough, but I think I'll manage to get it anyway. This level is no joke! Without a Sensei it'll probably be harder for me but I believe I can!! For the sake of myself and isshi-sama, I will definitely master Japanese well. That's what I wanted to do most!! I need to carry on his legacy of lyric writing. I've already regarded this as my calling. Probably sounded too exaggerated but it's something that made me so proud and satisfied for doing this while I'm alive. I felt the need to do something like this to make me feel there's such a great purpose in my life, and I believe so. Isshi shall be proud too. =)

2016 please welcome me with happy open arms!! 

then I'll be ready to go! ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ

Projects/Resolutions for 2016

I probably decided on this a little early since there's more than one week to 2016. lol. But I should really get started on the things that I wanna do!! Although this year 2015 I did achieved some of the things I wanted to do, but it definitely wasn't quite enough isn't it? I believe I have the determination once I set my mind on something. If I didn't really complete something then it must be that I didn't set on doing it. lol. I supposed so that this is the truth since my friend said that I have such qualities like self discipline, and that I will do something when I very much want to. But I think I'm still not good enough. I know there's still so many things that I have to learn and improve. I'm just not good at seeing the problem I have sometimes.  But the more I know, the more I feel sad. It's just cruel that we can't live as simple anymore right? As you know, my mind has gotten more complicated than before. I got very unhappy when someone misunderstands me or reply in a matter which seemed rude to me. I've got really sensitive. And then I start to hate everything that is going on. ╭( ๐_๐)╮

Oh gosh,...am I diverting the topic away to something else not related to this. lol.

Let's see for next year:
✿ Continue my lyric writing which I love best!
✿ Doing anime reviews and not get too rushed to complete the series
✿ Complete my Kagrra quotes page
✿ Do a book review to see what I can gain from reading it
✿ Try a new online course to expand my knowledge on the topics I'm really interested in
✿ Read and write more Japanese for this blog!
✿ Watch my mood, thoughts, sleep, diet and exercise routine.
✿ Take better care of my hair!!

I have to be really determined on the last one. Cos I keep hearing the same thing repeatedly from different hair dressers who told me that I have oily scalp and dry hair, and they are weak and I have less hair. I felt I've been nagged for not taking good care of them properly. lol. I know I'm responsible for them but I just wasn't into it. But for now, I can sense the danger! ＼（＞０＜）／ I know I have to do something before it's too late.

And this is what I've just bought ~

Noted that I really need to do hair treatment consistently and massage it. Hope my hair condition improves. I will get this started this month. I won't push to 2016 just cos they are my resolution for 2016. lol.


Hair maintenance are costly u know. I need to bear to spend this on myself and think this is worth.

Please persuade me too. (・_・)

Happy birthday isshi-sama♪ ~ 07 Dec 2015

It's a special day once more that we would never ever forget.

I was at work though, and it was kinda okay for that day. I believe that every year on this day turns out to be kinda good. To me it has to be great even though it's just another ordinary day where nothing much happens. lol.

I retweeted quite a lot of Japanese fans' tweets to isshi. It's the usual that I would do, and also tweeted one myself. My Japanese got a little bad since I didn't use it as often as last year, so I haven't been able to chat with those Japanese fans.  (,_,) And I can't really think of what I wanted to say to isshi in Japanese. How horrid is this! I felt so uneasy and guilty now. lol

Glad that I'm getting likes for such a tweet. hehe. 


One of the best thing, Nao wishes Isshi like he did before, with a picture of the sky.

I'm wondering the same, has our voices and thoughts reached to isshi-sama up in the sky? Oh yeah, I remembered it was a sunny day that day. Glad that the weather is also good in Japan. (^_^)

Ah, Nao actually had alcohol! But I didn't!! lol. I intend to buy half a dozen or a dozen for myself and just store them somewhere so I can drink them when I wished. A can of beer is not enough for me usually, but then is it bad of me to go ahead and buy so much? haha. I drank them alone for the most time and no one's gonna judge me or see my drunk face. I pretty much like it this way. I shall just be happy by myself, where there's no one who understands my feelings. I will also just be sad by myself, since I'm already so used to being alone. I just don't feel bothering anyone anymore. (x_x)

That goes to someone being so moody this week. ~( ´•︵•` )~

Please let me gain back my strength again.


Nao's tweet translation @ 鬼雀の音情

It didn't feel the same anymore...

What a week!! I have bad quality sleep this whole week which seemed to happened after I went for a run on Monday. I don't think it's the run that made me unable to sleep though. How can it last for the entire week? I didn't have that restlessness feeling anymore but my bad sleep has returned. I woke up at the slightest sound and early in the morning. There are some weekends where I can wake up later than usual but now I couldn't. Why why~~ ? (T_T) My body is just in a mess. I can sleep well for a period and then can't for another period of time. 2015 just seems like a year where my body is getting worse... (-_-) I need a cure. Sobs.


Late on some photos I wanna post last week!! The lunch and dinner I had last Saturday. It was a better gathering than yesterday. lol. (≧ω≦)

Yummy cheesy mushrooms with some lobster meat :p
I was so hungry after the massage that I can't wait to gorge down this appetizer. It was really satisfying since I needed food. lol.

And then my main dish grilled fish with mango sauce. I love the corn a lot! hehe.

After I had soup and drink with my main dish, I couldn't eat this dessert pie at all!! It doesn't look that appetizing anyway. I thought it was supposed to be a cake as dessert than a pie. What a joke. Although I'm kinda sorry for wasting food. (>ω<)


After that we went to the same Chinese restaurant for dinner just like months ago. And we ended up ordering the same food like the last time. How funny, I'm laughing with tears now. (^o^;)

I can't do without veggies so that plate of spinach is my most favourite for the meal!

I'm starting to get really sick of xiao long bao but it's something that my friends will order for sure if it's on the menu. I had too much of this year already I think I'm scared of it. (ó﹏ò｡) lol~


On to the gifts that I've received! Glad that those are all useful! I think as we age we start to get more practical stuffs as gifts, in which is definitely much better to me than display items. Probably it wasn't the trend anymore too. Haha.

But I kinda miss those gift shops that were around years ago. Many of them got closed down and there isn't any more of such place where I can buy those little things....for myself mostly. That's sad. I think it makes buying gifts more challenging nowadays. Oh well.

I've also got a nail clipper as a souvenir gift in which I don't think I'll use. It's so cute! haha.

Bought this gift to my mortal for yesterday's. The packaging looks so lovely and the products smell so nice too. I kinda irk that I don't have one such gift for myself. Lol. I think I'm a very nice Santa cos this exceeded the budget and I got her chocs too. But I've no idea if she likes it. No chance to see the expression on everyone's faces like what we did last year. (・・;) Well maybe I shouldn't bother myself with that although I always wanted some form of assurance in everything I do. lol. I just want to feel that I got the right thing. How am I to feel better and stop wondering? Hmm...

Honestly, I think this year's isn't as good as last year's gathering. There isn't much excitement. I can't even call it fun. Partly cos I wasn't in the mood since I wasn't feeling that well in the morning. And my soul really wasn't there cos I was half asleep. The session is too long for me to have enough energy throughout. But I couldn't lie down comfortably either and I don't want my sleeping face to be filmed cos the camera is always around. lol. What a stressful event where most people deem as fun instead. Am I really an oddball? I don't know if I'm trying hard at the wrong things.... I got so sick of the songs playing, I don't have any aim and I didn't sang much. I just couldn't this time. Should I be sorry towards them, or myself?

I'm probably really not good in a big group. It didn't feel the same anymore.


What am I disappointed with? =(

Restlessness please be gone...!

I've actually been bearing with the restlessness in me for a week!! It's was quite an uncomfortable feeling. Argh...very, actually. It got worse on Monday, cos for the first time I couldn't sit still doing my work in the office and keep fidgeting. I felt as though every part of my body has loose wires. I can't describe how this feels but it's just horrible!!! It's like there's something in me in which I have to get rid of...And since I couldn't take it anymore, I went for a run after work. It's kinda weird. I don't feel that breathless like I usually would when I run. It's only that my legs are stopping me cos of my aching muscles. But anyway, I felt better after that. Can I not believe this?? I haven't go for a run for months.... Or a year? I don't know I've lost track of my exercise routine I supposed. It might be bad for my body to suddenly get to exercise but at least I got the problem solved. At least for now. I really hope it won't come back. And I'm not sure what's the cause despite searching on the internet. Guess it's really not dependable sometimes. My diet remains unchanged and I didn't do anything special. I'm definitely not on medication either. My everyday life timing is so fixed for work and sleep, so what could be the reason? The only thing is probably that I'm not as stressed as before but how does this explains?? Oh goodness, and in fact I don't like that if anything happens it'll be stress that causes it. Must it always be the one to be blamed? I need a more valid reason to be convinced. Lol. 

It's Wednesday now and I'm pretty ok. I thought I would get sick since nausea came yesterday. It hasn't been around some time already. Neither do I know the cause of it. My body is probably so screwed up now and I can only see what's gonna happen. I should let myself relax better in some way and enjoy the holidays soon next week especially. I don't know what to think yet since this week isn't over. I've still got so much things to do...... 😣 

Please let me have sweet dream too. The past nights were weird dreams and I'm afraid it'll affect my sleep quality. Maybe that's why... 

Time for bed!! 😴

Rainy Sunday~

I'm doing a mobile post again but it's first time for a weekend since I'll usually use my com. But I wanna have a nap in such a cool weather :D It's really been good for me that I can enjoy sleeping that much but it's also not very nice since I can't go for a jog as I wanted to. ^_^;

Anyway it was an awesome weekend for me!! I felt really happy and relaxed. I went for a simple full body massage yesterday. Although it wasn't so relaxing that will make me fall asleep, it was still a nice worthy experience to treat myself. My skin is all smooth now. xD I got hungry too easily nowadays and breakfast doesn't make me full. I felt hungry the entire session and I guess that's why I didn't get to feel I'm able to fall asleep. Lol!! But after that I think I ate too much!! Had fish main course, drink and soup. And then dinner was a lot for me too. But all was satisfying of course. It's always great to hang out with the right people. Haha. And I'm able to get a gift for myself which is a watch I wanted and do some shopping despite carrying so many things yesterday. I also finally got myself color pencils for my coloring book!! Got talked into by my frens to get quality ones and since it was on sale too. How great! 48 colors to choose from!! I'm gonna be so indecisive at choosing which to color the flowers and such. Hahaha. xD 

I painted my nails today!! I just feel like it since next week will be a big thing going on. My nail polish is just glitter and not that obvious though. I painted for the fun of it since I don't do it often. I rather do so for special occasion. But I wondered if I ever have the time for my green nail polish for this Xmas. I wanted to pamper myself more this time for my hair too. Have no idea if I can be able to squeeze in time for everything but it's been all good so far and I'm so happy in December as always. Now my holiday mood is here and I can feel the jolly spirits since it's cool and rainy too. Haha. I just hope my wishes will come true and my plans for next year will succeed too. It's gonna be enjoyable. 

I will always be happy. 😊 

Happy no exam day~

It's Thursday!! I can't wait for Saturday cos my mind has already fast forward a day. Lol.

Man, I just feel this week fly past faster than usual and I have no idea why I only feel like this now! One good thing is that ever since I've decided not to go for the exam (which is today) , I have a wonderful sleep each night! Okay, it might just be 5 nights for now, but it was amazing!! I have not had such a good sleep for so long!! I've been sleeping so soundly that I couldn't wake up. Before this, I've always been waking up automatically at 6am or earlier...and I feel grouchy. I keep worrying about the next day, and it feels endless. >_< Does that mean I'm the one who have been giving myself stress all along?? Am I pushing myself harder than I thought? Which isn't that good afterall?

Can you believe that I've suffered for nothing for the past 5 months? I hate how this is happening. But the way my body behaves is also partly due to my worrying thoughts that's hard to change. The only way I can look good and sleep good is only when I'm really stress-free. It used to happen, but not for long. :( I do yearn for that kind of life... But for now, at least I'm back to having good sleep!! So all is not lost I guess...either way I have to give up one thing for another. And now I see my health as being more important than the stupid exam that is killing me silently ever since I have few failed attempts. There goes my money I've spent on with repeated changes and increase in the fees. How cruel. Why can't just let me made it? Is it a hint to tell me that I don't belong to the top so I need not aim for it? Lol. :/ 

Well well at least I'm glad this day is well spent to clear my work rather than be in the exam hall. Haha. And now I shall move forward to my future without worrying too much I hope. I'm really really glad cos this means I can put my focus on my Japanese. Next year's aim I will use more Jap! And hopefully I feel ready enough for this language exam instead!! It'll be a better year for me as I grow! (^_^) I need to learn to take care of myself better and probably get a new watch soon. I'm so not used to not having a watch on my wrist. It really feels uncomfortable without being able to see the time at any time. Oh wait, is that another kind of stress I'm giving myself again? Lol~~ 

Please fast forward to Saturday so I could relax. Happy December!! :) 

My Top 10 Kagrra, songs with pvs

I was looking back at my Top 10 Kagrra, songs and somehow I think it wasn't truly the correct list for me?  Lol. But there's just too many of my Kagrra favourite songs and so I'm back feeling that it may not be the true reflection of my heart. Oh wells, maybe I can get them all figured out again some time later. It's too hard to squeeze a top 10 when you love over 90% of your favourite band songs. lol. Anyway, I shall proceed with this list of favourites with pvs!

Top 10 favourite Kagrra, songs with pvs
01. 憶 Omou
02. 「叫び」 Sakebi ✿
03. し、み、め、ゆ、き、さ、あ Shi Mi Me Yu Ki Sa A ✿
04. 沙羅双樹の子護唄 Sarasouju no Komoriuta
05. 皐月 Satsuki ✿
06. 愁 Urei
07. 恋綴魂 Kotodama
08. 春麗ら Haru Urara
09. 月下想葬 Gekkasousou ✿
10. 夢イズル地 Yume Izuru Chi

My favourites probably change slightly a little over the years. That's due to the music if I keep listening and also the lyrics when I really read them and feel it. Satsuki is the one with the big change in me I still remember. I don't know what's got into me sometimes. I didn't really like this song back then, and so it's just a few listens for me when I started as a Kagrra, fan. But earlier this year I fall in love with it suddenly. I can feel isshi, and then I can even wrote something like it too. It's probably the only song that I wanna convey my feelings out so badly and yet I couldn't quite do so. And of course it's something beautiful still. =)

I'm glad with Kagrra, I've found my direction this year. Knowing them better is also the same as knowing myself better too. When I can write more, experience more and feel more. No matter how hard a day is, how bad I have felt for the day, there's always Kagrra with me that get me up again.

It's only here where I can be myself.

Thank you, my isshi-sama. ♥

14th lyric release - 恋心

I've been wanting to write some sort of love song for some time, and just nice this would be a beautiful piece as my present to isshi, since I can get this song done before his birthday!! I wanted to do a happy song but it just doesn't come out from me naturally, after all lol. But anyway, I should probably do whatever I can when inspiration comes. I'm glad I'm able to get this done as what I've mentioned last month. I wanna have a nice song as the end to this year's lyric project as well as something I can feel happy about for giving it to isshi. Well December just has to be the best time of the year I supposed? Haha. At least this is what I can do best. I hope isshi receives my present with love too, although there's no Japanese here for him to see now. This song shall represent my blog, since I got inspired by the song as my blog title. Finally I feel there's even more meaning to my lyric work now. (*'▽'*) I hope that isshi feels it as much as I do. This is the love I have for him.♥

[Inspired by Kagrra, 戀]

恋心(こいごころ)
My heart got captured along the path where the moonlight shines
Longing and waiting for no return
I endure my tears from falling

If I look back at those days with a heavy heart,
I'm with you once more

*Your dream echoes in my memories
filling everything with colors
Unaware of the pain I was carrying,
my scar has changed into a smile

The flowers that have bloomed later than usual
has filled me with anticipation
wiping the misery I once have

If I burned my past away,
am I sending them to you instead

Even when the sky changes and my footsteps came to a stop,
you always remained where you are
with the smile that I can't bid goodbye

*Your dream continues to echo in my memories
filling everything with colors
Unaware of the pain I was carrying,
my scar has changed into a smile

Even if I close my eyes,
I'll never have to cry again

Even now~~

~~~~~
Happy birthday my isshi-sama. I'm sure this is the love you have given me.

May our love continue like this, and with your dream in me. 

I'm sure you are here as always.

With neverending love,

~~Yuuka

Happy Sunday today!

Hey there~ I feel lotta better now although last night I had restlessness coming over me suddenly at 3am and it was awful. I couldn't sleep and felt like running! But how can I in the middle of the night, I can only stretch out as much as I can. It's probably something that happens for the first time. Gosh I hope my body's functioning okay and I better get my running plans up soon so I'll not experience the same thing again. >_<

And to mention something serious, I've decided not to take the exam. I'm really not prepared and got so drained from the very first lesson I started cos of the train fault. I know it must be silly of me to just give up like this since I've already paid for it but what am I to do? I know I couldn't since until now I can't even finish going through one third of the entire course book. I don't have the time to do a freaking mock paper for 3 full hours to test my knowledge. Every time when I'm back home with just that few hours I only wanna rest or watch something to entertain myself to relax. If I were to study instead, I'll get my brain too active at night and I ended up not be able to sleep at all. And that does happened when I have classes on weekday after work. (;´д｀) Damn, I should have known that I can't manage both but yet I thought of giving a shot. Well, at least I did try to, I can say so right? I've probably wasted all that money but if there isn't too much restriction and stress I'll most probably give in my best once again. This course has been screwing up with my sleep since July and I don't want this to carry on anymore. It's only when November comes and when the course ended I felt better. I'm still feeling all bones till now I haven't been able to gain any weight and I think I'm getting skinnier. I don't know what the heck is with my health. This isn't that good. But that's what the stress has given me, and I have to stop it right?  (,_,)

Having said that much, yeah my decision is to focus more on my life and work rather than studies. I've been like studying my entire life I guess I should have enough of it already! lol. I wanna do more writing and improve my Japanese too. There's more other things that are more important that I should concentrate on rather than making my own life difficult isn't it? haha I guess all that anyone can do is to agree with me. It's my life afterall. And I've seen people who have given up long ago before me. I wonder if I should be happy for them or not, or for myself. Although I should have wasted far more money than them. Either way, many of us have been in such a situation. Is life playing a joke on us? Time wasted is something we can never get back at all. (x_x)

On to yesterday, I wanna pamper myself a little with food. The baked rice didn't turn out to be that delicious as what I was expecting. It was just okay. At least I felt really full from lunch. After which, I went to do some shopping for xmas gift exchange and stuff.

I'm busy thinking of getting nice presents for my friends that I've been fretting for a long time. I'm glad I'm almost done! Honestly, it's also the first time I'm packing chocolates nicely like this for everyone. I'm really doing my best! hahaha. Wish I can give u one too buddy!! =)

Well I'm also thinking, I've been making myself busy getting presents, how about for myself? And there, I got a coloring book that I was attracted to days ago! lol.

Adult coloring books are something which is popular now and I've seen it in bookstores and even read an article mentioning how it helps to destress. That's why got to try this out!! I bought the Chinese version I supposed it's not much different from the original one? I've no idea it looks good to me too. I wanted a Japanese pattern styled one I've spotted last week but I couldn't find it just cos I was at a different store. Argh how unfair. lol. Better than nothing for now since I can get something nature like. But look what I'm lacking with... color pencils!! I can't find any good ones! The only thing I can get my hands on is the water color markers from Daiso since it has a wide range. So far I'm enjoying it this morning when I started to get them colored. It was certainly great!! Cos I find myself in all concentration to get the colors nicely on the page. And those prints are so small and detailed I'm only worrying that my markers aren't sharp enough to reach all those areas. Damn, now I have to fret over if I can get cheap and quality color pencils and a sharpener!! Why as an adult I just don't have such simple stuff anymore?! Ahh!!! (>ω<)

I was meant to get cosmetic products next time round but I'm also fretting over a new concealer cos the previous essence concealer was used up so quickly! Then I realised it was only 1.5ml compared to my other liquid ones at 7ml and 9ml no wonder there isn't anymore for me to use. I was also angry there isn't any more of those Silky girl liquid concealers sold and so I had to make myself get some other ones. I'm not so fond of crayon-like cream ones like this new essence one but it was very smooth when I tried it on my hand. I hope this one can satisfy me or else I'm gonna continue to fret over what liquid concealers to get. What a bummer. (-_-)

~~~
I was feeling kinda somewhat unhappy over the past few days due to some comments from the people of my group. Since I was troubling long ago over their decision and my fren insisted that I should voice my concern rather than forcing myself to follow the crowd, I went to talk to someone in the group first before I commented for everyone to see. Guess what, that guy didn't made me feel any better. He misunderstood me and hit me with a sarcastic remark, and the way he was talking all along seem to pinpoint it was my fault all along. That didn't happen when I talked to another person instead. It definitely depends on who I'm talking to, afterall. Even though we cleared the misunderstanding, it left a scar on me now and I just can't get over the fact that I can't be on the same wavelength as some people no matter how. And it seems that the more we talk, the more it could get worse. That happened to me before with a classmate years ago. There's just this kind of people whom existed that you just can't click as much as you want to. I've thought about this and figured that I better not get myself too serious with anyone in this group and well, just try to get along with them on the surface will do. Humans are just so complicated and it's not like everyone will think the same way as me. I'm very much annoyed for the fact that everyone wants to get attention on themselves and ignored people constantly and even minority like me just because we didn't talk as much. But that's cos only you are too free for important things while we have to be busy with work and real people. And choosing to ignore as a way to solve problems, so as to act as a nice person because you didn't want to be different from the rest and to show that you're easygoing although it's not what you truly want. ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ I'll only vomit upon reading your words. Yucks. Fine even if that guy continues to think that I'm not as important as he is and thinks that I didn't even contribute at all and a useless person whatever, well the very first person who created the group was me! And I never want it to turn out this way! But fine, I'm gonna grow out of this. I should not take everything seriously and hurt myself. Who truly cares anyway. Only the popular talkative people wanna take charge. I'm a nobody. I'm just a leech over there to fill up the numbers. The other quiet ones will also be thought of the same, as unimportant people and being neglected. Although I certainly hate that fact. But they are the ones who became my good friends instead because I know how they feel too. And because only I care! (｡-_-｡)


Afterall, who is more important in my life I should really care about? My close friends who will listen to my worries and of course my buddy Shua. Only these few precious is all I need. I shall not care anymore about people who speak behind my back. I shall not waste my time on such immature people. NOT ANYMORE.

It's December

It's December, it's gonna come to an end... 

As what I've thought, my mind is still living in November although I didn't like that month. But I'm still not ready for December at all. 

There's still so many things I have to do and think through again. I feel so reluctant to do all that. Why have I become so exhausted? 

I know what awaits me is also the fun, but somehow I'm just afraid and not ready for everything, be it good or bad. 

What's making me feel this way now I wonder why. Life's much better than last year...so why should I be like this??? 

I don't even understand myself. -_- 

Maybe I just need more peace and sleep. Let me feel better all over again. :/ 

Revive memories: Kagrra, no Su episode 63 - New Year's Battle 2009

Ah...I just feel like looking back a little at those tweets that I've posted of Kagrra but not to my blog. This was actually just last year's and it's been so fun to watch them! Well now I'm posting the pictures here mainly but I didn't watch the video in full but only some parts just today. (ｰｰ;) I can still remember this episode as u know because it's too funny especially Akiya's part! This is one of the episodes that I love. haha.

The best thing is to see the members facing the punishment they had lost from the games. xD Shin chose to imitate isshi in the way he sings but isshi doesn't seem too happy to see that. Akiya is laughing out so loud! Lol!! This is something I didn't expect from Shin when I first watched it.

And this one is the funniest thing to me when Akiya tries to introduce himself in English. (≧▽≦)

I still can't forget the "I don't think I pee" part. Omg. xD


Oh back then I didn't know what's this thing called. It's a 剣玉 Kendama, a traditional Japanese toy and you have to let the ball fall into the hole. The craze actually came this year cos there's just many little kids starting to play those just almost everywhere. lol.
It's pretty cool to see all the members able to do so at the first attempt, but it gets hard for the second cos you have to turn it over. I'm so happy that the eventual winner is Isshi~!! haha. He seems to be really good at traditional stuffs!

Seeing isshi spinning a top is funny too! Izumi was saying "That's dangerous!" when Isshi's top flew towards them. lol~ Nao couldn't do it too at 3 attempts. And that was when isshi was given a chance to spin again...

 and he did it!!

This is when he gives such a nice pose. haha.

Since Nao is the loser, he has to wear that ribbon and cat ears hairband and say "Nya~". Omg I was laughing so hard at this along with the members laughter!! He must have felt really embarrassed!! I'm so sorry Nao. U're too funny and cute.  ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)ウァﾊﾊ八八ﾉヽﾉヽﾉヽﾉ


Alrights, I had so much fun tonight with this let me have a good night once more. I shall end my post with this:

Let's laugh more with Kagrra,!!

おやすみ～

I need some fresh air...

Heya!! I'm trying to do a mobile post for the first time. Hope this works just fine. Lol.


It's already the last week of the month! I'm still feeling tired all the time and gotten even lazier to do things that I'm supposed to. I've started to procrastinate so much!! I wonder if it's the weather that's making me gloomy too. I have no idea what's the best thing I should be doing now. It seemed that so many things happened this month, well for work so to say. Those that I've not expected...although I get a new computer for work now and it works pretty good but some of my stuff are just gone!! I can't get it back and I have to start all over again based on my memory. Why?? Another restart for me? I wished I could understand why that somethings has to happened that way. I should have been more conscious perhaps so I can only have myself to blame? Lol. Yeah another thing learned. It just have to be a little tough for me this year. -_-

All I'm left to do now is to buck up and not let my nasty mood control me. Kagrra songs should make me feel better. I'm so into Kamikaze now. Haha.

I certainly need more fresh air. Let me breathe better again.

My Top 10 Kagrra, songs

My turn to do my favourites post!! [Continue from Shua's]

Have to put a Kagrra pic and it's a snowy one cos December is coming soon~~ despite that I'm not even ready for it yet. (¬_¬) lol.

Top 10 favourite Kagrra, songs
01. 憶 Omou
02. 「叫び」 Sakebi ✿
03. 悲文 Hifumi ✿
04. 歎きの詩 Nageki no Uta
05. 皐月 Satsuki ✿
06. 幻惑の情景 Genwaku no Joukei ✿
07. 終焉の季節 Shuuen no Kisetsu ✿
08. 詠 Uta
09. 維新 Ishin
10. 碧の葬列 Ao no Soretsu ✿

Putting them in order is indeed hard!! I took some time to decide which are the ones that meant more to me so as to come up with this list. Those with the ✿ label are the ones in which I've wrote my lyric based on cos they are the ones that inspired me to write so. Hehe. So there's already 6 out of 10! And I've released 3 from here so far! Wow~~ That's pretty good isn't it. (〃▽〃) Just that until now I can't write something like Omou. I just don't know why. Maybe cos it's my top favourite. I'm afraid I'll ruin it and not write as well as isshi. I love that song to bits and just wanna do the same kind but I can't... I don't know what's with me as though there's a barrier there somehow. I only hoped I can slowly come up with lyrics one after another for each Kagrra, songs that's like Kagrra,'s. Well, they might be like a shadow of Kagrra, works which probably doesn't seem to have any originality of my own? Can I even say so? But then, Kagrra, is my life and having them all the time is what makes me happy and let me identify who I am. So I shall just do what I like, right? It's my dream after all. =)

I'm sure my buddy approves of this anyway. I'll do my best man, I'll make you proud too. I'll definitely give in my all cos it makes me happy. And you too. ♥


Thanks for being around, as always. (・∪・)

Please continue to watch over me. With much love. (*˘︶˘*)

My Anime recommendation 2015

Since I've been watching quite a lot of animes this year, I wanna sum up those that are my top favourites in which I'll recommend to anyone who's into a specific genre!

✿ Best Romance anime: Kaichou wa Maid-sama!

✿ Best Friendship anime: Sakamichi no Apollon

✿ Best Supernatural anime: Noragami / Noragami Aragoto [Season 2]

✿ Best Comedy anime: Barakamon

✿ Best Reverse harem anime: Brothers conflict

✿ Best Yuurei anime: Mokke

✿ Best Mystery Anime: Hyouka

✿ Best Dark anime: Death parade 

I believed I have watched quite a lot of good ones this year, and I have some in which are equally good but I have to choose the best to put up this list. Lol.

And there I know I'm missing out the violence/gore type of anime. I used to watch them and enjoy it when I was younger. But somehow towards the next half of this year, I couldn't bring myself to watch them at all!! I felt gross and uncomfortable especially with blood splattering and all that gore stuff. I've tried watching Tokyo Ghoul and I thought I could continue, but I couldn't!! Okay, so I thought maybe it was cos of the story that didn't interest me in the end, so let's just forget it. So I tried Corpse party: Tortured souls since it's just 4 episodes. Damn it was such a horror!! Probably it was this one that made me disgusted and felt that I should stop watching this type. And so, it won't be in my category anymore.  (ｰｰ;)

Well maybe I should be happy about that. I shall not let such scary scenes giving me nightmares or making me uncomfortable. I'm watching animes to learn stuffs, and be inspired. I should be focusing more on comedy ones. Life's too sad sometimes to look at other negative stuff instead isn't it? Hehe.

There you go, I hope next year I'll be able to have another list of these again and probably better animes that made my day. This is my addiction in which I'll continue as far as I can. ♪～(´ε｀　)

Ready for 2016?

It's still November and probably it's still a little early to think about it. But when November just came, I've already felt it's too soon for this year to end. I was too occupied with work and everything else, I wasn't ready for it!

Yet I'm still thinking about it. (-_-)

Anyway it's great that I managed to get a planner for free earlier this month!! I'm so glad a customer gave us by mail. There's only one and my admin passed it to me. Hehe. How nice. I feel I was fated to get it too since I wanted one badly. lol.

There's quite a lot of stuff in this planner which is awesome. There are spaces to write for daily plans for each timing after the monthly ones, which is really a lot of space for me to write. lol. Usually a monthly layout would be good enough for me, in which I usually will scribble all over my calendar and filled them with post-it notes cos there's always a change of plans somehow. I'm not sure if I can fully make good use of this new planner of mine for next year but I'm excited cos I have such a good thing I need not search for it anymore!! I've taken a few looks at NBC bookstore and those they sell are so expensive despite that they sell cute ones too. I just can't bear to buy them. (-｡-;
Maybe I do really have to make some changes to my life next year onwards? haha.



Have watched pbunniep's planner vid and she makes me wanna use all my nice colour pens and stickers for my planner too. I wonder if I have the mood to do all those. haha. But it would be a nice thing to do. Just that I'm afraid my enthusiasm will die towards the end of the year out of exhaustion. LOL! Should it be like a diary too? Only with diary I can probably write them nicely with enough patience. (≧▽≦)

Before I start my resolutions for next year, let me look back at what I've done for this year:
[Continue from June post] 
✿ I've got the most number of blog posts ever in my blogging history for the year. lol. I think this is cos I've been doing weekly posts....in which I'm not sure when I've started doing it. (^_^;) But it was fun. I enjoy the fact that I can write more and consistently and not as lazy as before.
✿ Given myself this personal project of watching and reviewing animes and I felt accomplished knowing more stories and listening to Japanese more. I can't say I've improved my Japanese that much cos I'm not able to focus on it since the second half of this year so at least I'm still exposing myself to listen more I guess this is still good hehe.
✿ And of course the best achievement I have now is from my lyric writing and having my buddy liking them a lot. I'm glad I can get support from someone cos it adds on more meaning to my hard work cos I'm not just writing for isshi's sake or myself.  ٩((๑´3｀๑)۶ ♥♥♥
✿ Completed Kagrra, live vids and those are awesome as my beautiful memories. I'm gonna do my series of screencaps to revive those memories again! （＾∇＾）
✿ Changed my twitter handle and blog name so as to remind myself to be more into Japanese. And yeah I've been experiencing quite a bit of changes this year. Now to think of it.. There's already so much things that has happened. lol.
✿ Also, because I'm able to earn money I'm spending more and posting my useless purchases which are usually skincare and cosmetic products in which no one cares about what I'm using anyway. lol. I just feel like noting down whether the things I bought are worth my money that's all. haha.

Oh freak.. anyway it's not that I care about whether I have audience. I blog because I love to write. I need a place to vent out all my thoughts. I need to put them into words. I started because I wanna do what I love, and that makes me happy. I don't need so much attention to feel proud of myself. I'm happy enough cos I have my private space like this. And having my dear Shua around is one of the best things I ever got here. This year has really gotten fulfilling with you around. (^_-)-☆


Thanks man, and let me get ready for 2016 together with you~ 

13th lyric release - み使い

I've been wanting to write something about Angels, but just that I can't really get myself to write in a positive way somehow. I'm just doing my best in my own way. Coming up with a name for the song is also a bit of challenge. lol. Anyway, I suddenly feel that this song is also about the topic of dream that I mentioned about in my previous lyric, but in a different way. I'm not sure how to put it though. Well well, never mind that's not the focus. This one is somewhat my current feelings now, so I just wanna show it here. BUCK-TICK's song is referring to an insect, I wrote one about that too, but it's the melody that's similar here. Whatever it is, please tell me if there's any positivity in this work of mine cos I just hope there is a little. Whatever am I saying. lol. (>ω<)

[Inspired by BUCK-TICK 羽虫のように]

み使い(みつかい)
Angels, they dropped by with that smile
blocking the moonlight I see everyday
I could probably fly with that belief
but all I have is a broken wing

Sure, I've dreamt more than enough
and it gets meaningless
If the world I perceive is a facade,
why can't I be taken away instead?

*Love like this, isn't enough
Give me a reason to breathe
without doubting
Love like this, isn't easy
Being alive seemed good
If only I understood why

Falling over countless times I'm afraid to move further
just like my heart, it gets drained soundlessly
Since it gets distasteful,
I could only keep it under wraps

Sure, I've imagined way too much
and it gets meaningless
If the world I before me is a facade,
just take me away instead

**Love like this, isn't enough
Tell me the reason of my existence
without doubting
Love like this, isn't easy
Being awake seemed good
If only I understood why

*Love like this, isn't enough
Give me a reason to breathe
without doubting
Love like this, isn't easy
Being alive seemed good
If only I understood why

~~~~~
Sure, I'm the one who wants to be an Angel instead. But I have my struggles. 

Will I ever be strong enough for myself and others? 

If only I understood why, and everything. 

~~Yuuka

Stress or ageing? (T_T)

This November...I don't think I like this month. It's just like in between, a month of nowhere. It isn't the season to be happy like in December. At least there's Xmas and then you'll look forward to the New year, but there's just nothing in November. I'm so busy this week cos my workload got heavier from the past month plus the fact that there's a public holiday on Tuesday isn't helping, cos I got a day lesser to complete my work on time. Sigh. Now I'm gonna be so stressed out when Monday comes. That'll be horrible. I hope not. (ó﹏ò｡)

With a very good reason of stress, I have been buying things every week! xD I think I just popped by the same stores every alternate days. I can't helped it when now's also the best time to get gifts cos there's sales going on and I don't like to get gifts at the last minute. It'll be probably hard to get a right one when you have to search for it. lol. I hate to fret over what gifts to get but I guess I can't avoid this since Xmas is coming. I have to get prepared for those as soon as I can! Ahhh....!

I bought this Ma cherie set cos it seemed a good deal. And yeah, it'll be a gift instead of me using them. lol. I remember I bought their hair oil and I just started using it this month! I wasn't sure if this is good at first, but I began to think it suits me better than other hair oil brands that I've used so far. I can't believe it! My hair felt smoother and shinier than before. (￣▽￣) I thought it will just be ordinary thing, but it made me feel good about my hair. lol. Although I think it has that cherry scent that I don't like but it didn't affect me that much. I was more concerned about having that smooth hair all that I'm amazed. Maybe I should have that set for myself instead? hahaha. (≧ω≦) But no way, I don't wanna fret about finding gifts so I might have to buy a proper one for myself instead. lolol.

Yeah to one more packet of eye masks, and getting back to this Netrogena water gel I used many years back. I thought of using it again cos my skin has been so dry lately!! My current moisturiser doesn't seem to be working well for me anymore I wonder why. Is it cos of ageing that my skin changes? It's annoying to have oily and dry skin at the same time. Why do I have one more problem that I have to worry about. Oh yes, I have been snacking often too so I have zits lately. That's another one more. OOH wait, I think my hair falls more too. Oh gosh what is happening. Is it stress or ageing? OR BOTH? Omg I need help!! ARRRGGGHHHH!!! (ﾉ ○ Д ○)ﾉ　

On to accessories! I haven't mentioned about them in a long time. I kept wearing the same few all the while when I went out with my friends. But sometimes, I do feel a little bored of the same thing so I thought of getting some new ones for myself. In fact those bead ones are really cheap! That metal bracelet I got looks really beautiful but I haven't yet put it on! And the necklace was in fact a earring at first, I transformed the heart thing as a pendant instead. Cos I think it'll look better this way. hehehe. (*^｡^*)

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH SNACKING!!  I have to remember that! xD Cos I just keep getting hungry like all the time! It's not my fault since I have to use so much brain work. And snacks made feel better cos there's just those nice taste in my mouth. Although mostly MSG salt that probably made me drop more hair. lol. But I'm getting more chocs too. Argh but equally bad actually. -_-

Anyway, this is just a small part of the snacks that I've bought cos I think they look better in photos since they're unopened. I have more than this. Oops, but I haven't gained any weight so far. All because of stress!! Damn you. lol.


This is one cute thing I wanna post here. My friend got me some chocs and skincare samples wrapped in this Halloween bag. It's so cute although it comes a little late. lol. So now you see, I'll owe her a present. (｡-_-｡)

~~~
I've got no mood nor motivation to study for my profession and it has already tire me out the moment when I started class in July. I've been thinking a lot lately how am I to plan for my future on this. Well I've already decided.....that I'll give up. This dec will be the last shot I'm gonna give. Although I don't have any confidence in passing anymore. I know it'll be a waste of all my years of hard work and money into studying, but it's not like I wanna aim to be at the top. I'm satisfied to be in a junior post and having more time of my own than slogging all my life for work, like what a few of my friends are doing. That's not the kind of life that I want. Although having the full cert is the best thing but the time limit is just unfair. It puts people to stress than anything else. I've heard and seen lots of people giving up cos of this. It's probably just not the one for me. Well, maybe I'm gonna regret for not studying even harder or whatsoever, but I'm not gonna do it at the expense of my health. My sleep has been affected so much ever since July. I have sleepless nights which torture me so much I wanna bang my head and drop dead. Either way I'm probably gonna regret in some way, but I can only make the best decision for myself and be sure of what I want. I need to put my focus on something way better and worth it. I need to stop overworking my brain for something that I don't like at all. I need to be happy with my life and stop troubling over things that I have no control of. That's all that I can say.


And there now, I just hope I can get support and understanding from people who cares.

May tomorrow be a better day always.